Have I lost her completely?

[BlueArtist]

OK reason I'm signed up recently, is because I'm depressed and lonely. 36 and always been single.

The recent bout of depression is because something that played off 3 weeks ago.

I met a woman 2 years ago, at that stage it was impossible to begin a serious relationship and I wouldn't done so either since I wouldn't wanted to take advantage of the situation she was in. I met her 2 months after her husband committed suicide. I developed feelings for her but was afraid that if I get closer to her that being a friend for her at that stage my feelings for her would get in the way and ruin things.

I was my own worst enemy and probably still am. She was successful and fairly well off and I was scared since I do not come from a affluent family, that she, her friends and family would think I'm just after her money. I began thinking that I have absolutely nothing to offer this woman. But I realised after a year I was being silly. I was often invited to dinner at her place and her birthday parties. In the beginning of the year I was told that she met somebody else who is an attorney and I though once again that I wasn’t good enough for her and that she is better off without me.

3 months ago I was on holiday and in the vicinity of where she now stays, I went and visit her and spent a total of 2 days with her. We talked for hours and she took me for a tour of her coastal town. I turned out that the new bf dumped her because he wasn't prepared to work for the relationship.

A month ago she was up here where I lived and contacted me to go and enjoy lunch with her. We talked again for hours and she constantly hold my hand or shoulder as we talked. I eventually after 2 years scraped together the courage to tell her how I felt about her and that I cared and would like to see her more often, that I was interested in being more that just friends but would like to get to know her better and see where it goes. She told me she isn't interested in any relationships at this moment but that I'm a good friend to her. We talked a few times afterwards but all of a sudden she seemed to begin avoiding me, does not answer to mails etc.

Should I just forget about her now and just try and move on?

 

[lomojojo]

It depends. What is it that you really want. Do you love her? then go for it. Persist but not in a weird way just be authentic, be yourself and have an honest conversation with her.

 

[BlueArtist]

It depends. What is it that you really want. Do you love her? then go for it.

At first I didn't want to admit to myself that I love her, but yes I do. Everything about her, the little things, her sense humor, her smile, they way she treat people around her.

Persist but not in a weird way just be authentic, be yourself and have an honest conversation with her.

Please eleborate, I've always been dense about such things.

 

[Winterlong]

We talked a few times afterwards but all of a sudden she seemed to begin avoiding me, does not answer to mails etc.

How is that blue?
those conversations were like the others before?

 

[BlueArtist]

How is that blue?
those conversations were like the others before?

I kept the conversation basically the same as before since she said she wasn't ready for any relationships at the time. For instance the first day she flown back after I saw her again, I send a quick text to say that she should drive safely and have a nice flight and the evening I called to make sure she got home safely.

She the proceeded telling me how she quickly went to have a walk with her dogs and she appreciated what I have done and that it got all confusion out of the way. The following days I gave her positive feedback on the progress she posted regarding her new guesthouse she is opening and still got replies, even teased her a bit like I always do about comments she made. And suddenly she wouldn't even say Hi or reply when I see her online etc.

Maybe I should just let her go like all the rest that ran for the hills before her.

 

[Winterlong]

so... if that's the thing... I don't think she's avoiding you.

Maybe something happened to her and she needs a time to be alone.

write to her. tell her what's on your mind. I think that's the best.

just be patience

 

[gelnn]

You will completely lose her if you think too much... Just continue to do things that loves her... just dun lose something precious in doing it and you are fine...

 

[AFrozenSoul]

The answer is yes. She said she wasn't interested in relationships... yet her "new" boyfriend dumped her because he was not ready. That would have set off my BS alarm. Sounds like there was potential at one point. However, you did not act on it. Chances are she feels awkward knowing how you feel and might even feel bad about forcing you into a pretend boyfriend role.

So time to give up. Give her less attention and find someone to replace her.

 

[Mazda13bRotary]

Rule number one: Girls like to tease and play. Just pay less attention to her, act like you're better than she is, and that she doesn't quite live up to your standards. Avoid direct contact with her...but encourage indirect contact. If she's your friend on facebook, make sure all your status updates are happy things, or how great your life has been going, things of that nature. DO NOT put anything negative.

This could work.

 

[BlueArtist]

Thank you every one for your replies and advice.

Out of the blue I've received a lengthy message from her last night in which she explained her current situation and saying sorry that she didn’t talk to me for weeks. It isn't going well with her and her family at the moment and the pressure of starting the new business alone and far away from all her family and friends is taking a toll on her. It will be her first Christmas on her own, and she is having a slight breakdown regarding everything that happened in the last 2 years, loss of her husband due to suicide, the last boyfriend that didn't want to try and work on a long distance relationship (he is an ass, I met him recently and his status and money is more important to him than people) and all the stress of getting the new business up and running. She appreciates the contact that I have tried to keep up, but asked that I'm patient for just a little while longer.

 

[BlueArtist]

Well so far things are going well, we've talked for hours on the phone during the hollidays and text messages. I was on my way to go visit her over Christmas but some unforseen surcomstances quickly changed that. She lost another familly member just before Christmas and the familly wanted privacy to deal with it. We still kept in touch via phone since then. I'm still in uncharted waters here, never been good with relationships, zero to be frankly and I seriously don't know that what I'm doing is the correct way to go about things.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

Don't rush it. Just be yourself. Don't let your emotions rule you. Give her some time but if she doesn't show any interest, and since she clearly said she wasn't interested, don't pursue her. Give her time and space without trying to be more than a friend. Or even, if you are able to, try to space things with her a little, and see if this makes her try to get closer.

Just suggestions. The most important here is, don't hold your breathe for her. Consider this as "maybe - probably not", and try to focus on you and your life. A person with no life, focused just on her, will not interest her. Stay in touch with your goals and the activities that make you happy and do these activities alone or with other people, and watch what she does.

I hope it helps.