Ok, so now that I made my first post in the introduction room, I can finally ask what's been on my mind for the past week.
Is it wrong to approach a possible friend with expectations?
It seems like most people have a bunch of acquaintances, casual friends and a few close friends, and those in the first category move on to the second and maybe to the third, like in a continuous stream. Perhaps 1 close friend is lost, but there are other close friends and a whole network of acquaintances and casual friends.
The problem with me, an avoidant, is that I have none from the 2 latter categories. And every time someone reaches out to me I tend to consider him/her as a potential close friend, but with time that hope gets horribly crushed, and the potential friend ends up in the big pile of acquaintances. In other words, for me the flow is in the other direction, from top to bottom.
These past few days have been horribly depressant, because of a lot of problems (including my father's death almost 2 months ago), but especially because someone came into my life, offered her friendship like no one had done before, and am now finally realizing that she also belongs in the big pile. Symptoms of a failed friendship include a sudden lack of support and zero communication unless I initiate it. I feel she played (unintentionally) with my emotions, but am wondering if it wasn't me who just got it wrong by having great expectations and set my self up for disappointment. (It is possible she just wants to be a casual friend, but the whole concept seems very unappealing to me. I don't know what to do with a casual friend, but chitchat about inane things once in a while. That certainly doesn't help me at this point in my life.)
What do you think? Is it wrong to expect things from people, even when you perceive certain positive signals in the beginning? Do normal people get friends and romantic relationships by playing it super cool, never expecting anything from others?
Is it wrong to approach a possible friend with expectations?
It seems like most people have a bunch of acquaintances, casual friends and a few close friends, and those in the first category move on to the second and maybe to the third, like in a continuous stream. Perhaps 1 close friend is lost, but there are other close friends and a whole network of acquaintances and casual friends.
The problem with me, an avoidant, is that I have none from the 2 latter categories. And every time someone reaches out to me I tend to consider him/her as a potential close friend, but with time that hope gets horribly crushed, and the potential friend ends up in the big pile of acquaintances. In other words, for me the flow is in the other direction, from top to bottom.
These past few days have been horribly depressant, because of a lot of problems (including my father's death almost 2 months ago), but especially because someone came into my life, offered her friendship like no one had done before, and am now finally realizing that she also belongs in the big pile. Symptoms of a failed friendship include a sudden lack of support and zero communication unless I initiate it. I feel she played (unintentionally) with my emotions, but am wondering if it wasn't me who just got it wrong by having great expectations and set my self up for disappointment. (It is possible she just wants to be a casual friend, but the whole concept seems very unappealing to me. I don't know what to do with a casual friend, but chitchat about inane things once in a while. That certainly doesn't help me at this point in my life.)
What do you think? Is it wrong to expect things from people, even when you perceive certain positive signals in the beginning? Do normal people get friends and romantic relationships by playing it super cool, never expecting anything from others?
