Zeek
Well-known member
Ever feel afraid to share yourself with a friend? Especially if its your only friend???? How do you keep from scaring people off if you've been through hardships??? It's like a catch-22. :/
Friendship Dilemma
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Callie
Guest
I figure I'm judgmental enough of myself for everyone, so if they don't like what I've been through, the choices I've made, or the decisions I make in the future.... they don't need to be in my life at all. However, I do choose to withhold certain aspects of my life from people. It by no means harms my friendships with others, I just have a lot of trust issues.
Zeek
Well-known member
Sounds like there's one thing you have which helps that I don't.....
...confidence.
...confidence.
C
Callie
Guest
Oh I hardly have confidence. I just know my limits and what I will and won't settle for. I don't need people that judge me in my life, cuz I do it so well on my own.
Yes. I have great difficulty in sharing information about myself - even here online where it's relatively safe thanks to the anonymity of the internet. I tend to let people see/know more of the real me slowly over the course of time. A bit like acclimating them to my weirdness. Plus it lets me see their reactions to various things and see at what point they start getting weirded out and stop there. Of course since I don't exactly have a lot of friends (and only share any of the deeply personal stuff with one) maybe my advice isn't the best one to take. Sorry.
Good luck *hugs*
Good luck *hugs*
shysilhouette
Well-known member
The widely accepted rule is that sadness spreads.
If you open up about all the single unhappy times and scenarios of your past to your friend, they will become tired of hearing the stories.
You can not be happy all of the time, and sometimes sadness is necessary for balance, but just question if you truly need to say what you believe you need to say.
If you open up about all the single unhappy times and scenarios of your past to your friend, they will become tired of hearing the stories.
You can not be happy all of the time, and sometimes sadness is necessary for balance, but just question if you truly need to say what you believe you need to say.
Zeek
Well-known member
Hey - I wanted to followup with everyone on this topic and relate my personal experience...
In my opinion, if you temper your life's horrors with them, this will bring you closer. Of course, it depends on how high of a quality person your friend is. For example, I made a mistake by not partaking in my friend's joy (in a conversation a few days ago) and started whining about my loneliness and inner feelings. This interrupted the happiness we felt that day in talking with each other. I realized later how big of a mistake that was and apologized to her. I told her that I needed to grow up. I admitted my faults to her. This is where she being a "high quality" person could see my situation and was compassionate towards me. And today we are closer than ever before.
Without sharing, there can be no relationship....no intimacy...no healing...no love...
In my opinion, if you temper your life's horrors with them, this will bring you closer. Of course, it depends on how high of a quality person your friend is. For example, I made a mistake by not partaking in my friend's joy (in a conversation a few days ago) and started whining about my loneliness and inner feelings. This interrupted the happiness we felt that day in talking with each other. I realized later how big of a mistake that was and apologized to her. I told her that I needed to grow up. I admitted my faults to her. This is where she being a "high quality" person could see my situation and was compassionate towards me. And today we are closer than ever before.
Without sharing, there can be no relationship....no intimacy...no healing...no love...
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