I am confused about a friend of mine. We were once very close, then lost touch and now live in different places, but are planning to do a trip together. What bothers me about this friend is that they:
*Ask me if we can make a plan to talk on the phone about the trip but then days go past without a plan and I call and email with no response from them.
*They have said they love me and would take a bullet for me and that is all fine and good, but can't they write a 2 minute email and tell me what's up and why they wrote asking to call to talk but then when I wrote back with a day and time, they go AWOL and do not answer their phone or write back.
*It affects my fears about the trip. Like they say they will take off a day from work so we can hang out, then as the date gets nearer, go against their word. It is their idea, this trip was their idea...and they also end up in my state from time to time and say they want to meet...then suddenly their workload or whatever is too much. It makes me think I will travel across the country for an eight hour drive to where we are supposed to go...but then they won't be there. I do not have the cash to do the trip solo, so I would be SOL.
*I do freelance and worked a project free for them in hopes they would return the favor, but I feel the friendship is a bit one-sided. I was supposed to be able to write on another project that I am being blocked on because the group cannot work via long-distance, which is weird because places I know that have a group of writers Skype all the time without a problem. I feel they just do not want a women in their all male group of writers...which would be fine if they told me so.
*I see a lot of good in the friendship, but I get bored with the cloud of "busy-ness" my friend throws at me. Sure, they have kids and a job where they have to travel sometimes, but I cannot see why anybody cannot email a quick email to someone they supposedly love and would take a bullet for. To me, it is contradictory. I even felt weird when they said they loved me, because love to me is expressed by actions, not words and though I did say a little friendly "Love ya" back, it just brought up feelings in the past when we were at college and we hung out but I never got to meet their friends and felt like I was not integrated like a close friend should be. I think this is still affecting me now.
I guess my question is: How do you deal with someone who is all over you with "I love you"s, yet can't write an email answering questions about a trip coming up in two weeks which need to be answered quickly? I can get people have kids and jobs, but I feel no one is that busy and yesterday it seemed I called, it rang and then went to dial tone, like they answered and hung up for no reason other than to avoid me. This trip and calling to talk about it are their plans not mine, so I can confused of why my friend is putting so much out there like trips, future projects and love...if I cannot get simple questions answered and feel comfortable with the friendship? Are they just busy and have bad organizational skills or are they avoiding me even though they said they loved me? Because I do not avoid people I love.
They also throw out they will be close to my city, but then I start to plan a trip and then my friend says he is too busy. Apparently his kids have to beg for his time, which seems very weird to me. Nobody should have to beg for time if that person loves them. They make the time. I would drive or fly to a close city if they are there. They say, "Hey, you can share my hotel room!" Then they totally go against it once the date draws nearer. It drives me a bit crazy, because he is a good friend of mine and has a lot of good qualities and my main part of my trip and meeting them to do a road trip is that I want to spend time with them. They tell me not to worry about the trip, but then I have questions about the trip and days, almost a week goes by, without a reason to trip related questions in a short email...I am not sure how I am supposed to take it. Ideas?
*Ask me if we can make a plan to talk on the phone about the trip but then days go past without a plan and I call and email with no response from them.
*They have said they love me and would take a bullet for me and that is all fine and good, but can't they write a 2 minute email and tell me what's up and why they wrote asking to call to talk but then when I wrote back with a day and time, they go AWOL and do not answer their phone or write back.
*It affects my fears about the trip. Like they say they will take off a day from work so we can hang out, then as the date gets nearer, go against their word. It is their idea, this trip was their idea...and they also end up in my state from time to time and say they want to meet...then suddenly their workload or whatever is too much. It makes me think I will travel across the country for an eight hour drive to where we are supposed to go...but then they won't be there. I do not have the cash to do the trip solo, so I would be SOL.
*I do freelance and worked a project free for them in hopes they would return the favor, but I feel the friendship is a bit one-sided. I was supposed to be able to write on another project that I am being blocked on because the group cannot work via long-distance, which is weird because places I know that have a group of writers Skype all the time without a problem. I feel they just do not want a women in their all male group of writers...which would be fine if they told me so.
*I see a lot of good in the friendship, but I get bored with the cloud of "busy-ness" my friend throws at me. Sure, they have kids and a job where they have to travel sometimes, but I cannot see why anybody cannot email a quick email to someone they supposedly love and would take a bullet for. To me, it is contradictory. I even felt weird when they said they loved me, because love to me is expressed by actions, not words and though I did say a little friendly "Love ya" back, it just brought up feelings in the past when we were at college and we hung out but I never got to meet their friends and felt like I was not integrated like a close friend should be. I think this is still affecting me now.
I guess my question is: How do you deal with someone who is all over you with "I love you"s, yet can't write an email answering questions about a trip coming up in two weeks which need to be answered quickly? I can get people have kids and jobs, but I feel no one is that busy and yesterday it seemed I called, it rang and then went to dial tone, like they answered and hung up for no reason other than to avoid me. This trip and calling to talk about it are their plans not mine, so I can confused of why my friend is putting so much out there like trips, future projects and love...if I cannot get simple questions answered and feel comfortable with the friendship? Are they just busy and have bad organizational skills or are they avoiding me even though they said they loved me? Because I do not avoid people I love.
They also throw out they will be close to my city, but then I start to plan a trip and then my friend says he is too busy. Apparently his kids have to beg for his time, which seems very weird to me. Nobody should have to beg for time if that person loves them. They make the time. I would drive or fly to a close city if they are there. They say, "Hey, you can share my hotel room!" Then they totally go against it once the date draws nearer. It drives me a bit crazy, because he is a good friend of mine and has a lot of good qualities and my main part of my trip and meeting them to do a road trip is that I want to spend time with them. They tell me not to worry about the trip, but then I have questions about the trip and days, almost a week goes by, without a reason to trip related questions in a short email...I am not sure how I am supposed to take it. Ideas?