I don't know if I am actually "lonely," although I spend my days alone. I suppose I don't feel "lonely" because this is a manner of living for me, it's just a general descriptor of my days.
I didn't grow up this way, per se. I had a wonderful family, I had some friends... but slowly along the way, I spent more and more time alone.
There isn't one encompassing reason to explain this; there were each some push and pull factors; including, honestly, that I do enjoy many solitary activities. Regardless of the causation, today I spend my days alone.
I have a lot of happiness in my life, I enjoy a successful career, I enjoy hobbies, I even enjoy [what I call] "acquaintances"... these are people whom I enjoy conversation and "warmth" with for short periods of time (including coworkers, interactions with cashiers, etc). I may even text/call some of these people for friendly conversation. However, these relationships are all very surface-level relationships; we don't know anything about each other beyond the friendly interactions, we don't spend any time together outside of obligatory shared environments.
I feel awkward and out of place in social situations, largely because I spend a lot of time hyper-analyzing situations and conversations. It's strange, because I am able to interact and connect with people just fine (and even with some skill) when I am in a work situation or some other situation that is brought about through obligation or defined parameters (work, school, hairdressers, cashiers, etc); it is only when the situation becomes purely "optional" and "social" that I become awkward and out of place. It is confusing for people who meet me first in those "defined" environments, because they meet me and find me to be friendly, warm, inviting, and not-awkward...... and then later they may even invite me out for socializing, which I happily accept... but then when I arrive, I suddenly change? I am no longer the friendly and engaging person they knew, instead I am awkward and fumbling and quiet.
I don't feel lonely, for the most part... but I know I am. There is some unfulfilled portion of my heart, that could only be filled with meaningful friendships.
I didn't grow up this way, per se. I had a wonderful family, I had some friends... but slowly along the way, I spent more and more time alone.
There isn't one encompassing reason to explain this; there were each some push and pull factors; including, honestly, that I do enjoy many solitary activities. Regardless of the causation, today I spend my days alone.
I have a lot of happiness in my life, I enjoy a successful career, I enjoy hobbies, I even enjoy [what I call] "acquaintances"... these are people whom I enjoy conversation and "warmth" with for short periods of time (including coworkers, interactions with cashiers, etc). I may even text/call some of these people for friendly conversation. However, these relationships are all very surface-level relationships; we don't know anything about each other beyond the friendly interactions, we don't spend any time together outside of obligatory shared environments.
I feel awkward and out of place in social situations, largely because I spend a lot of time hyper-analyzing situations and conversations. It's strange, because I am able to interact and connect with people just fine (and even with some skill) when I am in a work situation or some other situation that is brought about through obligation or defined parameters (work, school, hairdressers, cashiers, etc); it is only when the situation becomes purely "optional" and "social" that I become awkward and out of place. It is confusing for people who meet me first in those "defined" environments, because they meet me and find me to be friendly, warm, inviting, and not-awkward...... and then later they may even invite me out for socializing, which I happily accept... but then when I arrive, I suddenly change? I am no longer the friendly and engaging person they knew, instead I am awkward and fumbling and quiet.
I don't feel lonely, for the most part... but I know I am. There is some unfulfilled portion of my heart, that could only be filled with meaningful friendships.