Hello all,
Well I always like reading peoples life stories, but I'm too lazy to write mine so I'll keep it not too long. But it feels really good being completely honest for once. I've been lurking here for a few days now. Normally I'd kill time playing a video game (I play only one, aoc), but in a depressed drunken fit a few weeks ago I punched my wall a fractured a bone. So my cast prevents me from doing a lot of things. Excuse, some typos and stuff its really annoying writing with a cast.
I'm fairly nice, and can banter with people well enough. But I find transitioning from talking with acquaintances to actually making friends, or doing anything with them very very difficult.
My family is overall amazing imo. Not people I can really talk to deeply, but still my parents worked (and are still wokring) very hard, and its greatly appreciated. Unfortunately my mother has become a functionally drunk, drinking every night.
I used to be "chubby" but around the end of high school I started to work out. Sometimes on and off, but fairly consistently. It really hlped my confidence. Unfortunately, after 3-4 years, I still have some "man tits" left. Everything else is fine, but i just cant seem to lose those. lol
My childhood was great, we were poor but I had a few great friends. Even in high school, I had some friends. Didnt have a date for prom, but i didnt really care. Went to university, fairly mediocre. I had a few freinds, and some "acquaintinces". Never been to parties, some small get togethers only. I had some forward steps, I remember asking a girl I hardly knew for lunch, and got a yes. Sadly, i was far too shy and she was 4 years older (me 18 and her 22), so didnt go anywhere, but still a great learning experience. A year later, seeing that a girl in my class seemed intrigued by me, we went out for a late lunch after class. I remember the following Sunday, I texted her to go out for a drink, she being the party animal already had plans for drinking, but invited me along. Well that went ok, I suck at group interactions. Went out to discoteque, but she was too drunk so i called it a night (she also mentioned that shes seeing someone, not to give me the wrong impression). To be perfectly honest, this may offend some people, but given my age, I'm mainly just looking for fun, not anything serious, unless I really meet someone special, so I wasn't really disappointed.
Forward to now, I'm doing an exchange in europe. Since I'm being honest (god it feels good to be honest) its been fairly crap. I thought it would be great, being in situations where it would be easier to meet studnets, since a lot of students here are exchange students as well, but it rather sucks. I've had some success, being "intimate" with 2 girls (and losing my virginity) but well to be honest sex seemed very overrated. Very funny story about the 2nd girl (hint: chinese lesbian, I'm a guy btw) I'll maybe write it later.
I've really hit a low point. I find myslef drinking alone, smoking like a chimney, and literally 0 friends (I only have a few back home, and not really good friends either). We had a holiday about a month and a half ago, and I just sat in my apartment killing time, and drinking. I just had my last exam, and my next semester is still abroad, but in another country (yes I do feel like an a**hole for complaining, not about the exchange, but in general, I'm very fortunate of a lot of things). I have January off, my school begins in February. My lease here expires at the end of this month. A lot of students have plans, whereas I feel so lonely and so useless. I'm dishing out a lot of money for this, as are my paretns, and yet I have really accomplished nothing. If I couldve at least learnt something, it wouldnt be so bad. I will be lonely as crap for the next 2-3 weeks, and have no idea what to do in January. I need to tell my parents something, but I'm lying too much. Suicidal thoughts have really creeped in, but I'd never do it, but i still feel like crap. I can imagine all the things I've missed out on here, and I jsut feel even worse. I'm sure a lot of the students in my class will go out drinking tonight (since our last exam was today), and I already know I'll spend my nigth drinking alone bored out of my mind.
Well on a positive note, I always like ending positive, I did learn that in one on one situations with girls I'm pretty good. But since so much depends on other social interactions, I'm at a significant handicap. I have facebook, but havent used it in years due to lack of activity. I'm too afriad to now, since i have only a few photos from long ago, no posts...etc. Facebook seems to be the way that a lot of things were organized.
Well, its fairly long, but if you read it thanks. It feels good being honest for once.
PS, if anyone here speaks Russian, I'd love the practice.
Well I always like reading peoples life stories, but I'm too lazy to write mine so I'll keep it not too long. But it feels really good being completely honest for once. I've been lurking here for a few days now. Normally I'd kill time playing a video game (I play only one, aoc), but in a depressed drunken fit a few weeks ago I punched my wall a fractured a bone. So my cast prevents me from doing a lot of things. Excuse, some typos and stuff its really annoying writing with a cast.
I'm fairly nice, and can banter with people well enough. But I find transitioning from talking with acquaintances to actually making friends, or doing anything with them very very difficult.
My family is overall amazing imo. Not people I can really talk to deeply, but still my parents worked (and are still wokring) very hard, and its greatly appreciated. Unfortunately my mother has become a functionally drunk, drinking every night.
I used to be "chubby" but around the end of high school I started to work out. Sometimes on and off, but fairly consistently. It really hlped my confidence. Unfortunately, after 3-4 years, I still have some "man tits" left. Everything else is fine, but i just cant seem to lose those. lol
My childhood was great, we were poor but I had a few great friends. Even in high school, I had some friends. Didnt have a date for prom, but i didnt really care. Went to university, fairly mediocre. I had a few freinds, and some "acquaintinces". Never been to parties, some small get togethers only. I had some forward steps, I remember asking a girl I hardly knew for lunch, and got a yes. Sadly, i was far too shy and she was 4 years older (me 18 and her 22), so didnt go anywhere, but still a great learning experience. A year later, seeing that a girl in my class seemed intrigued by me, we went out for a late lunch after class. I remember the following Sunday, I texted her to go out for a drink, she being the party animal already had plans for drinking, but invited me along. Well that went ok, I suck at group interactions. Went out to discoteque, but she was too drunk so i called it a night (she also mentioned that shes seeing someone, not to give me the wrong impression). To be perfectly honest, this may offend some people, but given my age, I'm mainly just looking for fun, not anything serious, unless I really meet someone special, so I wasn't really disappointed.
Forward to now, I'm doing an exchange in europe. Since I'm being honest (god it feels good to be honest) its been fairly crap. I thought it would be great, being in situations where it would be easier to meet studnets, since a lot of students here are exchange students as well, but it rather sucks. I've had some success, being "intimate" with 2 girls (and losing my virginity) but well to be honest sex seemed very overrated. Very funny story about the 2nd girl (hint: chinese lesbian, I'm a guy btw) I'll maybe write it later.
I've really hit a low point. I find myslef drinking alone, smoking like a chimney, and literally 0 friends (I only have a few back home, and not really good friends either). We had a holiday about a month and a half ago, and I just sat in my apartment killing time, and drinking. I just had my last exam, and my next semester is still abroad, but in another country (yes I do feel like an a**hole for complaining, not about the exchange, but in general, I'm very fortunate of a lot of things). I have January off, my school begins in February. My lease here expires at the end of this month. A lot of students have plans, whereas I feel so lonely and so useless. I'm dishing out a lot of money for this, as are my paretns, and yet I have really accomplished nothing. If I couldve at least learnt something, it wouldnt be so bad. I will be lonely as crap for the next 2-3 weeks, and have no idea what to do in January. I need to tell my parents something, but I'm lying too much. Suicidal thoughts have really creeped in, but I'd never do it, but i still feel like crap. I can imagine all the things I've missed out on here, and I jsut feel even worse. I'm sure a lot of the students in my class will go out drinking tonight (since our last exam was today), and I already know I'll spend my nigth drinking alone bored out of my mind.
Well on a positive note, I always like ending positive, I did learn that in one on one situations with girls I'm pretty good. But since so much depends on other social interactions, I'm at a significant handicap. I have facebook, but havent used it in years due to lack of activity. I'm too afriad to now, since i have only a few photos from long ago, no posts...etc. Facebook seems to be the way that a lot of things were organized.
Well, its fairly long, but if you read it thanks. It feels good being honest for once.
PS, if anyone here speaks Russian, I'd love the practice.
