Feel sick :'( ...(Looked at some old friends facebooks... I'm left behind.)

[Panda]

Long time no post <3

I've spent the night looking up old friends from school in Facebook, or people I cared about once (and thought they cared about me).

I found profiles from people I knew in school, from when i was the age of 6 - 14. They're all grown up now, moving on, having fun, getting the good jobs and the perfect groups of friends and partners...

I've never felt so left behind and alone in my life.

And I did this to myself, I isolated myself from a young age and they forgot about me. I stopped growing up at that stage, i got stuck in the awkward phase and now I can't get out of it. When I see their faces in the pictures, I can't even imagine them "grown up", I still think of them when I last saw them... ugh. They are all like different people now, the quiet ones have photos of their selves in parties, falling over drunk and having amazing times, the loud bitchy ones seem to have grown up and suddenly become sensible, going to top Universities.

I've freaked myself out seeing all of them after all of these years, and they've all grouped up and become one giant circle of friends. And I'm here, without a soul in the world sitting in all night creeping around facebook and looking at photos of people who don't even remember me.

I want so badly to start over. Disappear, become someone new and start over. I wish I had a friend or a boyfriend or anything. Just someone to be there, it pisses me off that no matter how hard i try to get out of this hole, I just fall flat on my face over and over. This **** cycle will never end. In Uni, I meet people but they've all got their own friends. They say hi, then we go our own ways and that's that. They don't need new friends so why should I bother?

I hate Facebook. :/

 

[Caesium]

I can relate to some of this. Going on facebook makes me feel depressed..seeing all my old 'friends' so happy and successful. I have over 200 'friends' on facebook, but haven't had a new wall post in nearly half a year. I'd write a longer reply, but I'm tired and going to bed.

Sleep on it, maybe you'll feel better in the morning.

 

[Droplet]

I can't stand Facebook, and I don't understand why people do.
But maybe I'm being judgemental. Facebook just gives me the creeps for some reason.

I have made an account, just because I wanted to look at a friends (who's living far away) and my sister's pictures. After I did that there have been some people wanting to become friends, including my childhood/teen bullies *shudders*

It's the fakeness and social status thing that I don't like about it I think. I never use it, if I want contact with a friend or sister I call them. I will share pics of memorable events in my life maybe, but not every party etc. I've been to, like most people do.

I sometimes feel like you do Panda, stuck in old patterns and insecurities from the past. Right now I feel paralyzed and unmotivated and because of that I sometimes worry about the future and what will become of me because I'm not doing anything.
I think my paralysis is because of those old patterns of insecurity that I haven't worked through yet, the voice in the head sometimes says that I won't do something well enough for example. And the proof of that is that, as you, I have tried but failed so many times.

All I'm concentrating on now though is just working on myself and these insecurities that might be the reason why I fail at things anyway, logical right. And it feels good to do so and learn to (truly) love myself. I'm rediscovering myself, I am really not these insecurities.

Know that you are really not these negative feelings and insecurities, they are just conditioning. The real you never changes and is spirit or awareness itself.

I don't know if this advice is helpful and you might not want spiritual advice. It is only the way I'm helping myself. I have had a strong yearning for truth since I was 17 and am now starting to discover who I am.

 

[evanescencefan91]

i'm sorry i have the same problem with facebook as well. It's weird i don't why i bother. Nothing happens no one messages me. I get friend requests from people who don't even talk to me. Just becuase we go to the same school doesn't mean we're friends.

Something i hate about people which i hope someone will disprove for me, is that friendsship is made and continues through convience, not loyality. No one will drive the extra 2 miles, or dial those extra seven numbers to keep in touch or hang out. we'll stay long so lang as we have the same classes, differnt schedule means differnt universe. Good-bye

No one actually says hey lets be friends. we just let things happen. we work well as lab partners and converse. But we'll never plan to hang out. They've got their friends, and i've got, the internet.

no one does anything on facebook. and im and texting it's the stupidest thing. We just don't like having to meet up and hang out over a cup of coffee, or even talk on the phone. it's so much more high tech, and the more we distance ourselves with eachother when we connect.



if you ever want to add me, I'm [email protected]

maybe we can make our own lonelylifers facebook group where we'll upload photos and do nothing else.

bah humbug

XD

 

[Chris 2]

Panda

Try to hang in there...Your a girl and no matter how shy u are, u'll find your knight in shining armor, as for me, it pretty much hopeless. I'm a guy, and I need to do the asking out part, which I don't think I will ever do. Your still young, well I guess were both at the same age, but I don't think you'll be alone forever.

What I said in one of your other threads is true. I do like you, wasn't joking around, It just hard for me to say it even through online. I met so many girls online that I was close to, but I just couldn't admit I like that person, so look where I am at now, and one of them were only 30 minute away from me. Later I found out she like me as well. So I will not put up a front any longer, even if u don't like me pass anything more than just friend, at least you know where I stand.

We have so much in common, I wish I could restart my life over again, but of course that all a bunch of fantasy.

I hope the best for you!


Chris

 

[Panda]

Thanks guys! *hug*

I slept on it, went to uni earlier and I feel a bit better. I should never look at those things, they just show me what's missing in my life and how others have things I can only dream of (friends, partners, etc).

I guess I have to start over and put those people behind me, I've got 3 years at uni and I'm on speaking terms with most of them in my class (a class of 40), though we aren't exactly "friends" (most of them know i'm painfully quiet..)

I hate facebook, I hate the people on there who collect friends just for the sake of showing off how many friends they have. Does it make them better people? no. Do they take it for granted? definitely. Pisses me off.

"No one actually says hey lets be friends. we just let things happen. we work well as lab partners and converse. But we'll never plan to hang out. They've got their friends, and i've got, the internet."

Yeah that's how it is with me. I'd be a loyal friend, if someone I called a friend needed help, I'd be there without a doubt. But I never have the chance, nobody wants to be friends for the sake of truly knowing someone and enjoying their company, half of the time they just want friends to up the number on their facebook friend's list.

Aw, Chris! Thank you <3 And for your other post, too! It's true , the nicest people I've spoken to have always been far away, I've never met any genuine people near me who can relate or have a lot in common, it's depressing. x

 

[Unacceptance]

Facebook? Is that still around?

Why worry about people who don't matter?

You can't change the past, but you can alter the present to control the future.

Focus on building up what you've got now, forget them.

 

[Bluey]

Face book is just a popularity contest. Ive had ppl try and add me who I don't even know. I mean WTF.

You see some ppl on there with like 500 friends. I look at the friends we have in common and am all like what the fresia. He meat that guy once lol. Its like look at me I got lots of friends. Its like a school playground. All front and no honesty at all.

Plus the way the site works is the biggest load of crap I have ever seen.

 

[Hijacc]

Face book is just a popularity contest. Ive had ppl try and add me who I don't even know. I mean WTF.

You see some ppl on there with like 500 friends. I look at the friends we have in common and am all like what the fresia. He meat that guy once lol. Its like look at me I got lots of friends. Its like a school playground. All front and no honesty at all.

Plus the way the site works is the biggest load of crap I have ever seen.

I agree one big mess of lies.

 

[Be a Saint]

Hey everyone,

been reading a lot of threads on here last few weeks but this thread finally convinced me to register.

Im so glad to find people who also hate facebook, thought i was on my own!

I tried it a few months ago but after two days i closed my account. I just couldnt understand why people post pictures of thier every move for others to comment on or why people ive never really spoke to want to add me as a freind???

Everyone i know is on there and when i say im not they look at me like im sum kind of wierdo! What a strange world we live in.

Anyway im glad im not alone feeling this

 

[Estreen]

I agree with Saint. I too thought I was like, one out of maybe a dozen people (if that) that don't like Facebook. I feel like Panda does. Seeing my own boyfriend's Facebook used to give me pangs of this weird kinda sad/jealous feeling, seeing him (the one that doesn't want to really be around people) in these tons of pictures with people having fun, and I, who wants to be around people and have people to talk to or do things with, doing absolutely nothing. I finally had to take him off my friends list on there 'cos I just couldn't bring myself to look at it anymore. He didn't like mentioning me on there, which made me feel even worse, not because he's ashamed of me or anything like that, he's just very private and doesn't want to be asked about his relationship, although I still wish I just had a small mention on his page, but ah well. Another reason for me to work on having my own life and working on me.

I've gotten better with that stuff, but I still loathe Facebook. All the apps, and the way the site is set up, just takes it ages to load in comparison to MySpace. I considered closing my account for a while, but then figured I'd keep it open, in case someone I actually do know tries to contact me there. It's a sliver of a hope, and a very small chance, but whatever. I don't go on now unless I get an alert. I like MySpace better because it feels a bit more personal and I feel more in control of "my space" there.

But I digress...

Panda, I am 100% with you on this, and as you can tell, a lot of us feel like you, so you are not alone. Sometimes it feels like there's no escape and you feel like you're gonna be this way the rest of your life. I'm not where I want to be yet, in terms of dealing with myself, but looking back on merely a few years ago, I can already see even more progress with myself, so I just want to let you know that, when you are ready and willing, change will come. It's slow, and often painful in stages, but it's well worth it when you overcome those obstacles.

If you ever need to vent, or ask anything, please don't hesitate. You are among friends here. *hugs*

 

[Minus]

I looked at facebook once. Must not have seen anything that encouraged me to return. Haven't been back since.

 

[kelthuzad]

hi

i can pretty much identify with what Panda says, I'm also stuck in the past...in a way. And looking at other people's lives doesn't usually help. There's probably a good reason you distanced yourself from everyone else though. I know there was a good reason for me to do it and i don't regret it, sometimes things just need time to work out i guess...

and also what evanescencefan91 said about "friends by convenience" is very true.. I've been in university for 5 years now and never managed to make a single friend. I tried a couple of times, and as long as we had a class to share or a paper to write they would stick around, and after that they would never even call me..
I suppose such people aren't worth the bother in the first place though..

I do have an account, by the way, but I never use it.. I see no sense in being one of someone's 500 friends..

 

[SighX99]

Long time no post <3

I've spent the night looking up old friends from school in Facebook, or people I cared about once (and thought they cared about me).

I found profiles from people I knew in school, from when i was the age of 6 - 14. They're all grown up now, moving on, having fun, getting the good jobs and the perfect groups of friends and partners...

I've never felt so left behind and alone in my life.

And I did this to myself, I isolated myself from a young age and they forgot about me. I stopped growing up at that stage, i got stuck in the awkward phase and now I can't get out of it. When I see their faces in the pictures, I can't even imagine them "grown up", I still think of them when I last saw them... ugh. They are all like different people now, the quiet ones have photos of their selves in parties, falling over drunk and having amazing times, the loud bitchy ones seem to have grown up and suddenly become sensible, going to top Universities.

I've freaked myself out seeing all of them after all of these years, and they've all grouped up and become one giant circle of friends. And I'm here, without a soul in the world sitting in all night creeping around facebook and looking at photos of people who don't even remember me.

I want so badly to start over. Disappear, become someone new and start over. I wish I had a friend or a boyfriend or anything. Just someone to be there, it pisses me off that no matter how hard i try to get out of this hole, I just fall flat on my face over and over. This **** cycle will never end. In Uni, I meet people but they've all got their own friends. They say hi, then we go our own ways and that's that. They don't need new friends so why should I bother?

I hate Facebook. :/

OMG I know exactly how you feel. my situation is prob worse. moving from Taiwan to US, I've lost tons of friends. I went to a boarding school for a year before i moved to the US, hence lost all my elementary friends as well before i moved. I was really good friends with a lot of people. after one year attending that boarding school i moved to the US. I did not go back to my home country for 6 years. At first when i first moved, i got a few letters from my friends in taiwan. they would ask me how im doing etc etc fancy letters. after a while everything died down and no one sent me letters and i started my own life in the US.

a little while ago, i found one of my old boarding school girlfriend's MSN messenger. I talked to her once, after that she was very reluctant to talk to me, probably it was very awkward. I read her MSN profile and it ABOSOLUTELY BROKE ME DOWN.... ever since then, ive been really depressed... She had a photoalbum on MSN profile which translates into "alumni party" which was basically all my old boarding school friends drinking and eating and having fun... I know everyone in those pictures, everyone... they are all much older, after 8 years. they had completely forgot about me...

and my life here in the US? my best friend hooked up with my ex in front of my face, then he moved to NorCal with another best friend of mine... we dont talk anymore. my ex messed me up emotionally i dont think ill ever get a girlfriend.... my ex also ruined my chances with one of her friends...my roomates messed me over now i have an eviction and they stole 500$ from me and also ruined my chance with another girl. my old band dont want me to play in their band anymore because they found someone who is less skillful than me so they can feel better about themselves. my other friends just want to do drugs with me. since i dont work anymore i never have money to hangout with them. some of my friends are all moved out and go to college now, party everyday or study abroad. no one calls me except when they want to buy H or weed or pills. now i have no friends that ive known for no more than one year. i go to Art Institute, so far i havent made any friends really. like u said everone just says hi and go on with their own lives. everyone else has so much better and social life than me.... and my school is constantly bombarded with homeworks and projects, i never get freetime. I'm starting to think im antisocial which i thought would never happen.... i dont want to make anymore friends.

idk maybe ur old friends from the past are still around u or maybe u can try and visit them and rekindle the flame. but my old friends are litteraly thousands and thousands miles away, and theres no way they would want to talk to me again. and i dont want to talk to alot of my friends in the US bcause they are fake ass ******* who wouldnt apologize or anything. most of my friends moved away from me, and hence never talks to me again. they would show off their pictures at parties in colleges on their MYSPACE... ive been messed by a lot of my friends, most of them never admitted anything or apologized face to face... no one understands my pain.

im gonna go cry now.

 

[Nic]

I can't stand Facebook either.

I felt left behind myself seeing pictures of old high school friends at their new schools. But, I remember in the preparation period I went through the summer before my freshman year started, I read the "Naked Roommate". Which was a collaboration of tips and info about things you probably run into at college. One of the "tips" was to realize that you may become completely detached from friends in high school.

I nearly fell over in my chair after reading this because it took me years just to make a handful of friends. It was just about the absolute end of senior year that I gained a actual reputation of being "a cool guy". And the thought of starting over was extremely frightening. My parents and older friends all said the same thing when I asked about it.

Here I am, a sophomore in college, and my high school reputation and "friends" have disappeared. They still exist on Facebook, but you don't see either of us engaging in a wall-to-wall conversation. "Guess the **** book was right." However, I did not let the relationship with my best friend go to waste, I have refused to let that go.

Now I realize how school impacted my social situation; it put me out there. I'd see my friends every day, or any day that I had classes or lunch with them. What produced our friendship, was convenience.

With that gone, you have make the effort to retain the relationship. Phone calls, texts, anything. Make the effort to reach out to someone that you honestly could call a friend. Any enthusiasm they seen from you will be returned. I kept in touch with my best friend, and I'm not going to lose that connection, *because I made the effort to keep it*.

College is a lot harder. You have to show interest in others for them to go beyond just saying hi. Spend some time at lunch, walk back from classes together, offer to compare homework results, try joining a club, something. Put yourself out there. Move on from high school.

**Jeez, these are some really great Ideas... wish I had the courage to do some of them myself**

Do as I say, not as I do.

 

[SadRabbit]

Hummm....I do hate face book as a matter of fact....whereby i see people posting pictures of themselves almost everyday...jealousy sets it...but i think, we must stand up to all this and become a better person, not let jealousy take over.

 

[eviloreo]

I used to have a real good social life but that ended 2004 after some real pathetic issues. Short story shorter i isolated myself from everyone and everybody. My best friends, my roomates, my then girlfriend, everyone literally. I just pretended to be someone else for 3 years until i "snapped" out of it and started to recover

Last year i checked up on facebook and saw people asking where ive been, what ive done, what is wrong on that wall thing and past "happy birthday!" notes. i found old highschool people adding me on their list and seeing their happy pictures really was heartbreaking. I just accepted them as friends and havent log on since.

I think part of it is shame that i ignored everyone, that i brought everything on myself and im too proud to admit i need friends and i do miss them (besides who would re-befriend someone who abandoned them in the first place?), and the other part is real jealousy they florished in life while i stayed stale and bitter. Even now im playing "catch up" in the game of Life, and even this whole catch up thing they are still outpacing me which just sucks : /

So i guess the lesson learned here is to never go back to facebook unless im a huge sucess story Let me put this memo on the next life chapter--- ahhh there we go

 

[eviloreo]

I agree with Saint. I too thought I was like, one out of maybe a dozen people (if that) that don't like Facebook. I feel like Panda does. Seeing my own boyfriend's Facebook used to give me pangs of this weird kinda sad/jealous feeling, seeing him (the one that doesn't want to really be around people) in these tons of pictures with people having fun, and I, who wants to be around people and have people to talk to or do things with, doing absolutely nothing. I finally had to take him off my friends list on there 'cos I just couldn't bring myself to look at it anymore. He didn't like mentioning me on there, which made me feel even worse, not because he's ashamed of me or anything like that, he's just very private and doesn't want to be asked about his relationship, although I still wish I just had a small mention on his page, but ah well. Another reason for me to work on having my own life and working on me.

I've gotten better with that stuff, but I still loathe Facebook. All the apps, and the way the site is set up, just takes it ages to load in comparison to MySpace. I considered closing my account for a while, but then figured I'd keep it open, in case someone I actually do know tries to contact me there. It's a sliver of a hope, and a very small chance, but whatever. I don't go on now unless I get an alert. I like MySpace better because it feels a bit more personal and I feel more in control of "my space" there.

But I digress...

Panda, I am 100% with you on this, and as you can tell, a lot of us feel like you, so you are not alone. Sometimes it feels like there's no escape and you feel like you're gonna be this way the rest of your life. I'm not where I want to be yet, in terms of dealing with myself, but looking back on merely a few years ago, I can already see even more progress with myself, so I just want to let you know that, when you are ready and willing, change will come. It's slow, and often painful in stages, but it's well worth it when you overcome those obstacles.

If you ever need to vent, or ask anything, please don't hesitate. You are among friends here. *hugs*

Yea im getting pretty freakin sick and tired of every website asking for you to register this and sign that and comfirm there and touch this blah blah blah --blah blah.

 

[fluffybunny]

"Know that you are really not these negative feelings and insecurities, they are just conditioning. The real you never changes and is spirit or awareness itself."

Well said, Droplet. I joined this site a little over a week ago because I am stuck in a rut. It's my senior year of college and, despite being a generally friendly and outgoing person, I have basically no close friends (mostly because of getting stuck over and over in isolated, antisocial living arrangements).

When I am feeling particularly lonesome or hopeless, I think that maybe those feelings will never cease. But I know that this isn't true; no person is destined to permanent unhappiness. I am still confident in who I am, and even if I don't feel like I have enough people right now who recognize what I have to offer, it will happen.

Defeatism gets you nowhere; if you tell yourself that you are doomed to be alone then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Trust in yourself. The roads to happiness are often unexpected and start as something small, as a good conversation with someone or feeling you have discovered something in a book you are reading.

No one on this site is alone. We all want to be loved, and I doubt that there is a single person here who doesn't deserve it. Just continue to be yourself and to better yourself, and trust that others will see the good in you.

 

[LonelyDragon]

I know how you feel. Most of my old friends from TX and NH have pages on MySpace. Ever since I moved away from them I tried to keep in touch. Then one by one they stopped replying to e-mails and even picking up the phone when I'd call. In some cases even their families won't talk to me. I don't think I've done anything to deserve this, but I guess they do. Even my family has done this to me.

Going back and reminiscing can be fun when the memories make you feel good. But in cases like ours it can bring on feelings and thoughts that may not be the best or the healthiest. So I stopped trying since it was not only doing that to me, but also because the effort in staying connected was lost.

All we can do is move forward. Do what we can to make new friends if we can work up the nerve. I don't know your situation. But in some ways the starting over idea is a good one in cases like ours. If things seem to be stagnant where you are, is it possible to try something - some place new? I've done this a few times now, but I've let the place be dictated by someone else both times. Personally I've always wanted to go to Nevada. Not necessarily Las Vegas, but someplace a little less commercial. Is there any place you've always thought of going?

Maybe this isn't the most popular advice. Like I said, I don't know your situation. But it's one thing to consider.