Have You Ever Experienced Toxic Friendships?

[LoneKiller]

Hi Everyone.

Have you ever had a friend who is super fun to hang out with and someone that you can open up to? Someone you swear was destined to be your friend for life, but certain circumstances cause each of you to be bad for each other when it comes to health issues?

I had such a friend, but as much fun as we had, things like drinking and getting high was affecting both of our health in a negative way. We didn't need drugs to be friends and get together. It was just our lifestyles at the time as individuals. I really miss hanging out with him but at the same time we were a bad influence on each other.

I'm just wondering if this kind of thing is rare or maybe some of you might know what it feels like. Have any of you had to stop hanging out with someone for the same reasons?

Godspeed.
LK

 

[Lua]

Hmm I once was in a somewhat similar situation, but not exactly what you're describing. I had a group of four best friends who I spent very much time with and we ended up influencing each other negatively, but not only in terms of physical health. We were in our teens and it was a very intense, emotional friendship. We went to parties or took drugs half the time, and the other half we discussed our problems and personalities. Once we spent the entire summer holidays together and ended up sitting in someone's living room, with two of us honestly suggesting that we all commit suicide. So I suppose that can be counted as toxic, right?

They were lots of fun to hang out with, everything felt special and I couldn't imagine my life without them in it. At some point I couldn't be myself around them anymore though, it may have been social anxiety or maybe also drugs, I don't know, and they thought that I shouldn't spend time with them for a while. I was miserable for a few months, but I got over it eventually and while I do miss that friendship's intensity every once in a while, I wouldn't want all the drama back

I don't think it's rare... If you spend a lot of time with someone, you're likely to develop the same habits and get used to smoking together, staying up late, eating too much, whatever. Now if one of you wants to change their lifestyle, hanging out with that friend may become difficult because you'd actually rather not smoke but that's just how it works when you're together. It should still be possible to hang out though, if you're a) determined enough to withstand your friend's negative influence or b) you talk about it and both try to change your habits.

 

[Veruca]

I had groups of friends who were absolutely awesome to hang out with, except it always had to include alcohol, spending too much money or eating too much bad food. Eventually I gave up that lifestyle and opted for a healthier one, but they didn't want the likes of me hanging around anymore because I became "boring" :/

 

[Sci-Fi]

Not really anything bad, tried to keep away from people like that. But when I was a kid I had a friend my mom thought was a bad influence and forbade us to be friends anymore. He never spoke kindly to me ever again. Another friend I made at work I was warned about by some of his other friends, that he will be your friend until he has no use for you anymore then drop you like he never knew you. So that friendship was doomed from the start, and ended badly.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I am in one of these now. My friend is a nice guy in small doses. He can be interesting and fun to hang out with. However, he kind of relies on me and others for his own life. You know, he is always willing to make suggestions, but if I do not lead he will just pout. If I go do something on my own. He will pout because he is not invited.

Worst of all he believes acknowledgement of his faults makes up for them. For example, he constantly whines about how he wants to be in better shape. He talks about his plans and what could be done to get in shape. Then he sighs, and says he is lazy. He admits that is the fault holding him back. He does this every time I have a good workout or talk about my diet. It gets really annoying when I am motivated and even try to help him.

He also is way more lonely than me. I mean, if I am sitting around playing video games. He will just hang out and watch me. Even worse he tries to make conversation. Which generally devolves into him repeating a childhood story. Also, he gets extra grumpy when I do not talk to him. It is really annoying.

 

[Gutted]

I've not experienced this. Although I have been offered drink and drugs a number of times by friends in the past. We haven't had problems because of it however. I just say no thanks and they say suit yourself

 

[nik8455]

Story of my life. When I was 15 I could be influenced very easily. I was a boy with a lot of potential ! But met these 2 older guys (19 and 23 at the time) which I became best friends with and we were always hanging out.

Biggest mistake of my life, got too involved, they infected me with their way of thinking and their low self esteem. I was so naive and thought it was a great way of thinking - but no. Now I feel completely trap in that poor mind set and don't know at all how I was before. Each day is a struggle to get out of this.

Now that's a toxic friendship!

 

[bulmabriefs144]

I've had not toxic friendships, so much as toxic gf-material. Friends I usually don't need to take crap from. People I decide to love, well... I feel committed, and now that I found "oh btw, I have a bf already" I'm kinda stuck, caring about you but with nowhere to go with these feelings, since there isn't anyone nearby I can say "oh ok, then in that case I'll try to love this person instead." So I end up trying to convince them to leave their bf when they shouldn't, and yea it gets screwed up.

 

[Okiedokes]

Yes, when I was a teenager for similar reasons.

 

[5pt7art]

idk if i could call it toxic but

i had two freinds...i loved the like brothers...i have no brothers just sisters...we were always together..of course everytime we were hanging out we were drinking... we had alot of great times as freinds...but it got to a point where t=they strated kind of laming there drinking on me...what i found fucke dup was that they would be the ones to invite me over to drink...i admit i would call them up to hang out and drink...but i sure as hell never blamed them for what later became my addiction...sure enough though they ditched me...saying that they werent going to drink anymore and i was dragging them down...yet i see them still drinking...so i really dont know ...id like to think that i wasnt the toxic one but who knows

 

[isthatso]

Toxic may not be the word. But I have been duped by gregarious extroverted charmers who became kind of friends. turned out they were sadly lacking any moral or ethical fibre underneath. Fair weather friends who were anything but trustworthy.

 

[perfanoff]

I was also best friends with the almost typical extroverted-connected jock who becomes a politician. We used to take walks to/fro school together (1 hour walk), things started changing after a few months, he was trying to make me his protege. I'm not the person that will compromise my values for another. So we fought intensely, we had a few physical fights. He moved on to get some other guy as a protege, and now works in the government.

I wouldn't say this relationship was completely for worse though. I got a wake-up call and learned an important lesson in life. Some people are just scumbags. There's no need to empathize with a narcissist. Even if they're fun, smart, powerful, beautiful on the surface. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

[isthatso]

Some people are just scumbags. There's no need to empathize with a narcissist.

See, I still make the mistake of trying empathise with everyone. But some people really are beyond our help.[/i]

 

[perfanoff]

Unfortunately

 

[dreamsurfer]

Having standards will save your hide from the fire many times.

 

[aspalas]

It's not really a friendship but I've been in the Techno scene for about 1,5 years now and especially the first year eas really bad for me. At techno partys everyone uses drugs, so did I. I've used harddrugs almost every week for a year. Now I'm not using drugs that much anymore, once a month or so (haven't used a thing in 2 months now actually).

At these parties I used to use a lot of XTC/MDMA and speed. At 6 a.m. when the party was over we usually would jang out at somebody's house until it was evening. I'd go home and sleep for about 24hrs and feel horrible. Sometimes I partied for 3 days straight, no sleeping. All this happened when I was 17-18, I'm almost 19 now. It's a part of the reason why I messed up my education last year.

Drugs (including alcohol) are fun as long as you know what you're doing, but never ever get into this scene. I'm lucky I stopped with living like this before it was too late. I've really suffered from drugs myself and I've known people who weren't able to have fun or sleep without them. I've also known people who had to go to rehab. When I started using drugs I thought it was great, I've even recommended using drugs to people, but there is not a single drug in the world that doesn't have a down side.

 

[ucxb]

On this new journey of mine I have been trying to sort out the healthy relationships I do have. I can relate in recognizing the toxic.

I have realized that I am powerless to a few people in my life now (people in general tend to drain me now too). And by powerless I mean a mixture of powerful feelings like love, anxiety, can’t think straight, and jumpy.

I have been trying to rewire, react differently for the sake of love, social contacts, work culture, etc. and my well being. I wonder if this is some sort of far out challenge to attempt rewiring or necessary to find a healthy balance for relations sake.

 

[dugthecat]

It's not really a friendship but I've been in the Techno scene for about 1,5 years now and especially the first year eas really bad for me. At techno partys everyone uses drugs, so did I. I've used harddrugs almost every week for a year. Now I'm not using drugs that much anymore, once a month or so (haven't used a thing in 2 months now actually).

At these parties I used to use a lot of XTC/MDMA and speed. At 6 a.m. when the party was over we usually would jang out at somebody's house until it was evening. I'd go home and sleep for about 24hrs and feel horrible. Sometimes I partied for 3 days straight, no sleeping. All this happened when I was 17-18, I'm almost 19 now. It's a part of the reason why I messed up my education last year.

Drugs (including alcohol) are fun as long as you know what you're doing, but never ever get into this scene. I'm lucky I stopped with living like this before it was too late. I've really suffered from drugs myself and I've known people who weren't able to have fun or sleep without them. I've also known people who had to go to rehab. When I started using drugs I thought it was great, I've even recommended using drugs to people, but there is not a single drug in the world that doesn't have a down side.

I know what you mean, I was hanging around the techno scene since I was 18. Its a killer. Literally. Lost friends to it. Still see some of the people around these days but its such a shame to see them now. Ive not really been around that scene for a couple of years but i can see the damage it has done to these people.
I still use some drugs from time to time now but no where near like I used to. I dont think theres much point in telling people not to take drugs, if they want to do it they will but atleast educate yourself on it and moderation is a winner.
My biggest down fall is cannabis, i guess this is my toxic friend ship. 13 years in the grip of a plant. I havnt smoked since friday which is driving me a bit mental considering i have smoked every single day since i was 13 i get withdrawal symptoms and if your addicted to anythintg your biggest enemy is your own mind, it will constantly try and trick you in to doing it again!