Fundamental Issue: Self-Worth

[neo651]

I was talking to my friend yesterday about various issues I have and she pointed out that the only thing standing in the way of fixing most of them is myself. She told me I need to just put in the effort and fix my problems. That's when I realized that I don't believe I'm worth the effort. I told her this and she told me that I worth the effort. I reminded her that she's told me this thousands of times. She said that I just have to trust her for once. I thought about that for a while. I trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. She knows all my secrets and I'd trust her with my very life. So why couldn't I trust her when she tells me that I'm worth fixing? I realized it's because the whole idea that I'm worth something is nonsensical to me. I can't trust her when she tells me I have worth anymore than I could trust her if she spoke gibberish. It doesn't apply.

For this concept of me having worth, how do I make that make sense to me?

 

[Dragonfriend]

Everything on this earth has worth.

When your friend tells you that you are worth the work she means to say that she can see a person in you that is worthy of interest. This friend knows the true you and she knows that if you tried to work on yourself that you can become the type of person you'd like to be.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well....everyone is human. everyone have flaws
or isues. Everyone have fears and insecurities.
In other words no one is better than you.

Just a seed that grows into a plant and bare
fruits or flowers..You also have that inner
knowingness...

In other words....you are complete, oerfect
and whole already.

You are no less than any stars or moons.
You have the rights to be here.to live
your life as you wish. To express your
love. happiness., joy., and all the abundance
that you are already..

In other words...remember who truely are.

zissues

---

issues are just problems our mind creat.
Our brain are design to solve problems so it can resolve.

In other words...theres nothing with you.
Only that you think that you have issues
or theres somthing wrong wirh you...

You are not what you do or your current life
situations..

You are magnificent., complete, beautiful
and whole already...as you are.

 

[beautifulsorrow]

I would say soemthing very much like Lonesome Crow. Its there you just have to slowly tear the shell/cover you've been building and protecting for so long. Your friend believes in you. I've seen good in people around me generally considered heartless. I guess you posting here proves that you believe you are worth everything, maybe its just that you keep imposing the label of worthless on yourself, think thats the problem? Probably is. Maybe you want to tell yourself you're worth it but you can't becaue you've been telling yourself otherwise for so long, so you posted here so we can tell you and here we are telling you, that you are worth everything. I think something Alan watts (google him) said fits here very well here. "The only real crime is that you won't admit that you are god"

 

[AL_23]

For this concept of me having worth, how do I make that make sense to me?

When I used to entertain suicidal thoughts for hours on end they would always come up against the fact that if I were to end my own life it would effect the people that cared about me. My mum who gave me life, my younger brother, my gran and aunts... I am worth something to all these people. When it comes to being self-worthy, well I can't say much on that yet but theres nothing wrong with living for others, in finding your worth in others. How many times I've heard parents speak of their children as being their life... all they live for. Maybe theres something in that on a spiritual level.

 

[ajdass1]

I've felt like you before. I didn't believe anyone when they told me I was a good person, I didn't understand why people liked me or why my family even liked me.

I guess you have to take people at their word sometimes.

How I dealt with it is I went on a relentless self-improvement binge. I went to the gym... I really focused on my guitar playing... I put in a lot of effort to become a better conversationalist... I did exercises to improve my posture and body language... I changed the way I dress so that I felt better about myself when I looked in the mirror...

All of this took place over the course of about 3 years. Finally I managed to *prove to myself* that I am worth something, and it came from a sense that, yes, I am capable of improving, of learning, of bettering myself. I went from objectively having zero value as a guitar player to objectively having capability as a guitar player. I'm not some virtuoso... but I'm objectively worthwhile. Now it's a logical fallacy to say that I'm worthless. My brain, having invested all that time and effort into the learning, is incapable of objectively classifying me as worthless. It took a loooooong time, though. And it's not stopped me from having my bouts with depression over the years. But it *has* helped a *lot*.

The only problem is that you do need the discipline to do it that way. But even now I'll use my feelings of worthlessness to power up my discipline. I'll get angry! I'll be all... I'll show you! I'll show you that you're worth something! And then I'll pick up my guitar and learn a new riff. And I'll be all like... "Hah! I showed you!" And then I'll feel better about myself Do you think that's something that could work for you?

 

[Copernicus]

The notion of "worth" doesn't exist by itself, only in connection with someone, who can estimate things. Who is thinking that you are worthless? At least it's not your friend and, I suppose, not your family, so I see the only one possible issue: you are rated as "worthless" by yourself.

If I'm right and if the feeling of worthlessness is holding you from putting in efforts to improve your life, there are two contradictory ways you can choose from:you will keep your low self-esteem and continue to suffer from the unsolved problems or you will try to ignore this mental concept and do what have to be done.

Also, "she's told me this thousands of times" - you have a great friend, after all.