have i wasted my life for 8 yrs

[munia]

help, 8 years after leaving high school, im still struggling to get into the university.

i finished high school at the age of 15 and im now 23. i was never a serious student. all i wanted to do was have fun with my friends who were the most popular girls on campus.i had a very low self esteem and my pimples, big lips and big nose made matters worse. i was always teased about them by every one (even by my so called friends). so it was kinda a priviledge to be accepted into their group. i mean dese girls were hot and pretty. guys drooled for them. i so desperately wanted to fit in.

i spent more time trin to fit in and feel as beautiful as them than facing my books. i wanted my name to be on every guy's lips just like them, i wanted to be the hot, crazy girl.

FOOLISH ME! as beautiful as they were, they were smart. they had plans for the future. i on the other hand did not dream beyond high school walls. and even when i did, it never occured to me i had to be seriuos to acheive my dreams (um well, every thing will just fall into place)

my friends graduated and i did not. i re-took final exams (in my country in africa) to complete my papers. i kept on failing. when i finally passed, i was not qualified for the school i wanted. i wanted that school cos it was a party school. lets just say i wanted my freedom to be well enjoyed (stupid me).

i settled for a polytechnic at the age of nineteen with a lot of plans. i was ready for hardwork. all that was short lived. my boyfriend and i broke up at the begining of my first semester which sharttered me. just to console myself, i fell for a guy that was extremely nice and crazy about me. and then my problems began again. this guy had really bad records with the school. but he loved me so much and i wanted to be dere for him. i wanted to help him change. wats that saying about evil communication corrupting good manners. besides he made me feel undescribable tins in bed!

he had lost his focus which i allowed to rub off on me. he got me into so much mess that i became the talk of lecturers and students. i also wanted to have fun cos i din wana feel like i was missing out wen i din get accepted into my choice of school, so someone in my situation would have needed a focused person.

my good grades dropped, i got pregnant and aborted 2ce. my four yrs studenship has expired with carry overs. my mates are back for their HND and in their final year. all my high school mates have graduted some even married. here i am still trin to get into the university to start my life afresh and late. my best friend from high school is pregnant and getting married.

a typical girl where i come from finishes university at at least 22, gets a good job and get marriied. no guy wants to marry an old girl.

every day is filled with regrets. especially wen i look at my poor, low income wage good father. who has so little yet offered me the best. i feel like such a wasted effort. i regret it the most when there are financial issues and i wuld have been able to help. although no one is complaining or thinking about that. they love me so much.


right now i plan on getting into a school which will take me 6 yrs to complete instead of the normal 4. i cant take anymore o'levels exam again and wait till the end of the year to gain admission. (dats d way our schoolin system is). the school is located in an state which is far from lively and social compared to the state i grew up. its gana be a big problem but wat do i do. i just have to do this.

someone please reach out to me im so miserable. i have no drive and each day i wonder wat my life would have been like. are/have you been or do u knw some1 in a similar situaton. pls reach out cos i hate my life so much right now

 

[BunnyNumber8]

Well...I used to be like you, think that at 22 or 23 a normal person should have had a job and start a family but after joining this forum I realised that, well...not everyone does that lol. Society is harsh and demands much from us, everything has to be done quickly and being single is like a sin O__O Total BS !!! People have different goals and not everyone achieves theirs at the same pace. Some people graduate early cause they knew what they wanted and reached out for it, some people like us have it the hard way, some are richer and can afford it, some like us are less wealthy and need to work hard to have access to higher education like University.

I'm 24 and I should be married already, have a husband, building a family with a decent job....but guess what, I'm starting College this semester because I wasted 4 years on a program I hated ( long story lol ) and it's going to take me 3 years, at 27 I'll have my diploma ...if everything goes well hihi...I still live with my parents...and I have never had a boyfriend.....so a person might think it's a pretty bleak situation but I learned to accept it thanks to people here ^_^....and you'll see that we are not alone in this O:

I think you should take some time to really focus on what it is you want...if that school you want to go into is your wish than you should double your efforts and try your hardest if truly it is what you desire, but you must have realistic and achievable goals , I'm not saying you're not smart enough or anything like that but don't aim too high either o: ......well...actually...idk honestly o.o;.....but I know there is always a way , I'll take my lovable twin bro as an example and you will see that things can change for the better and these are no lies ^^ :

So my twin bro finished highschool late cause he kept smocking pot and got into a bad crowd ...he lost 3 years by doing nothing and just failing in class....once I got into University before him, he realised that, well, he couldnt keep doing this, I mean even his twin sister was going somewhere ( supposedly lol, he's doing better than me now *gasp* ) ....so he decided to stop messing up and get a highschool diploma once in for all.....he got it of course but his dreams of becoming a lawyer fell when he couldnt get in because of low grades, alas my dear bro did not despair, he went in political science instead, he will graduate in 1 year and so far he has had remarkable grades, after he graduates he will have the grades to go in law school !! So he will be 29 years old when he finally graduates ....so what O: he is happy and is trying hard to reach his dreams....and our parents don't pay for our education, we do....it's hard and we get crappy minimun wage jobs during summer, but it's all worth it if it helps us make our dreams come true ^o^

So I'd say, think hard on what it is you want to do, make a list of goals, and take the necessary steps to achieve it ^^ don't think too much about the time it will take, if that 6 year program in that far away school is not to your liking, don't go there just for the sake of going and finishing early.....you'll probably regret it..unless you like it there idk o.o; lol.....but if that other school is what you want, study hard, take the test again, maybe go reach out for help when it comes to studying, I'm sure they are ressources available. You might hate waiting for admission but once you are accepted it will be worth it, but before reapplying, maybe see a school counselor and work together on building up your path for a future carreer and check the options that you have

I truly hope my post was helpful !!!! And try not to compare yourself to others, I have learned the hard way that it is not very healthy and just makes matters worse o.<

 

[Mary Mary]

You're 23 years old. OH MY GOD, THAT'S SO OLD!! ) I'm just kidding. I'm 41, so you're still a baby to me. You have so much time ahead of you!! You're not behind.

Everyone feels like you do. We don't feel attractive enough, we have so many painful regrets, and we don't feel like we accomplished all that we should. I'm not trying to invalidate your painful feelings because, trust me, I know how real they are; but they're also very normal. Even those women that you envy feel lacking in something and feel just as depressed as you do. True, attractive and rich people do tend to be happier, but attractive people and rich people still commit suicide just as there are many unattractive and poor people who are quite happy. You can learn to be happy right where you are.

Let's count the things in your story that I saw that impressed me:

1. Despite being supposedly so unattractive, those snooty, pretty girls still accepted you. They saw something in you that was cool.

2. Despite failing over and over, you kept trying until you passed. That's perseverance, girl. Not everyone has that.

3. You had a man fall in love with you. OK maybe it didn't work this time, but you know how to meet men, fall in love, and **have them fall in love with you**

4. Where I come from, statistics show that people who marry in their late twenties have the most enduring marriages; so you are smart to not have gotten married so soon.

5. You have a father "who offered you the best". I had a psychologically abusive father. I envy that you had that much.

6. Despite being depressed, you still have plans to just keep going like the energizer bunny. You don't give up. You're a warrior. I can tell.

Seriously, spend 15 minutes thinking about these six things that I wrote. Then go out and do something nice for yourself. Get some Ben & Jerry's and/or rent a funny movie. And smile.

 

[Brian]

I'm going to go out on a limb here.

I think it's absurd for people to go in to college ater high school. These are kids (I'm only 23, but stick with me here) with no experience of what life is actually like, plunging themselves in to an adolescent fantasy land where, again, they will get no actual life experience. All this does is crank out people who have a very isolated view of the world and they really are a pain in the ass to have to work with.

I honestly, truly think that you shouldn't even be allowed to apply for college until you are 21 or 22. And you should have to show that you've worked a job for that time, the crappier the better, because a shitty job makes you appreciate everything and builds a work ethic; it takes snivelling children and makes them adults. Well, most of them...my forestry crew broke a couple of people, they just couldn't handle working. It was pretty pathetic.


People put WAY too much importance on going to a university and getting a BA or an MA! It's ridiculous. I wish I could find it, but I had a study showing that there are cases where blue collar workers who go to work right out of high school have made significantly more money than people who opt for college, because the college kid often has a longer wait to find a job, and has incredible debts to pay off.

I'm not saying people -shouldn't- seek some sort of professional education. But there's more readily available opportunities nowadays for people who go to two year institutions and learn to actually do something. A kid will go to business school for four or six years and have another two or three years to live in his parents' basement begging for a job. Meanwhile, by that time I'll be through EMT-I and done with my year and a half of Paramedic school, ready to make $14.00-$18.00 an hour. Around $40,000 with Medic hours...and that only goes higher if you get on with a fire department.

Why are people so afraid of real jobs? Why? It's ridiculous.

On $30,000 a year, I can still do better financially than someone making $60,000 or even $80,000. It's less about what you make and more about what you do with it. The biggest check in the world is squandered and wasted if you don't save or invest any of it. People my age are in the hole, financially, and honeysuckle out of luck for jobs that they're just getting out of school to look for and are discovering there's no demand for them; comparatively, I'm socking money away every paycheck and can put money in silver or stocks.

80% of people with 4 year degrees have to move back in with their parents for a number of years after school.



Now, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, you've made some really stupid decisions it sounds like since you were young, decisions that are very typical of people our age. I'll be honest, I can't stand people like you because you make me worry about having to live with you all for another 40 years or so on this green earth, and I go in to a blood-fueled rage every time one of you pops out a ******* kid that I usually end up supporting on welfare. It scares me that some of you will be in charge of making important decisions; it honestly does.

But please; you're far from the point of no return. Find something to do for a living, go get trained for it, and go to work. Pull your head out of your ass about guys and friends and forget it all for a bit and focus on accomplishing something. Plenty of guys will still like you when you're "old", though I don't think you can call yourself old until you're 40. You're being ridiculous. Stop measuring yourself against the status quo all the time; it's not endearing.


And don't worry if you don't have a 4 year degree right out the door. I'm 23 and still working on a 2 year degree. Who cares? I won't need a 4 year degree until I'm ready to move in to management. Kids don't belong in management, I still have a lot to learn. We *can* go -back- to college, you know. In my Biology class last year, I was one of the youngest students! My lab partner, who I thought was a really neat person, was a girl in...I think her 30s. She had several kids and had a hard time with school. She'd been divorced once but recently had remarried to a good guy (HOLY honeysuckle! I know, right?! She's older than 20 and still got married, wow!) but she was putting herself through school to be a radiology technician.

Also, party schools should be burned down. You're not there to ******* party, you're there to learn something. And stop valuing yourself based on how appealing you think you'll be to a guy! Decent guys (like myself ) go for confident women who can stand on their own and don't need me to validate their existence. Ugh.

Sorry if any of this sounded harsh, but I only say it because I care that you succeed. I have probably another 40 years to share this world with you people before I die of cancer or have a heart attack at work and the number of people our age that can be solidly classified as 'fresia Ups' is astounding. You have a chance to not be among them. This is the truth; welcome to reality. Take a nice deep breath, smell the ashes, and stop being a teenager.

 

[BunnyNumber8]

I agree with you Brian about College education not being the only choice available. You can get a decent job without a college diploma but it all depends on what you want to do.
I don't know how the educational system works in other countries but in Canada, you can not be accepted in college without a cegep diploma, it's like an intermediate between highschool and college, I did mine in litterature after highschool for 3 years so I started college at the age of 19 ^^ ...you usually do that if you want to go to University...cause well...I can't do much with a diploma in litt. lol..and I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life at the time... or after highschool you can choose to get a diploma in professionnal studies and start working thats what my older brother did and what many others should try too o:

They are so many good jobs that only acquire you to have that kind of diploma, like computer technician, nurse ect.......but like I said, it depends on what you want to do in life :/ ...psychiatrists, doctors, lawyers ect... they are jobs that pretty much require a college degree.

I also agree that kids these days need to do something before entering College, learn more about life and experience things....I've seen many go to college quickly , graduate and end up working min wage jobs to pay for the massive debts accumulated while waiting to get a job in the field they chose.....but it's not always the case for everyone, I'm sorry but not all graduates stay with their parents after finishing their degrees <<;;;; I have a good friend who did his training as a radiologist in a hospital near his home and once he graduated he was hired ^__^ same for my best friend, she got her 1st contract as a teacher in the same school where she finished her last training

So don't be intimidated by what he says -__-; not everyone ends up in that situation ...if you wanna go to college go if there's a field that peeks your interest, enough for a good future career, don't just go to show off a fancy piece of paper that leads to nothing you like lol

 

[Brian]

Ok So I just re-read my post and I sound like kind of an ass. Forgive me. I get kind of fired up about stuff and I just came back from the most gruelingly slow work shift ever, two days of total isolation so I was a little crusty.

Balance what I said with what Bunny said in her first post, there. She is a good example of how to not freak out about not conforming to society's cookie cutter. You've got a lot of years ahead of you, just like I do, and the future is bright as long as we turn on the lights. There are lots of us in this same situation, and you know what? Most of them that I've met are very down to earth, and have solid heads on their shoulders. We're going to do just fine. But we have to keep moving forward and not get dragged down.

 

[oh_boy]

Hey, maybe it's some strange country where you live, but I assure you where I live I personally know one girl who is 26 now, and still she has like 1 year to go to finish her professional education. Prior to that she did Uni mag degree though, but now she studies with some 18 year old folks and doesn't give a heck.
And I know another guy who is now 24. He plans to enter a flight college. Then another guy I knew entered to study medicine (6+ yrs long business), being 22. Then I knew one guy who started studying medicine (!) being 35 or something. Though he was engineer prior to that. But anyway. Oh and I remember some girl who studied arts or something and said she wants to study some languages after that and so on.
Maybe all these listed are kinda charismatic and bold ppl for you, I don't know. I would say they're ordinary, average. If you think you're way below average, then maybe I can't help you, sorry.

Also, as Brian said, it's ridiculous how many ppl wanna go to study just for fun. And a cult of university degrees flourishes as well. There are many ppl working on prestige jobs without any degree whatsoever and many who have a degree of no use. I've quit my studies partly because I knew that my degree would be of no use. So maybe it's really good to consider more deeply some another options to get a job.

 

[rdp234]

There is no such thing as wasted time. Not if you're willing to learn from it. They're all links in the chain that make up who you are. Use it. You can learn from everything. Adversity builds charcter. You'll be okay. You're a lot tougher than you think.