Frustrated

[wolvesjr]

Normally I don't share much about me publicly around here, but today I'm really frustrated and need to vent.

Right now I'm feeling another one of my depression cycles coming on. I hate it because there's nothing I can do about it. After working with a therapist and my doctor I can recognize the symptoms what's about to happen when it starts. It starts with an increased anxiety and a growing feeling of total isolation. Even in a room full of people I'll start to feel desperately alone. These feelings will build and build until I'm pretty well paralyzed with fear. I'll sit or lay there for several hours so terrorized that I'm unable to move until the feeling starts to slowly lift. These cycles last about 3 days and it's so beyond frustrating because I know by this time tomorrow I'll be a wreck and nothing can be done to stop it.

My therapist has helped me better prepare myself for when I bottom out by meeting and accepting the crash will happen. As well as coming up with some mental exercises to speed up my recovery when the episode is ending. The worst part is I know that in another 2-3 weeks the cycle will start all over again. My doctor and therapist are still trying to figure out a cause and treatment options as nothing is working to break the pattern. I hate not having any answers as to why this is happening to me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

(hugs)

that sounds so tough to go through.

You're in my thoughts.

I hope your doctor and therapist can help you with finding a cause and treatment.

 

[Despicable Me]

I know how you feel. I don't have a 'paralyzing fear', but I sometimes feel so depressed that almost all I can think about all the time is dying and death, until it goes away again.
I feel it coming on, like you, too. I hate that... I can't do anything to stop it. I just accept it, I guess.

I don't have a therapist or anything. I probably could not even afford one. I do have a wife and kids and they make me feel a little better sometimes. The moments I spend with my kids makes it go away, at least momentarily, but I often find myself pulling away from them when I feel like that and just trying to, basically, as you said, curl up and just sit or lay down. All I want to do when I feel like that is either sleep or play games (anything that allows me to 'escape' reality).
I don't even really realize I'm doing it, and my wife gets mad at me when I do pull away. I don't think she really understands what it means to have depression. I don't think she really recognizes when I have it, either. I don't know...

Recently, in almost exactly the last year, mine has been a lot worse lately, hitting me harder and more often. Certain events are triggers for depression, I guess. Lately I've been wondering if it will always be like this from now on or if it will go back to being mild again someday. I don't know. I've also been wondering if medications really help or not. Except I tend to get a lot of side effects from even over-the-counter stuff, so I probably couldn't tolerate them even if I were prescribed some.

It sucks, yeah... Sorry some of you people have it, too. A lot of people have it worse than me and that makes me feel really bad... Wish I could help since I know how it feels.

 

[wolvesjr]

I know how you feel. I don't have a 'paralyzing fear', but I sometimes feel so depressed that almost all I can think about all the time is dying and death, until it goes away again.
I feel it coming on, like you, too. I hate that... I can't do anything to stop it. I just accept it, I guess.

I don't have a therapist or anything. I probably could not even afford one. I do have a wife and kids and they make me feel a little better sometimes. The moments I spend with my kids makes it go away, at least momentarily, but I often find myself pulling away from them when I feel like that and just trying to, basically, as you said, curl up and just sit or lay down. All I want to do when I feel like that is either sleep or play games (anything that allows me to 'escape' reality).
I don't even really realize I'm doing it, and my wife gets mad at me when I do pull away. I don't think she really understands what it means to have depression. I don't think she really recognizes when I have it, either. I don't know...

Recently, in almost exactly the last year, mine has been a lot worse lately, hitting me harder and more often. Certain events are triggers for depression, I guess. Lately I've been wondering if it will always be like this from now on or if it will go back to being mild again someday. I don't know. I've also been wondering if medications really help or not. Except I tend to get a lot of side effects from even over-the-counter stuff, so I probably couldn't tolerate them even if I were prescribed some.

It sucks, yeah... Sorry some of you people have it, too. A lot of people have it worse than me and that makes me feel really bad... Wish I could help since I know how it feels.

I'm sorry you're going through something similar. I hate having to accept that the crash is going to come and not being able to do anything about it.

I'm like you when it comes to side effects. If there is one that will induce depression I can't take the medication as it WILL induce depression. Always. And my doctor doesn't want to experiment with finding one as some of the meds can make the depression worse depending on the cause.

I also agree that a lot of people have it worse than I do and there isn't much of anything I can do to help. All we can do is be supportive in these messages.

 

[wolvesjr]

Well, I've had better weekends, but I've finally climbed most of the way back out of the hole I was in and am getting back to being myself again. That was one of the worst episodes yet. Thanks you for all the kind words in support.

Now I start the clock until the next one...

 

[Lonesome2]

Normally I don't share much about me publicly around here, but today I'm really frustrated and need to vent.

Right now I'm feeling another one of my depression cycles coming on. I hate it because there's nothing I can do about it. After working with a therapist and my doctor I can recognize the symptoms what's about to happen when it starts. It starts with an increased anxiety and a growing feeling of total isolation. Even in a room full of people I'll start to feel desperately alone. These feelings will build and build until I'm pretty well paralyzed with fear. I'll sit or lay there for several hours so terrorized that I'm unable to move until the feeling starts to slowly lift. These cycles last about 3 days and it's so beyond frustrating because I know by this time tomorrow I'll be a wreck and nothing can be done to stop it.

My therapist has helped me better prepare myself for when I bottom out by meeting and accepting the crash will happen. As well as coming up with some mental exercises to speed up my recovery when the episode is ending. The worst part is I know that in another 2-3 weeks the cycle will start all over again. My doctor and therapist are still trying to figure out a cause and treatment options as nothing is working to break the pattern. I hate not having any answers as to why this is happening to me.

Hi JR,

I hope you're well as can be.

I can't imagine what this is like for you. I'm giving you a hug. And if it should help as you start to sense these preliminary feelings of depression coming on, before it blows up think of all the things we've shared and laughed about, and in turn I hope that will eliveate some of your pain, even just for a minute.

A friend CandyRain

 

[greenapple271]

I felt like this recently. It was unbearable but I forced myself to do 20 things to feel better. Just simple things like doing a quiz, brushing my hair etc. I found my mood started to lift before I got to number 20. There are videos on youtube called asmr videos. I find these to be relaxing.