Friend decides to randomly talk to me after 3 months?

[GrannySmith111]

Just need to get this off my chest... So some of you may know my little story with my group of friends. Things just went kinda downhill after a while. We stopped talking and hanging out and they would seem to blow me off every time I tried to get them too. For some reason though, they seemed to always be down to play video games. Maybe because they didn't have anyone else to play with online?

Long story short, it all reached the climax like 3 months ago. We were planning to go to a game and it was unclear whether or not they were going. I kept asking them and they wouldn't give me a clear answer. I got frustrated after a while and found out that they had all met up to complete their homework they didn't do.

After that little incident, I just stopped talking with them. I deleted them off my friends list on xbox. Felt like they were just using me at that point. Nothing happened for months and I kinda just moved on and tried to find a new group of friends.

Just today though, one of them randomly texts me asking me why I deleted him and my other friend. This was like 3 months ago so it was a bit weird that he just noticed today. I just told him that it was because they didn't get online anymore and we don't even hangout or talk anymore. When I told him I wasn't adding him again, he got angry at me and said I always hold grudges and I'm mad at them for the wrong reasons. He said that I thought they didn't wanna hangout with me when in reality it was just because they couldn't or didn't have time.

Its as if I'm in the wrong here? I used to always ask them to hangout. There must have been some curse on us, because it seemed that EVERY TIME I asked them to hangout, they were busy or couldn't. After that little incident with the football game, I just stopped talking to them and moved on. They never contacted me once after that to ask me to hangout.

I just cannot understand why he chose today to bring this up? Is there something I'm missing here? Did I just overlook everything and misjudge them? From my point of view, they were just blowing me off every time I asked them to hangout. Only time we would talk would be when we were playing video games. After a while, I just questioned what the point of playing video games with them was. I deleted them and stopped talking to them. They literally said nothing to me about this until randomly today, when my friend claims that I was looking at them wrong.

Yeah, this is some stupid high school crap. But why? I don't get it.

 

[Nightwing]

I'm with you on this. If you don't talk for 3 months and nobody seems to have noticed, then you're not really friends.

Never forget how horrendously self centred teens can be. They're still developing emotionally and many find it difficult to put themselves in the shoes of somebody else. Stay the course and find yourself some new/better friends. Nobody deserves "friends" who don't notice them for 3 months. You're in the right.

(From my perspective... the person is angry because they're just that self centred and entitled. Like you should be always available for them whenever they feel like it and your decision to make up your own mind is utterly unacceptable to them. The fact that this thinking doesn't bother to take any notice of your own feelings is pretty much why we all dislike the self centred people who never think of anyone except themselves.)

 

[GrannySmith111]

I'm with you on this. If you don't talk for 3 months and nobody seems to have noticed, then you're not really friends.

Never forget how horrendously self centered teens can be. They're still developing emotionally and many find it difficult to put themselves in the shoes of somebody else. Stay the course and find yourself some new/better friends. Nobody deserves "friends" who don't notice them for 3 months. You're in the right.

(From my perspective... the person is angry because they're just that self centred and entitled. Like you should be always available for them whenever they feel like it and your decision to make up your own mind is utterly unacceptable to them. The fact that this thinking doesn't bother to take any notice of your own feelings is pretty much why we all dislike the self centred people who never think of anyone except themselves.)

You are right. I was thinking back then if maybe I was being too self centered. I still think about it now. Was it really because they were busy? Was I misinterpreting everything? It's hard for me to put myself in someone else's shoes.

I didn't just randomly leave them one day for no reason. Time after time, we just stopped hanging out. Again and again they would blow me off everytime I did ask them to hangout. I would even ask them to hangout on days I couldn't, just to see what they would say. They would still hangout amongst themselves though, without saying a single word to me.

What my friend is trying to tell me know is that they never intentionally left me out of anything, it was just that they couldn't hangout. I guess the universe didn't want us to be friends then, because this went on for ages. Even after I deleted them this particular friend of mine didn't say anything to me for months. Now that he finally talks to me, it wasn't to hangout or anything. It was to add him as a friend online to play video games with him. When I just told him no, he says I always think I'm right and I am wrong for having something against them.

Was I the one that got angry at them for not being available when I was? It honestly did seem like they were never down to hangout. Amongst themselves though, I always saw in the group chat where they would hangout and not say a word to me. I tried to give it time and assumed that it really was bad timing. I really couldn't take it anymore with that football game incident though.

 

[Gutted]

I'm with you. Sounds like your 'friend' is bored or something and now a small effort is being made to sort this issue. But with you being the one to blame. Logic fail.

 

[Nightwing]

There's bad timimg... there's just coincidences. But you're right man. From what you're saying, it sounds like a clear pattern of behaviour.

Still what gets me is... what defence is there for "I didn't notice you'd removed me from your friends list for 3 months."

I notice right away if a friend removes me from their list. (A proper friend that is... not the random person who you don't really know and don't really talk to.)

You've been pushed past your breaking point and I think you deserve better treatment. You're still at the stage in your life where it'll be easier to make new friends and join other groups. There's plenty of encouragement around here to make new friends, so I say go for it! You've identified that you want better. You certainly deserve better. Now it's time to go and get better!

 

[ladyforsaken]

That's not really what I'd call a friend.

 

[Groucho]

When I just told him no, he says I always think I'm right and I am wrong for having something against them.

NightWing's comment of 'clear pattern of behaviour' immediately clicked for me because this is a behavioural pattern I recognise in the guy you're referring to. Psychopathic manipulator.

In a sense, when you originally had no value (the 3 months prior), they were disinterested in you, and given they have been disinterested for the next 3 months they didn't consider your loss significant enough to warrant attention (the deadline for reaction is usually 1 week - if they don't notice you're missing after 1 week then they won't notice if you're missing at all and it's intentional).

Now he returns asking for you to do as he says 'add me as a friend' - manipulator. When you decline, say no, assert yourself, he immediately blames you (this is known as 'DARVO' deny attack reverse victim/offender) for the problems he's caused - psychopathic in he doesn't consider your feelings, just what usage you are to him in terms of gameplay value.


Personally, using myself as a contrast to his behaviour, if you had expressed a fear I was ignoring you, my reaction would be to try to reassure you that I wasn't. Unless I was ignoring you, of which I would openly acknowledge and admit it and wouldn't shift blame to you (I would however explain my reasons for ignoring you. Say I felt I was being used, that would be a reason).

In a sense, my reaction, if I was innocent, would be to extend to you an olive branch to repair the friendship with (because I would value you, and your opinion). If I was guilty (? is that the right word for it?) I would clarify and acknowledge my actions unless the other person ignored me first.

Obviously you would have to give me a chance to implement the olive branch (so we might agree that we keep each other informed as to what we're doing, or when we're busy, or whatever suitable arrangement that allays the fears).

Either way, I wouldn't attack you for non-compliance with a request without addressing the problem in communication first. It seems to me he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong in not keeping you informed and thus doesn't care.

Want to get to the heart of the real issue?

Ask him if he has anyone else to play with, and if he doesn't, why not?

Maybe it will offer a moment of realisation for him.

 

[edamame721]

I had a similar thing happen to me where I was making the effort to be someone's friend who wasn't making the same effort back. Eventually, I left him alone and when I was conveniently around him the next time, he started trying to be nice to me again. I do miss the times we connected, but I can't be friends with someone only when it suits them.

I had another friend who kept brushing me off -- the reason I was trying to meet with them was because I felt we were drifting apart. Eventually I realized they weren't willing to give me the time, so our friendship cooled. I no longer had a confidant, but I also no longer had to deal with her negativity or the hurt she'd deal me when other parts of her life were stressful.

I think your former friends just couldn't see that they were taking advantage of you. They just didn't understand why it was important for you to hangout and still don't. Don't let their anger get to you. You know you did your best and tried for a long time. *hugs*

 

[GrannySmith111]

I had a similar thing happen to me where I was making the effort to be someone's friend who wasn't making the same effort back. Eventually, I left him alone and when I was conveniently around him the next time, he started trying to be nice to me again. I do miss the times we connected, but I can't be friends with someone only when it suits them.

I had another friend who kept brushing me off -- the reason I was trying to meet with them was because I felt we were drifting apart. Eventually I realized they weren't willing to give me the time, so our friendship cooled. I no longer had a confidant, but I also no longer had to deal with her negativity or the hurt she'd deal me when other parts of her life were stressful.

I think your former friends just couldn't see that they were taking advantage of you. They just didn't understand why it was important for you to hangout and still don't. Don't let their anger get to you. You know you did your best and tried for a long time. *hugs*

Thank you for the kind words! I guess its time to move on then. Even if we randomly became friends again, I don't feel like it would be the same like back in the days. I've turned into a convenience friend for them.

---

When I just told him no, he says I always think I'm right and I am wrong for having something against them.

NightWing's comment of 'clear pattern of behaviour' immediately clicked for me because this is a behavioural pattern I recognise in the guy you're referring to. Psychopathic manipulator.

In a sense, when you originally had no value (the 3 months prior), they were disinterested in you, and given they have been disinterested for the next 3 months they didn't consider your loss significant enough to warrant attention (the deadline for reaction is usually 1 week - if they don't notice you're missing after 1 week then they won't notice if you're missing at all and it's intentional).

Now he returns asking for you to do as he says 'add me as a friend' - manipulator. When you decline, say no, assert yourself, he immediately blames you (this is known as 'DARVO' deny attack reverse victim/offender) for the problems he's caused - psychopathic in he doesn't consider your feelings, just what usage you are to him in terms of gameplay value.


Personally, using myself as a contrast to his behaviour, if you had expressed a fear I was ignoring you, my reaction would be to try to reassure you that I wasn't. Unless I was ignoring you, of which I would openly acknowledge and admit it and wouldn't shift blame to you (I would however explain my reasons for ignoring you. Say I felt I was being used, that would be a reason).

In a sense, my reaction, if I was innocent, would be to extend to you an olive branch to repair the friendship with (because I would value you, and your opinion). If I was guilty (? is that the right word for it?) I would clarify and acknowledge my actions unless the other person ignored me first.

Obviously you would have to give me a chance to implement the olive branch (so we might agree that we keep each other informed as to what we're doing, or when we're busy, or whatever suitable arrangement that allays the fears).

Either way, I wouldn't attack you for non-compliance with a request without addressing the problem in communication first. It seems to me he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong in not keeping you informed and thus doesn't care.

Want to get to the heart of the real issue?

Ask him if he has anyone else to play with, and if he doesn't, why not?

Maybe it will offer a moment of realisation for him.

Wow, I never looked at it this way before. Very intriguing now that someone puts it into these terms.

In our somewhat long convo over text, he told me he didn't need me anymore since he got the next gen consoles apparently. Then I asked him if that was the case why he was so interested in adding me.

He told me something along the lines of, since I'm his friend I should add him online. I didn't know that friends just ignored my disappearance for 3 months. His only defense for why they never hung out with me in the past was because they were busy. As you said, he seems to be putting the blame on me.

His arguments/explanations on why he's bringing this up 3 months after I deleted him, why they couldn't hangout and why they never talked to me for 3 months straight are invalid. Yet he told me that my reasons for not adding him didn't make sense. He's simply arguing for the sake of arguing at this point. This "olive branch" you talk about is nowhere to be seen lol. He says that I should add him because I know him in real life and I'm his friends. He goes to mention that the other people on my friends list I probably don't even hangout with in real life, so why shouldn't I add him?

He has to know what I'm TRYING to say to him right? Bro, you haven't talked to me in 3 months after I deleted you and we stopped hanging out way before that. I don't wanna add you since you're simply adding me because you have nobody else to play with on that day and you found me conveniently available for you.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

You are right. I was thinking back then if maybe I was being too self centered. I still think about it now. Was it really because they were busy? Was I misinterpreting everything? It's hard for me to put myself in someone else's shoes.

I didn't just randomly leave them one day for no reason. Time after time, we just stopped hanging out. Again and again they would blow me off everytime I did ask them to hangout. I would even ask them to hangout on days I couldn't, just to see what they would say. They would still hangout amongst themselves though, without saying a single word to me.

What my friend is trying to tell me know is that they never intentionally left me out of anything, it was just that they couldn't hangout. I guess the universe didn't want us to be friends then, because this went on for ages. Even after I deleted them this particular friend of mine didn't say anything to me for months. Now that he finally talks to me, it wasn't to hangout or anything. It was to add him as a friend online to play video games with him. When I just told him no, he says I always think I'm right and I am wrong for having something against them.

Was I the one that got angry at them for not being available when I was? It honestly did seem like they were never down to hangout. Amongst themselves though, I always saw in the group chat where they would hangout and not say a word to me. I tried to give it time and assumed that it really was bad timing. I really couldn't take it anymore with that football game incident though.

3 months of no contact from a supposed friend is a VEERRRRYYYYY long time. I'm totally down with you on this one, buddy. Your friend(s) don't give a crap about you and are just trying to save face. Admitting that they don't care about you but still need an extra man to play games might be the reality of the situation, but don't expect anyone to admit it because that would sound like they are using you... cuz they are.

 

[Sci-Fi]

They aren't your friends, and yeah it's all just stupid high school crap. Right now it seems like a big deal but when you get older you'll see it wasn't. There is something they aren't telling you or being truthful with, if they don't want to tell you then cut them loose and move on, find some new friends.

 

[Groucho]

Wow, I never looked at it this way before. Very intriguing now that someone puts it into these terms.

In our somewhat long convo over text, he told me he didn't need me anymore since he got the next gen consoles apparently. Then I asked him if that was the case why he was so interested in adding me.

He told me something along the lines of, since I'm his friend I should add him online. I didn't know that friends just ignored my disappearance for 3 months. His only defense for why they never hung out with me in the past was because they were busy. As you said, he seems to be putting the blame on me.

His arguments/explanations on why he's bringing this up 3 months after I deleted him, why they couldn't hangout and why they never talked to me for 3 months straight are invalid. Yet he told me that my reasons for not adding him didn't make sense. He's simply arguing for the sake of arguing at this point. This "olive branch" you talk about is nowhere to be seen lol. He says that I should add him because I know him in real life and I'm his friends. He goes to mention that the other people on my friends list I probably don't even hangout with in real life, so why shouldn't I add him?

He has to know what I'm TRYING to say to him right? Bro, you haven't talked to me in 3 months after I deleted you and we stopped hanging out way before that. I don't wanna add you since you're simply adding me because you have nobody else to play with on that day and you found me conveniently available for you.

His argument merely assumes you're (still) his friend. Being someone's friend doesn't mean you do what they say - that's the definition of a tool. A friend is just someone who is there for you when you need them and is willing to help and talk (that is not to say they are or should be willing to do anything, but they'd be eager to help).

Seeing as his gaming habits aren't a 'need' it's entirely optional. And I don't see how he could be busy for 3 months continuously - are we to assume he was so busy as to be unable to game? Because if he isn't busy enough to stop gaming, then he wasn't busy. The 'busy' excuse I've personally heard countless times, even when the same person claimed they went out on a two hour shop with a friend. Busy is codespeak for 'I've been avoiding you but I don't want to tell you the reason why'.

You'd know a busy person when you see them. They'd be exhausted, rarely online, stressed, coming home late, complaints about workload and/or work, etc. People with spare time to game aren't 'busy'.

You're better than that. Not worth your time if he isn't willing to invest. He could at least drop you a communique saying he's busy. I usually try to acknowledge responses if I can if I feel I'm taking too long.

 

[kamya]

Maybe they noticed that you deleted them and decided that you were done with them. If you actually wanted them to say something afterwards then it just shows that you tried to take a really childish way of dealing with whatever problems you had. I only get to see my best friends every once in a while, and we sometimes do our own thing and end up not talking at all for months. And guess what? I'm not 100% busy for all of that time. If my friends really need something I will be there for them but if I don't feel like doing something with them, I don't. It's just how some people are. It also takes me a little while to notice sometimes when people delete me or delete their Facebook.

I've been deleted before by someone that still acts friendly towards me and I still don't really understand wtf their problem is. They contact me every couple months to catch up but won't add me back for whatever reason. It's really hard to be civil with people like that. I guarantee within another month I'll be contacted again with them asking how I am doing. I'll be as pleasant as possible for a little bit until I say something to piss them off. I can't pretend to be nice to people like that. I hope you aren't acting like my former friend because it's annoying as fresia.

 

[jaguarundi]

The OP and all of these posts including last one from Kamya show the very different ways people have at looking at what being a friend is all about.

I have to say that deep down in my heart I am egocentric, and quick to take offence at things I perceive as slights from mates. Because I would never dream of treating a friend the way some of mine treat me I could get into thinking like this ..why is it always me who has to call them? I could be dead for all they seem to care, it isn't right, what have I done wrong, what is going on with them? ... and so on and so forth ad nauseum.

What I had to learn is - that I don't know what is going on in other people's heads, - that they have other priorities sometimes and their own lives to live, and most importantly, like Kamya, - their definition of friendship may not be the same as mine. They are likely to be thinking that if I don't call them, it means that I am fine, as they would be there for me if I did.. It doesn't mean that they aren't friends - it's a clash of definitions. And that if I kept ditching people because of stuff like that I would never, ever have any friends at all.

Ok you are young, it is high-school stuff, though non the less upsetting to you because of that. And I have to say that 3 months silence is a bit thick, to put it mildly. So this lot - no, they aren't the kind that will be good for you.

But just be aware of what I have said above in your new friendships, will you? It took me a bit longer than it should to learn it. Try for a bit of perspective with your mates, remember, what truly counts is what you will do for each other when the chips are down.

 

[GrannySmith111]

The OP and all of these posts including last one from Kamya show the very different ways people have at looking at what being a friend is all about.

I have to say that deep down in my heart I am egocentric, and quick to take offense at things I perceive as slights from mates. Because I would never dream of treating a friend the way some of mine treat me I could get into thinking like this ..why is it always me who has to call them? I could be dead for all they seem to care, it isn't right, what have I done wrong, what is going on with them? ... and so on and so forth ad nausea.

What I had to learn is - that I don't know what is going on in other people's heads, - that they have other priorities sometimes and their own lives to live, and most importantly, like Kamya, - their definition of friendship may not be the same as mine. They are likely to be thinking that if I don't call them, it means that I am fine, as they would be there for me if I did.. It doesn't mean that they aren't friends - it's a clash of definitions. And that if I kept ditching people because of stuff like that I would never, ever have any friends at all.

Ok you are young, it is high-school stuff, though non the less upsetting to you because of that. And I have to say that 3 months silence is a bit thick, to put it mildly. So this lot - no, they aren't the kind that will be good for you.

But just be aware of what I have said above in your new friendships, will you? It took me a bit longer than it should to learn it. Try for a bit of perspective with your mates, remember, what truly counts is what you will do for each other when the chips are down.

Yeah. A majority of the people who posted are saying that these people aren't really friends. Most of me agrees with this, but as you said there are differing points of views like the post before you. I wanted to see if maybe I was missing any of these. A simple thread in a forum doesn't fully layout the whole situation for all of you guys either.

I'm past the point of trying to repair the friendship. The 3 months of silence was too thick. Plus, as I said even before that, we stopped hanging out for a long period of time too. Even if we were to randomly become "friends" again, it wouldn't feel the same.

I do wonder if I took offense to those little things too seriously. I tried to keep that in mind at the time. I kind of let those little things slide past me whenever they told me they'd hangout but then said something different later.

They were a close knit group of friends I had for a long time. I express my anger everytime they told me they couldn't hang. It built up time after time until I couldn't deal with the crap they were giving me anymore. I tried to confront them with what I was feeling. I told them that I didn't go to the same school as them and don't know what is going on, but clearly things are different and we rarely ever hangout anymore. The same "busy" excuse kept getting pulled.

I do agree with what most of you are saying, these people aren't really friends anymore lol. Its really surprising why he would contact me after 3 months of silence and act like nothing was going on. Then when I refused to add him politely, he got upset in a flash.

Before all this happened, was I in the wrong for just leaving them without saying a word? I had tried to ask them what was going on without success. They kept telling me they were busy, sometimes not even responding. It was pretty clear they didn't care about me anymore and I was just a convenience friend. Was it the right thing to just sever all ties with them and disappear like this?

 

[jaguarundi]

Before all this happened, was I in the wrong for just leaving them without saying a word? I had tried to ask them what was going on without success. They kept telling me they were busy, sometimes not even responding. It was pretty clear they didn't care about me anymore and I was just a convenience friend. Was it the right thing to just sever all ties with them and disappear like this?

Hmm yesnoyes - maybe. Thing is what it does do is make you look a bit like a sulky kid (I think Kamya said something along those lines). Unfortunately saying something like 'I haven't heard from you so I don't think we are friends anymore' just adds 'whiney' into the mix!
I understand you probably did it because you were a bit hurt by all this, and I am guessing that you don't much like confrontations especially if it relates to your feelings? Forget about it now, 'cos what is done is done. You and these guys just drifted apart, you tried to keep it going but for whatever reason it didn't work - and that's all there is to it.

Take it from someone old enough to be your Grandma - keeping it going round and round in your head wondering why and 'what if' won't help you now, or in the future. Some new friends more suited to how you are, and a bit of perspective, and you will wonder why you ever bothered with them in the first place!

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Before all this happened, was I in the wrong for just leaving them without saying a word? I had tried to ask them what was going on without success. They kept telling me they were busy, sometimes not even responding. It was pretty clear they didn't care about me anymore and I was just a convenience friend. Was it the right thing to just sever all ties with them and disappear like this?

It's really hard to say without knowing the WHOLE situation with these guys, your history, where you all live and go to school (I didn't know they all went to the same school and you went to another one). Maybe you could elaborate even further on these guys: what they are like, how they have treated you in the past, how often they see each other in person, etc.

Either way, I'm still inclined to say that they sound like convenience friends at this point. Was there any point in time in which you actually felt like real friends, and if so, when did that change?

 

[GrannySmith111]

Before all this happened, was I in the wrong for just leaving them without saying a word? I had tried to ask them what was going on without success. They kept telling me they were busy, sometimes not even responding. It was pretty clear they didn't care about me anymore and I was just a convenience friend. Was it the right thing to just sever all ties with them and disappear like this?

It's really hard to say without knowing the WHOLE situation with these guys, your history, where you all live and go to school (I didn't know they all went to the same school and you went to another one). Maybe you could elaborate even further on these guys: what they are like, how they have treated you in the past, how often they see each other in person, etc.

Either way, I'm still inclined to say that they sound like convenience friends at this point. Was there any point in time in which you actually felt like real friends, and if so, when did that change?

I made threads in the past about this, way back when we were still friends but I felt like it was going down hill. It is pretty difficult to explain this whole situation, history, etc. on forums though.

We used to go to the same school like 2 years ago. We were all tight friends back then. Constantly hanging out every week. Plus we saw each other during school so we always kept in touch.

I had to move due to a divorce. After the move, I went to a different school in a different county. Despite this, we would still constantly hangout. I was determined to keep the friendship alive for some reason, and they seemed to be down to hangout all the time. During the summer of 2012, I didn't go more than a few days without talking to them.

I believe it had to have been during the summer of 2013 that things started going downhill. I moved not to the same school as they went to, but I did move closer to them. I expected this summer to be just like the last one. Two of my friends seemed to be constantly "busy" with this summer school and church thing. I don't know the complete details of this. We hung out much less than we did the summer before. Now that two of my 4 friends were occupied most of the time, my other two friends seemed more reluctant to hangout than they were before.

Towards the end of the summer, things started getting fishy to me. Supposedly, the summer school thing that my two friends had was over. Still, they seemed to reluctant to hangout. Perhaps it was because they were just being lazy. We talked less and less. They never asked me to come over to their neighborhood and hangout with them. It was just me trying to keep the friendship alive. Obviously, the friendship can't stay alive if I'm the only one that is holding up my end of it.

Despite not hanging out a lot or as much as we used to, I would always talk to my friends online over video games. That was what we used to connect. Only two of my friends had consoles though, so I didn't really connect with the other two that much.

Once the school year started, we grew further and further apart. Even my mom questioned why I didn't hangout with them as much as I used to. Something obviously changed.

Like I was saying about the video games, it seemed like this was the only thing that was holding our friendship together. Every time they would hop online, they would text me to get on. It was never to ask me to hangout or go to the movies like it used to be. In the group message I was in, I even saw sometimes them making plans without mentioning or asking me. It was like they assumed I couldn't go ahead of time before asking me!

I was obviously offended by this, but I tried my best not to make a big deal out of it. This was when I found these forums, and made a thread on here asking for some advice.

After a while of not hanging out, I decided to just leave them. I had told them several times before and asked them why we never hung out anymore, but they kept pulling out the busy excuse. I felt like I was just being used at this point since the only thing holding our friendship together was online video games. I decided to just stop playing with them online and stop contacting them. I was done trying to keep this friendship alive. I felt like my efforts were just in vain at this point.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Before all this happened, was I in the wrong for just leaving them without saying a word? I had tried to ask them what was going on without success. They kept telling me they were busy, sometimes not even responding. It was pretty clear they didn't care about me anymore and I was just a convenience friend. Was it the right thing to just sever all ties with them and disappear like this?

It's really hard to say without knowing the WHOLE situation with these guys, your history, where you all live and go to school (I didn't know they all went to the same school and you went to another one). Maybe you could elaborate even further on these guys: what they are like, how they have treated you in the past, how often they see each other in person, etc.

Either way, I'm still inclined to say that they sound like convenience friends at this point. Was there any point in time in which you actually felt like real friends, and if so, when did that change?

I made threads in the past about this, way back when we were still friends but I felt like it was going down hill. It is pretty difficult to explain this whole situation, history, etc. on forums though.

We used to go to the same school like 2 years ago. We were all tight friends back then. Constantly hanging out every week. Plus we saw each other during school so we always kept in touch.

I had to move due to a divorce. After the move, I went to a different school in a different county. Despite this, we would still constantly hangout. I was determined to keep the friendship alive for some reason, and they seemed to be down to hangout all the time. During the summer of 2012, I didn't go more than a few days without talking to them.

I believe it had to have been during the summer of 2013 that things started going downhill. I moved not to the same school as they went to, but I did move closer to them. I expected this summer to be just like the last one. Two of my friends seemed to be constantly "busy" with this summer school and church thing. I don't know the complete details of this. We hung out much less than we did the summer before. Now that two of my 4 friends were occupied most of the time, my other two friends seemed more reluctant to hangout than they were before.

Towards the end of the summer, things started getting fishy to me. Supposedly, the summer school thing that my two friends had was over. Still, they seemed to reluctant to hangout. Perhaps it was because they were just being lazy. We talked less and less. They never asked me to come over to their neighborhood and hangout with them. It was just me trying to keep the friendship alive. Obviously, the friendship can't stay alive if I'm the only one that is holding up my end of it.

Despite not hanging out a lot or as much as we used to, I would always talk to my friends online over video games. That was what we used to connect. Only two of my friends had consoles though, so I didn't really connect with the other two that much.

Once the school year started, we grew further and further apart. Even my mom questioned why I didn't hangout with them as much as I used to. Something obviously changed.

Like I was saying about the video games, it seemed like this was the only thing that was holding our friendship together. Every time they would hop online, they would text me to get on. It was never to ask me to hangout or go to the movies like it used to be. In the group message I was in, I even saw sometimes them making plans without mentioning or asking me. It was like they assumed I couldn't go ahead of time before asking me!

I was obviously offended by this, but I tried my best not to make a big deal out of it. This was when I found these forums, and made a thread on here asking for some advice.

After a while of not hanging out, I decided to just leave them. I had told them several times before and asked them why we never hung out anymore, but they kept pulling out the busy excuse. I felt like I was just being used at this point since the only thing holding our friendship together was online video games. I decided to just stop playing with them online and stop contacting them. I was done trying to keep this friendship alive. I felt like my efforts were just in vain at this point.

Sounds like the physical distance did your friendship in. I think there is a lot of truth to the saying "out of sight, out of mind." Anyway, I would only put as much effort into the friendship as they do, and look for new friends.