Fly Away

[Chris 2]

Weekend really get the worst of me. I feel like I'm the only person in the whole school. With that, my mom call and we talk for a while. And then I tell her I'm lonely, and guess what she said??? You should go to church and pray, and have fun at church tomorrow. Same old respond...Why are my parent like this???

There is no church here and I rather die than go to one anyway.

Now my final decision is to stay over during spring break. There is NO way I'm going back home, and if I could get my wish, I WISH that I never EVER have to go back home.

I think I'm going to DIE in the summer. Why is my parent so ignorant??? They don't care if I'm lonely or not, WTF is their problem. Sometime I wish I was an orphan instead. Maybe like those 4 boys in the movie "December Boy", a very good movie BTW.

Ughh...that is exactly why I am not like everyone else and never will be.

It just bother me so much. What kind of parent don't care if their child is lonely or miserable?

Adding on to that, I feel like I'm living the same life like I did at home. Sure I'm in school and away from my parent, but I still spend most of my life in my room. I am still confuse at this point why I am like this. I remember in high school that if only someone would ask me to be their friend, and don't have to spend every lunch time being ashame and skipping lunch and hiding out in the library. Now in college, people knock at my door and ask me to hang out with them, but I experience so much social anxiety that I can barely open my door. How could social anxiety happen out of nowhere??? Sure I was shy in high school, but I experience 10X more anxiety in college than I ever did in my whole roller coaster of a life. So now I'm going "back to basic". It like it doesn't matter what age I am, or where I go, I always find myself in my room alone, while the world pass me by. Sooner or later, my friend will have bf and gf, and it just going to be extremely awkward for me. I don't hate social anxiety because it is not the cause of my problem. The real cause of my problem is GOD.

Right now I am so CONFUSE, I honestly don't know if I'm curse or not. It a shame really, what a waste of life.

 

[Asaang]

Weekend really get the worst of me. I feel like I'm the only person in the whole school. With that, my mom call and we talk for a while. And then I tell her I'm lonely, and guess what she said??? You should go to church and pray, and have fun at church tomorrow. Same old respond...Why are my parent like this???

There is no church here and I rather die than go to one anyway.

Now my final decision is to stay over during spring break. There is NO way I'm going back home, and if I could get my wish, I WISH that I never EVER have to go back home.

I think I'm going to DIE in the summer. Why is my parent so ignorant??? They don't care if I'm lonely or not, WTF is their problem. Sometime I wish I was an orphan instead. Maybe like those 4 boys in the movie "December Boy", a very good movie BTW.

Ughh...that is exactly why I am not like everyone else and never will be.

It just bother me so much. What kind of parent don't care if their child is lonely or miserable?

Adding on to that, I feel like I'm living the same life like I did at home. Sure I'm in school and away from my parent, but I still spend most of my life in my room. I am still confuse at this point why I am like this. I remember in high school that if only someone would ask me to be their friend, and don't have to spend every lunch time being ashame and skipping lunch and hiding out in the library. Now in college, people knock at my door and ask me to hang out with them, but I experience so much social anxiety that I can barely open my door. How could social anxiety happen out of nowhere??? Sure I was shy in high school, but I experience 10X more anxiety in college than I ever did in my whole roller coaster of a life. So now I'm going "back to basic". It like it doesn't matter what age I am, or where I go, I always find myself in my room alone, while the world pass me by. Sooner or later, my friend will have bf and gf, and it just going to be extremely awkward for me. I don't hate social anxiety because it is not the cause of my problem. The real cause of my problem is GOD.

Right now I am so CONFUSE, I honestly don't know if I'm curse or not. It a shame really, what a waste of life.

I wish I could help you, and tell you how it is from this side of "old", but I'm afraid I can't atm, since I'm seriously pissed right now.

I'd like to cough up a response to this, but since posts like these inspre a certain cautioness in me, I will refrain from giving any experienced and bitter advice. Suffice to say that you are NOT the only one out there.

Just try to hold on; life will take care of the rest, eventually.

 

[Janus]

Why do you say the cause of your problem is God?

Weekend really get the worst of me. I feel like I'm the only person in the whole school. With that, my mom call and we talk for a while. And then I tell her I'm lonely, and guess what she said??? You should go to church and pray, and have fun at church tomorrow. Same old respond...Why are my parent like this???

There is no church here and I rather die than go to one anyway.

Now my final decision is to stay over during spring break. There is NO way I'm going back home, and if I could get my wish, I WISH that I never EVER have to go back home.

I think I'm going to DIE in the summer. Why is my parent so ignorant??? They don't care if I'm lonely or not, WTF is their problem. Sometime I wish I was an orphan instead. Maybe like those 4 boys in the movie "December Boy", a very good movie BTW.

Ughh...that is exactly why I am not like everyone else and never will be.

It just bother me so much. What kind of parent don't care if their child is lonely or miserable?

Adding on to that, I feel like I'm living the same life like I did at home. Sure I'm in school and away from my parent, but I still spend most of my life in my room. I am still confuse at this point why I am like this. I remember in high school that if only someone would ask me to be their friend, and don't have to spend every lunch time being ashame and skipping lunch and hiding out in the library. Now in college, people knock at my door and ask me to hang out with them, but I experience so much social anxiety that I can barely open my door. How could social anxiety happen out of nowhere??? Sure I was shy in high school, but I experience 10X more anxiety in college than I ever did in my whole roller coaster of a life. So now I'm going "back to basic". It like it doesn't matter what age I am, or where I go, I always find myself in my room alone, while the world pass me by. Sooner or later, my friend will have bf and gf, and it just going to be extremely awkward for me. I don't hate social anxiety because it is not the cause of my problem. The real cause of my problem is GOD.

Right now I am so CONFUSE, I honestly don't know if I'm curse or not. It a shame really, what a waste of life.

 

[Bluey]

You blame GOD cos you think he can change anything but dose not. I have done that and if I get up there and find that is the case am going to be kicking some ass I can tell you. If that's possible and if he dose really exist which I doubt. Well not in the contexts that the bible would explain. You could go to church even if you do think its all a lode of you know what. Just that Churches normally have a good social network.

It is normal that ones your have known your own freedom away from your parents that you would not want to go back. You have your independents for how much its worth but its difficult to let go of that ones you got it. and very few ppl would go back home after being away for so long. That's all normal.

maybe your parents don't realise just how much alone you are. There problobly out of touch with you and your life. A lot of students go from xterm feelings of isolation and loneliness. You only have to look around this sight for prov of that. You are doing very well I would say. You know your problems you just have trouble in dealing with them.

I think you make light of social anxiety. ppl have killed them self cos of this. It affects the brine in a way that no other illness dose. This can be taken care of. Have you been in touch with anyone at uni about the way your feeling? Maybe you have said be for on here. I may have not seen it or forgot about it.

There normally is some sort of counseling set up at uni. Go and enquirer. It doesnt matter what they think of you. You well leave that place one day hopefully with some qualifications that well give you a good well paid job hopefully. If nothing else this sight and the students that come here should have proved to you that you are in the most difficult stage of your life right now. So if you suffer with something like social anxiety its going to be it its worst right now for you then it every well be in your life.

Peace dude and remember your worth a lot and always respect your self.

 

[mink]

I'm sorry that it seemed like your parents don't care about you or won't listen to you. But have you tried sitting them down and really talk about how you exactly feel? Sometimes parents think we say we're lonely cos we could be too busy with school.. or that we miss them while they're far away. Perhaps that's why your Mom has asked you to bring some calm to yourself by going to church? Just trying to see some reasons..which are more positive.

I hope things really work out for you, Chris. And hopefully you feel better soon.

I think I'm going to DIE in the summer. Why is my parent so ignorant??? They don't care if I'm lonely or not, WTF is their problem. Sometime I wish I was an orphan instead.

You won't die in the summer. You're a strong person, you'll get through the summer, and I'm sure you can get through this as well.
And well I'm sure many orphans would rather want to be in your place too. You've got what they don't have. Well even if things don't seem to work out? You can make them work out by working them out. Like for example, have a real talk with your parents, get them to really listen to you. Or you can start small with yourself like get to go around and see people. Don't have to say anything to them, just observe and think positive. Then work your way up to saying hi to those who talk to you or ask you to hang out. Small steps if it seems difficult for you.

Ughh...that is exactly why I am not like everyone else and never will be.

I don't think everyone should be like everyone else lol. That'd be boring. Your own personality is unique and sure, only certain people may find it interesting, some people may not. But it at least matters, if at least one person does care about you. And you have so many here who cares

Right now I am so CONFUSE, I honestly don't know if I'm curse or not. It a shame really, what a waste of life.

You're not cursed. You can change your life to be better. It's all in your hands. If you take action, there will be outcome. May be good or bad, but there's still an outcome. You can find ways to improve if it's bad..or even good. And by doing so, you never know what could happen. Life is full of surprises...

 

[blak000]

Chris2,

Sorry to be harsh, but I think it's best if you stop finding people (or deities) to blame for your troubles. It seems like people are reaching out for you, but you're pushing them away. Instead of wasting energy finding things to hate or blame, I think you should try doing things that are a bit more constructive. Remember: hate and anger only create more of the same, and rarely fix any problems.

Your mom only suggested that you go to church, because she thinks it's a place where you can find strong moral support and kind-hearted people. If church isn't for you, then that's fine -- just please don't be angry at your parents. They do care, but I'm sure they don't really know what else they can tell you. How can you help someone that lives far away? Before getting angry at them, ask yourself: "What did I expect them to do?" If you can't think of some immediate, concrete answer, then you might begin to realize how helpless they might feel. Whether you want to or not, you have to realize that you're no longer in high school anymore. As the years go by, your parents are going to (or should) coddle you less and less. You're becoming an adult; it's scary, but it's also a part of life. I'm sure they care for you, but maybe a part of them thinks that you should deal with this on your own.

Hate to tell you this, but you're stuck in a Catch-22: you don't go out with friends because you have social anxiety, but you won't fix your social anxiety unless you start going out with your friends. Next time someone asks you to come hang out, just take a deep breath and say "Yes" (unless you have a lot of work to do =P). Who knows, maybe you might end up having a lot of fun. If things don't go well the first time, don't be discouraged. Just keep going out again and again. Eventually, you might find that the anxiety and fear isn't as intense as it used to be. If people sense that you're uncomfortable and ask you about it, just be honest. Tell them that you're a little nervous being out socially with new people, but that you wanted to enjoy hanging out with them (you might want to refrain from anything extreme, like screaming out, "I'm flippin out!!"; they'll just think you're crazy). If they're really your friends, then they'll understand.

If you find that hanging out with people is just too difficult, then you might want to consider seeking therapy. Your school health insurance might cover it, and you could get professional help in dealing with your problem.

 

[lonelyloser]

I can't wait to die cause that will mark the end of my stupid family! We've had too many generations of worthless shitheads. My fam consists of depressed hermits who just make other people around them angry. We all hate each other. We're all very selfish. No therapist or doctor can save me. Which is a good thing because this lineage needs to end already. My ancestors had a moral obligation not to procreate, but they did it anyway. Consequently another shitface was born (me) and I've just had to suffer my whole life without contributing anything to the world. My family puts up this facade that we are normal when in fact we are Worthless ******** with Mental Diseases who just take up space. That is why I feel for Chris cause at some point you realize that all the therapy in the world will not make a difference and you'll always be different and inferior to everyone else which makes life absolutely pointless. I feel like I have some kind of terminal illness or disability. Even when I did have friends, I felt so weak compared to them, which made me want to go in my shell even more so that I didn't have to deal with it. And then because I'm socially awkward I would say something weird and they'd ignore me and think I was trash. It seems like there are places to go for people who have drug problems or problems with violence but there's nowhere for me to go. I am just trapped in my own world of futility.

 

[gersonvanessa]

Hi Chris,

I hope things will turn out well for you. I wish there was something that I can do to help you overcome your social anxiety. It is hard for our parents to understand us. They were brought up different. And hey, everyone has his/her own personality. We are not alike. And it is difficult for your parents to understand your situation if you don't share it with them.

But from your other posts, I think that your mom really cares about you. My mom is like that too. She talks and talks and talks. I hated it when she nags. But deep down inside, I know that she loves me very much.

She wants the best for me, but sometime, I hate how she interferes with my life.

Like you, I too have society insecurity. I'm overweight. It wasn't always like this. I used to be skinny and attracts a few guys. But now a day, no one gives me a second glance. Sometime I wish I could be like other girls.

Guys tend not to care about girls that are overweight. People cares too much about look. =(

I hope things will turn out well for you. Please don't think about suicide.

your friend,

Vanessa

 

[Skorian]

Weekend really get the worst of me. I feel like I'm the only person in the whole school. With that, my mom call and we talk for a while. And then I tell her I'm lonely, and guess what she said??? You should go to church and pray, and have fun at church tomorrow. Same old respond...Why are my parent like this???

There is no church here and I rather die than go to one anyway.

Now my final decision is to stay over during spring break. There is NO way I'm going back home, and if I could get my wish, I WISH that I never EVER have to go back home.

I think I'm going to DIE in the summer. Why is my parent so ignorant??? They don't care if I'm lonely or not, WTF is their problem. Sometime I wish I was an orphan instead. Maybe like those 4 boys in the movie "December Boy", a very good movie BTW.

Ughh...that is exactly why I am not like everyone else and never will be.

It just bother me so much. What kind of parent don't care if their child is lonely or miserable?

Adding on to that, I feel like I'm living the same life like I did at home. Sure I'm in school and away from my parent, but I still spend most of my life in my room. I am still confuse at this point why I am like this. I remember in high school that if only someone would ask me to be their friend, and don't have to spend every lunch time being ashame and skipping lunch and hiding out in the library. Now in college, people knock at my door and ask me to hang out with them, but I experience so much social anxiety that I can barely open my door. How could social anxiety happen out of nowhere??? Sure I was shy in high school, but I experience 10X more anxiety in college than I ever did in my whole roller coaster of a life. So now I'm going "back to basic". It like it doesn't matter what age I am, or where I go, I always find myself in my room alone, while the world pass me by. Sooner or later, my friend will have bf and gf, and it just going to be extremely awkward for me. I don't hate social anxiety because it is not the cause of my problem. The real cause of my problem is GOD.

Right now I am so CONFUSE, I honestly don't know if I'm curse or not. It a shame really, what a waste of life.

Don't give up Chris.

 

[Chris 2]

You blame GOD cos you think he can change anything but dose not. I have done that and if I get up there and find that is the case am going to be kicking some ass I can tell you. If that's possible and if he dose really exist which I doubt. Well not in the contexts that the bible would explain. You could go to church even if you do think its all a lode of you know what. Just that Churches normally have a good social network.

It is normal that ones your have known your own freedom away from your parents that you would not want to go back. You have your independents for how much its worth but its difficult to let go of that ones you got it. and very few ppl would go back home after being away for so long. That's all normal.

maybe your parents don't realise just how much alone you are. There problobly out of touch with you and your life. A lot of students go from xterm feelings of isolation and loneliness. You only have to look around this sight for prov of that. You are doing very well I would say. You know your problems you just have trouble in dealing with them.

I think you make light of social anxiety. ppl have killed them self cos of this. It affects the brine in a way that no other illness dose. This can be taken care of. Have you been in touch withanyone at uni about the way your feeling? Maybe you have said be for on here. I may have not seen it or forgot about it.

There normally is some sort of counseling set up at uni. Go and enquirer. It doesnt matter what they think of you. You well leave that place one day hopefully with some qualifications that well give you a good well paid job hopefully. If nothing else this sight and the students that come here should have proved to you that you are in the most difficult stage of your life right now. So if you suffer with something like social anxiety its going to be it its worst right now for you then it every well be in your life.

Peace dude and remember your worth a lot and always respect your self.

Thank you, your post mean a lot to me.

I have to say I haven't been depress for exactly counting today, which is 31 day. I am writing this because I am sad. I hope there a difference between the two. I guess I don't feel too depress because I turn on music 24/7 and even when I sleep. I guess I don't know why I' m not depress, but it probably because I don't care as much as I use to. I agree with one of the reply, it doesn't matter if I have lot of friend or not, I always feel weak and inferior to them.

Let me give a clear example: If I see people in public, I look at them and say sure their cool people, and I can definitely be their friend, but what if they go to party, or have girl come over? I can't handle that, and that why all the drug and therapy in the world will help me. So now I don't care much, and that why I'm not depress, but I'm still sad.

well just wanted to let you guy know that your respond mean a lot to me!

 

[gersonvanessa]

[/quote]

I agree with one of the reply, it doesn't matter if I have lot of friend or not, I always feel weak and inferior to them.

Let me give a clear example: If I see people in public, I look at them and say sure their cool people, and I can definitely be their friend, but what if they go to party, or have girl come over? I can't handle that, and that why all the drug and therapy in the world will help me. So now I don't care much, and that why I'm not depress, but I'm still sad.

well just wanted to let you guy know that your respond mean a lot to me!
[/quote]

Inferior is nothing but a state of mind. Do you remember the struggle African American endured thorough American History? Or the struggle the Jews endured during WWII?

Who is to stay that we are inferior? People might call us names and put us down. But if we can overcome negative feelings, we can overcome anything.

Your biggest fear right now is yourself. You are afraid that you are not good enough. You are afraid that the body that you were born into prevent you from achieve your dream/goals.

I don't think you are afraid of other people (e.g. girls). You are afraid of rejection and not knowing how to socialize. You are afraid of the party scene. You are afraid of not knowing how to react when a girl tells you that she likes you. You are afraid of the impression you will make on other people. You are afraid that people will judge you.

I think that you are afraid of yourself. You are afraid to bring yourself out the dorm room

"The Greatest Fear We Have is FEAR Itself" - FDR.

Don't be afraid to take a chance. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself. Don't be afraid to express your view. Don't be afraid to help another person. Don't be afraid to be successful!

Don't let fear deter you from enjoying your life with the people who loves you.

your friend,
Vanessa

 

[blak000]

gersonvanessa: I think everything you said was just fantastic.

 

[Chris 2]

I agree with one of the reply, it doesn't matter if I have lot of friend or not, I always feel weak and inferior to them.

Let me give a clear example: If I see people in public, I look at them and say sure their cool people, and I can definitely be their friend, but what if they go to party, or have girl come over? I can't handle that, and that why all the drug and therapy in the world will help me. So now I don't care much, and that why I'm not depress, but I'm still sad.

well just wanted to let you guy know that your respond mean a lot to me!
[/quote]

Inferior is nothing but a state of mind. Do you remember the struggle African American endured thorough American History? Or the struggle the Jews endured during WWII?

Who is to stay that we are inferior? People might call us names and put us down. But if we can overcome negative feelings, we can overcome anything.

Your biggest fear right now is yourself. You are afraid that you are not good enough. You are afraid that the body that you were born into prevent you from achieve your dream/goals.

I don't think you are afraid of other people (e.g. girls). You are afraid of rejection and not knowing how to socialize. You are afraid of the party scene. You are afraid of not knowing how to react when a girl tells you that she likes you. You are afraid of the impression you will make on other people. You are afraid that people will judge you.

I think that you are afraid of yourself. You are afraid to bring yourself out the dorm room

"The Greatest Fear We Have is FEAR Itself" - FDR.

Don't be afraid to take a chance. Don't be afraid to believe in yourself. Don't be afraid to express your view. Don't be afraid to help another person. Don't be afraid to be successful!

Don't let fear deter you from enjoying your life with the people who loves you.

your friend,
Vanessa
[/quote]

How? How did you know about if a girl like me, I wouldn't know how to react??? Then you must also know that if people gave me a surprise birthday party, or even love me, I suppose you know that I wouldn't know how to react either right?

I just don't know how to react in any situation, doesn't matter if it love or hate.

Vanessa, your an amazing person, it like you have a 6th sense

Glad to have you on this forum

 

[Skorian]

Darned quotes!!!

Ya, but just remind yourself, you don't have a clue what they think and it doesn't really matter anyways. Just matters what you think.



Hey Vanessa, how come you post so little?

 

[gersonvanessa]

How? How did you know about if a girl like me, I wouldn't know how to react??? Then you must also know that if people gave me a surprise birthday party, or even love me, I suppose you know that I wouldn't know how to react either right?

I just don't know how to react in any situation, doesn't matter if it love or hate.

Vanessa, your an amazing person, it like you have a 6th sense

Glad to have you on this forum

We were all babies once. Not knowing a clue about the world. But we grew up. Learned about the world (both the goods and bads). And we are constantly learning (regardless of whether we liked it or not).

When it comes to reaction, let your feeling dictates your emotion. Don't be afraid to be happy, sad, or mad. Don't be afraid to tell another person your opinion. If someone say something hurtful to you, don't be afraid to speak up. If someones say something nice, don't be afraid to thank them.

Sometime we react in the wrong way and hurt another person's feeling. Hey, we all make mistakes! But don't be afraid to apology when you are wrong. Practice makes perfect!!!!

A mentor once told me not to be afraid to make mistakes. The most successful person is one who makes the most mistakes. Why? Because he/she learned from each mistake.

Despite your comment that you don't "know how to react." I would like to disagree. I read a lot of your postings and each one shows your reaction. You convey your feelings and emotions and share your thoughts. You express your anger and sadness (and sometime happiness) through each posting. Chris, we are all humans. With emotions and thoughts. Your postings helped inspire other people to share their emotions. It is throughout each of these posting that we get to express our feelings and in turn help each other.

Don't be afraid to learn! Don't be afraid to enjoy life! Don't be afraid to pursuit your passion!