Greetings! Sobriety kept me from introducing myself sooner but now I am nicely tanked-up and my inhibitions have the better of me!
My name is Larry. I live on the border of Nottingham and Derby in the English Midlands. I recently turned 31 and I am currently unemployed. I live with my parents and for all but four years of my life I have been single and very lonely. By the time I reached thirty I was supposed to be living in a love nest with my better half but it didn't work out that way. Hence, I'm still stuck at home. I cannot afford to move out and, in spite of how trying it can be to live with my folks, I wouldn't much want to live alone. Much of the time I feel I've had as much of my own company as I can stand. I have always felt (and been made to feel) older than my years. It sometimes feels like I was stillborn at 25! I have a small number of exceptionally good friends but they're all married, soon to be married or at any rate attached and have their future course in life pretty much mapped out. Hence, I don't feel I have very much common ground with them.
I mainly spend my days collecting books and DVDs. I have accumulated thousands of each and am rapidly running out of space to accommodate them. Don't get me wrong, I love reading and watching films but if I live to be a hundred (a dreadful prospect) I'll never have time to read and watch everything I have accumulated so far. It keeps me occupied but that cluttered and dusty room is really nothing more than a testament to my loneliness. I would much rather the money and the time involved in accruing it all had been spent in some other manner. In short, I'd get rid of the lot in an instant in exchange for a more satisfying and fulfilling existence.
Ordinarily I never talk openly to anyone about my loneliness or the depression I frequently experience. It's too difficult and I can see no point in attempting to discuss it. In the first place, nobody I know would understand remotely what I was talking about and secondly, every lonely person's experience is unique to them. I wouldn't expect anybody to identify with my own personal situation. Outwardly I am a fairly gregarious and very good humoured person. In fact, I would go as far as to say I have somewhat of a gift for making people laugh. I have long held writing ambitions but given that I never allow myself the opportunity to properly pursue them, there seems little point in elaborating here. Suffice it to say, I know I ought to make the effort.
I don't know what to expect from this site. I may become an active user; I may not. In my experience most forums tend to be dominated by about half a dozen people with several hundred other users inactive. However, that doesn't appear to be the case here.
Earlier today I went out to the post office and after leaving I stood on the pavement, only for thirty seconds or so, literally not knowing what to do next. I was reminded of a passage from a Kurt Vonnegut novel, Mother Night, which I read a few years back. I think it was finding myself in that situation and being reminded of these words (quoted below) that convinced me I should at least post on this forum:
I took perhaps fifty steps down the sidewalk, and then I stopped. I froze...What froze me was the fact that I had absolutely no reason to move in any direction. What had made me move through so many dead and pointless years was curiosity. Now even that flickered out.
Of course, some days I am very curious. I feel as though I could read absolutely anything and find it beneficial to do so. I love to learn and the option to do so is always there. But I also want the option to share my thoughts, my experiences, my knowledge and my humour with at least one other person. Some days I feel I ought to reconcile myself wholly to life as it stands. More frequently I resent my situation and feel compelled to renege against it. I expect that is a common dilemma among people registered on here. I'm not looking for theories or words of encouragement. If anything I am here to escape any reminder of my situation. I'm not one to wallow in self pity. There is nothing to be gained by that. Self-styled experts are forever telling people such as myself to “get out there” (whatever that means) and in a small way I'd like to think that's what I'm doing.
Thanks for reading.
My name is Larry. I live on the border of Nottingham and Derby in the English Midlands. I recently turned 31 and I am currently unemployed. I live with my parents and for all but four years of my life I have been single and very lonely. By the time I reached thirty I was supposed to be living in a love nest with my better half but it didn't work out that way. Hence, I'm still stuck at home. I cannot afford to move out and, in spite of how trying it can be to live with my folks, I wouldn't much want to live alone. Much of the time I feel I've had as much of my own company as I can stand. I have always felt (and been made to feel) older than my years. It sometimes feels like I was stillborn at 25! I have a small number of exceptionally good friends but they're all married, soon to be married or at any rate attached and have their future course in life pretty much mapped out. Hence, I don't feel I have very much common ground with them.
I mainly spend my days collecting books and DVDs. I have accumulated thousands of each and am rapidly running out of space to accommodate them. Don't get me wrong, I love reading and watching films but if I live to be a hundred (a dreadful prospect) I'll never have time to read and watch everything I have accumulated so far. It keeps me occupied but that cluttered and dusty room is really nothing more than a testament to my loneliness. I would much rather the money and the time involved in accruing it all had been spent in some other manner. In short, I'd get rid of the lot in an instant in exchange for a more satisfying and fulfilling existence.
Ordinarily I never talk openly to anyone about my loneliness or the depression I frequently experience. It's too difficult and I can see no point in attempting to discuss it. In the first place, nobody I know would understand remotely what I was talking about and secondly, every lonely person's experience is unique to them. I wouldn't expect anybody to identify with my own personal situation. Outwardly I am a fairly gregarious and very good humoured person. In fact, I would go as far as to say I have somewhat of a gift for making people laugh. I have long held writing ambitions but given that I never allow myself the opportunity to properly pursue them, there seems little point in elaborating here. Suffice it to say, I know I ought to make the effort.
I don't know what to expect from this site. I may become an active user; I may not. In my experience most forums tend to be dominated by about half a dozen people with several hundred other users inactive. However, that doesn't appear to be the case here.
Earlier today I went out to the post office and after leaving I stood on the pavement, only for thirty seconds or so, literally not knowing what to do next. I was reminded of a passage from a Kurt Vonnegut novel, Mother Night, which I read a few years back. I think it was finding myself in that situation and being reminded of these words (quoted below) that convinced me I should at least post on this forum:
I took perhaps fifty steps down the sidewalk, and then I stopped. I froze...What froze me was the fact that I had absolutely no reason to move in any direction. What had made me move through so many dead and pointless years was curiosity. Now even that flickered out.
Of course, some days I am very curious. I feel as though I could read absolutely anything and find it beneficial to do so. I love to learn and the option to do so is always there. But I also want the option to share my thoughts, my experiences, my knowledge and my humour with at least one other person. Some days I feel I ought to reconcile myself wholly to life as it stands. More frequently I resent my situation and feel compelled to renege against it. I expect that is a common dilemma among people registered on here. I'm not looking for theories or words of encouragement. If anything I am here to escape any reminder of my situation. I'm not one to wallow in self pity. There is nothing to be gained by that. Self-styled experts are forever telling people such as myself to “get out there” (whatever that means) and in a small way I'd like to think that's what I'm doing.
Thanks for reading.
