Fighting The Emptiness

[SophiaGrace]

I think we all feel this (not just me), it's a part of loneliness and something we have to deal with every day.

I havent been feeling this much lately, mostly been dealing with low energy and trying to get myself to do the things asked of me. Been busy thinking about internships and how I need them in order to get a job later on in my life.

Life is hard. I realize life after college will be harder. 8 hour + days, constantly working except for an hour lunch break and maybe a few coffee/smoke breaks throughout the day.

It makes me want to go to sleep just thinking about it.

Has anyone here accepted that they are a loner and don't feel bad about their lonerness?? I have one friend here at college and I didn't even meet them at college, mostly just have acquaintances, but i keep my head down and smile infrequently, acknowledging them if I think I look okay and if I don't think I do, then I just walk quickly on by. I think if I ever were not a loner that it would take away some of who I am.

Being a loner is part of my identity it seems.

It's strange because as long as I don't have a room to lock myself in and be totally alone (i don't, since i have a room mate) the aloneness seems tolerable.

I'm considering trying to add exercising to my routine to bring my energy level up. It's probably not a bad idea.

Also, I've noticed that I get really irritable with people in general lately. Perhaps for the past year or two. Looking back at high school, i wasn't this way. I didn't get irritated by nearly everyone and their opinions. I don't know what has changed. Maybe I've just developed opinions now and am galled at what I think to be "wrong answers", but I seem to be slighted and bruised (emotionally) easily by others opinions and statements.

I want to go back to bed now despite the fact that i've had 8 hours of rest.

*sigh* Such is life, lol.

 

[sylvestris lybica]

I relate to your feelings!

I think even some loners want the ability to have someone they can hold a meaningful conversation with and connect to, even if they spend most of their time holed up by themselves. Even though I prefer to be alone most of the time, I love feeling close to another person, venting to someone who understands, or comforting someone who needs it. That's what's missing, and that's what's hard to find when you're a loner or introvert. You want the cool friendship stuff without the whole going to parties/socializing/small talk bullshit that most people think of when they hear the word "friend".

 

[SophiaGrace]

I relate to your feelings!

I think even some loners want the ability to have someone they can hold a meaningful conversation with and connect to, even if they spend most of their time holed up by themselves. Even though I prefer to be alone most of the time, I love feeling close to another person, venting to someone who understands, or comforting someone who needs it. That's what's missing, and that's what's hard to find when you're a loner or introvert. You want the cool friendship stuff without the whole going to parties/socializing/small talk bullshit that most people think of when they hear the word "friend".

Do you ever wish you were a person who had no desire to be around others, to please them or have relations with them? Wouldn't you feel so free to do whatever you wanted?

Would that I could be that person.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah, there are times I just sit alone in my apartment wishing I had someone here with me. Right now I have my online game that I have some "friends" on. We great each other when we come online and play the game together, makes it easier to deal with. Other times I just force myself into my hobbies to try and not think about it too much.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

For me....im not so sure if its a belief or
Idea that was raised with.

Religion or the god thing.
I was taught that i nrrded gpd to fill that
Viod i have.
As a child when i was told to ask jesus
To comr into my heart to fill a void.
I had no clue to what the heck people
Were saying...becuase i didnt feel that viod or emptiness.

---

Its also a common belief as i worked the 12 steps.
Wordings from GOD to HP.
The concept still remains the same....
So the belirfs that im saperated from god or
The idea that im empty.....
So its almost like im programmrd to sesrch for that emptiness
To create a problem then the solution is to beliving in GOD.

Within the past couple of years. I came across another teaching.
IM COMPLETE, PERFECT AND WHOLE ALREADY.
That's totally in reverse of my old belief.
If im whole already. It means im not empty.
Its kind if weirx to unlearn something.

---

Honestly, i dont feel empty today.
I might feel bored, hurted, frustrated, angery,
Up set, loved, let down...etc etc
But i dont feel empty.

 

[sylvestris lybica]

Do you ever wish you were a person who had no desire to be around others, to please them or have relations with them? Wouldn't you feel so free to do whatever you wanted?

In a word, yes :I.

But I acknowledge that I'd probably be an ******* if I were like that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Maybe i might have a desire to change my life
Or current livinh conditions

Im more fustrated and up set than anything.
I dont know.....
Kimi contacted me when i really needed her.
I don't know if its a god thing.
But she is that person that i really needed
To hear from. I didnt feel loved before that.
She loves me very much. My daughter means
The world to me. I love her very much.
I feel loved. The one person that can touch
My heart more than her mother is Kimi.
She knows my heart.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Do you ever wish you were a person who had no desire to be around others, to please them or have relations with them? Wouldn't you feel so free to do whatever you wanted?

In a word, yes :I.

But I acknowledge that I'd probably be an ******* if I were like that.

You're right, people would call me a ***** because they wouldn't be operating on the same wavelength as I was.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

The think about it is.....
I violated Kimis trust.
She's already gone round and with her mother.

I already knew i was walking into a vary
Unstable situation. I went round and round
with her mothet a few rounds already.

It blew up in kimis face and mine.
It devistated her. I know the pains
She carries in her heart.
i had hope...lots of hope.

Kimi hursts just the same and more.
She has notjing else to give to anyone.
All thats left in her heart shes choosen
To give to me. My daughter loves me.
She needs me and risking all that she
Has on me...

 

[SophiaGrace]

The think about it is.....
I violated Kimis trust.
She's already gone round and with her mother.

I already knew i was walking into a vary
Unstable situation. I went round and round
with her mothet a few rounds already.

It blew up in kimis face and mine.
It devistated her. I know the pains
She carries in her heart.
i had hope...lots of hope.

Kimi hursts just the same and more.
She has notjing else to give to anyone.
All thats left in her heart shes choosen
To give to me. My daughter loves me.
She needs me and risking all that she
Has on me...

My father hurt me too.

Although by how it sounds your daughter still trusts you, while I don't trust my father.

There's a difference there.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Kimi has my blood in her.
Were a lot a like...
The relationship with my daughter
Is dynamic. Yet we both seek that
Same thing. She understands me
more than most people more than
Most people.

---

Maybe its that bjg void and emptiness prople speak of.
That's going to take a lot of love to fill