Friends to GF/BF

[Colette]

the only thing i see with Colette's method that might be difficult is having sex with a friend..

Why is that? I'm friends with everyone I've ever been intimate with regardless of how "involved" the intimacy was. Is it that you can only enjoy someone sexually and not like them as a person? Or it should be super-dramatic when you have sex and must cut-off all ties afterwards if you choose to no longer see each other.

I just don't get it and I'm not alone on this one. I happen to know a lot of people who feel the same way. But then again I guess we choose to surround ourselves with like-minded people.

 

[jales]

okay i'd just like to say..i used to think like frey as far as the faith thing..
however my last relationship (which didnt work out) taught me that you have to have faith in people.. not a ridiculous amount of faith but some faith all the same!

Honestly her system CAN work.. but it's something to be careful about..
if what you want is a happy relationship.. n you are not looking forward to lots of sacrifice (bcus that's half the reason the older generation never divorced.. the other half being that culture was less diverse.. people thought alike) then Be Extra Careful about who you pick.... look for someone who thinks like you..

I know a guy... he's single too (well dah! lol..single till marriage). He is 25 n spends time online .. if you wanted to talk to him Colette.. not that you would need me to set you up but if you want the email.. let me know!

 

[frey12]

I agree with Colette on this one, sex is no where near as emotionally involved that you need to be dramatic about it. But not having to worry about std's with someone, and not having to worry as much if they will abandon you if you get pregnant, is a minor security that is given when you have sex with someone whose more then a friend. Does true emotional intimacy have to be between more then one person no but I think it is hard to be emotionally intimate with a group. But easy to sleep with every single one of the people in that group expecially if your bisexual. Because then all doors are open and you already enjoy their company i mean they are your friends.

 

[jales]

the only thing i see with Colette's method that might be difficult is having sex with a friend..

Why is that? I'm friends with everyone I've ever been intimate with regardless of how "involved" the intimacy was. Is it that you can only enjoy someone sexually and not like them as a person? Or it should be super-dramatic when you have sex and must cut-off all ties afterwards if you choose to no longer see each other.

I just don't get it and I'm not alone on this one. I happen to know a lot of people who feel the same way. But then again I guess we choose to surround ourselves with like-minded people.

lol okay I don't have any enemies as far as I know... and since bf/ gf implies that the person is a FRIEND.. of course you are going to be friends with your lover.. before and after sexual stuff happens..

Maybe due to culture though.. having sex with someone who is just a friend to me is..not wrong... but odd!

I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't think before having sex with a friend 'is this someone who I'd like to father my kids?' 'is this someone who I can have a relationship with?' 'Is this someone I trust to be faithful/loyal/honest/good/there?'... Yes qualities a friend will have.. but more that that qualities someone who is MORE than a friend will have.

Personally I get attached but even if you don't... I can't picture not wanting to spend your life with someone your have sex with.. the chance that you get pregnant is always there... I'm not saying to live your life without taking chances and having fun.. I'm just say ideally you should have some intentions ...

i think... but not everyone.. just people like me dah!

I use the term should in a very vague way lol.

 

[jales]

lol.. you'll people have a different culture jah-kno-star

I agree with Colette on this one, sex is no where near as emotionally involved that you need to be dramatic about it. But not having to worry about std's with someone, and not having to worry as much if they will abandon you if you get pregnant, is a minor security that is given when you have sex with someone whose more then a friend. Does true emotional intimacy have to be between more then one person no but I think it is hard to be emotionally intimate with a group. But easy to sleep with every single one of the people in that group expecially if your bisexual. Because then all doors are open and you already enjoy their company i mean they are your friends.

 

[Brodie]

I've always felt that I could marry more than one person. I guess I support polygamy. I've always had this fantasy of living in a house or commune with like 7 other people, and everyone being close friends that share themselves fully with each other. A couple of people I've been talking to for the past few days have been opening my mind to certain things I've never thought about before involving relationships. I agree with Collete, to an extent. I meet a person, and develop a "relationship" with them. Labels are ridiculous. Labels try to force things into set boundaries, areas of black and white with no gray room to move around in. Over time, if I like the person, I develop a close friendship with them, usually to the point where we are committed to each other on a level that is very deep. I've always seemed to have possessed the ability to form very deep friendships very quickly with people. I've been told that it is because I am very open, I have no taboos, and because I'm not judgmental (to a degree). Once again, I'll use my brother Robert and my best friend David as examples. Both of them have a relationship with me that is so set in stone, and so explored, that if we were ever separated for any length of time, I am 100% positive that we would pick up just the same immediately after making contact again. It's a truly beautiful thing.

As for marriage, I think sharing your life with someone transcends gender specific boundaries. I feel that I could completely and realistically "marry" someone of the same sex in a completely heterosexual manner. I could live with them, spend time with them, there would just be no sex involved. Sex is a completely physical thing... to an extent. Sex and physical contact are two completely different things. Sex can be emotional and have meaning, if both people mean it to. I've always wondered if society would be able to handle foreign concepts such as two grown men cuddling on a couch, yet being completely heterosexual. I don't know, I know I'm not gay, but things such as this have never bothered me. I know that my family used to be worse off than we are now financially, and sometimes during the winter the heater would freeze up, and my brother and I would snuggle up under the covers for warmth. But it wasn't just for warmth, we are basically heterosexual life mates, and it was for human contact and comfort as well.

I remember one time, I was extremely depressed, and my life was spiraling out of control; I had dropped out of school and my anxiety disorder was getting the better of me, and I wouldn't get out of bed. I was feeling extremely distraught and alone, and felt like my life had no future. My brother Robert came in my room one night and laid next to me and just held me till I finally was able to get to sleep. I'll always love him for that...

I know I've been going on and on about my brother, but I happen to have more readily available examples of him than my friend David. But I feel the same way about David.

 

[frey12]

Well I like where this is going something new popped out that I didn't think of because I have no experience in. However as a person who has never gotten to close to someone in my actual life let alone a group it be new. Granted I doubt that would be the way for me but it sounds like your just describing a family with/out the blood relation. Granted family is a label and you said it forces things into set boundaries. But thats just how it sounds to me because I don't think family needs to be in relation to blood.

Writes the person who isn't close to any of his family.

 

[mimizu]

and since bf/ gf implies that the person is a FRIEND.. of course you are going to be friends with your lover.. before and after sexual stuff happens..

Maybe due to culture though.. having sex with someone who is just a friend to me is..not wrong... but odd!

I am profoundly confused.

 

[jales]

and since bf/ gf implies that the person is a FRIEND.. of course you are going to be friends with your lover.. before and after sexual stuff happens..

Maybe due to culture though.. having sex with someone who is just a friend to me is..not wrong... but odd!

I am profoundly confused.

lol gf/bf shud= friend plus commitment

friend=person who is nice to u, who u love n stuff, but who isn't really a part of you..they can leave the country n not tell u or not talk to u for weeks then call n everything is great..

like i say it's just how i turned out.. but if i had sex with a guy n he didnt call me 4 a month.. then he called n said let's go out n we did... i would be discontent..
if however i have a friend n they dont call me in a month then ask me 2 the movies..that's great lol.

a gf/bf is a friend.. but not just a friend (to me)... n no you dont need to label it

so you can say.. someone u f**K is a friend ...but not just a friend.. in addition they are someone you get angry with 4 stuff you dont even notice about your friends...

if you are someone who doesn't get angry or think like this.. TEACH ME UR WAYS plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[Colette]

and since bf/ gf implies that the person is a FRIEND.. of course you are going to be friends with your lover.. before and after sexual stuff happens..

Maybe due to culture though.. having sex with someone who is just a friend to me is..not wrong... but odd!

I am profoundly confused.

lol gf/bf shud= friend plus commitment

friend=person who is nice to u, who u love n stuff, but who isn't really a part of you..they can leave the country n not tell u or not talk to u for weeks then call n everything is great..

like i say it's just how i turned out.. but if i had sex with a guy n he didnt call me 4 a month.. then he called n said let's go out n we did... i would be discontent..
if however i have a friend n they dont call me in a month then ask me 2 the movies..that's great lol.

a gf/bf is a friend.. but not just a friend (to me)... n no you dont need to label it

so you can say.. someone u f**K is a friend ...but not just a friend.. in addition they are someone you get angry with 4 stuff you dont even notice about your friends...

if you are someone who doesn't get angry or think like this.. TEACH ME UR WAYS plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

In a nutshell there a four statuses on an application: single, married, widowed, and divorced. And I believe that makes sense: if you're not married then you're single. Unless you're the type of person who loves the drama of playing back all the old bf's or gf's you've had and the animosity towards them. If you try and keep things in perspective and see it for what it really is then you'll understand when I say they are all "friends" until you get married.

 

[Cosmic Kid]

If you try and keep things in perspective and see it for what it really is then you'll understand when I say they are all friends until you get married.

I couldn't agree more. The first casualty of marrage is usually friendship.

(Sorry, couldn't resist, I'm just kidding...I understand your meaning completely Colette,...I'm just feelin' alittle frisky today)

Having said that, seriously...I think this is a great thread. It makes me have to really question my beliefs..and why I do... what I do.. You are all pretty cool, and are good at enabling me to do that.

We're all learning as we go.... are my real thoughts.

And w/ that......I hope everyone's Holiday, however, and whatever it is they choose to celebrate, is everything they hoped for....

 

[Colette]

If you try and keep things in perspective and see it for what it really is then you'll understand when I say they are all friends until you get married.

I couldn't agree more. The first casualty of marrage is usually friendship.

(Sorry, couldn't resist, I'm just kidding...I understand your meaning completely Colette,...I'm just feelin' alittle frisky today)

It's official. CosmicKid has joined the group of men who like to sass me.