Caged Bird
New member
Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm looking foward to get some advices.
First of all, I must tell you that I am here not bec I entirely feel lonely. I have the love of my life but we can't be together since he is in america and I am in germany. I live on my own right now, and that is somehow lonely. However, the reason why I am here is because I am currently forced to go back to the life I had once. And if I give in it will be the end of me. Because I rather die to go back to the cage. And I mean die emotionally and not physically.
You see the thing is my mother had raised me with my sisters almost on her own. And now she seems to ask everything in return. She doesnt want me to marry the guy I love, she doesnt let me live where I want to and she surely is NOT giving me the right to live how I wish to be. She wants me to graduate, go back to home, (I come from a country somewhere in Asia, sorry cant tell from where) marry a local guy there, taking care of my sisters, and be active in my religion. The more she pushes me, the more I want to struggle. But the more I struggle the more she makes me feel guilty and pity her, she keeps telling me how hard her life was raising me, how she loves me unconditionally, how much I will suffer if I marry that one guy I love, how much she will suffer if I do just what I want to. And it really makes me sick. I always have felt guilty to be born, and that I have no values in me whatsoever. My boyfriend has changed me, he show me what Im capable of, what rights I have, and I realized so much what I have missed. My life is really similiar to the Rapunzel story, only difference is I wasnt caged in a tower but in a big house and most of all in my own world.
To make it short, I want to be free but my mother is not giving me the right for it. And I have been manipulated too long to get the strenght for it. But I'm slowly thinking about getting my rights. Please give me some advices. I will really appreciate it, thanks. (Sorry for my english btw)
First of all, I must tell you that I am here not bec I entirely feel lonely. I have the love of my life but we can't be together since he is in america and I am in germany. I live on my own right now, and that is somehow lonely. However, the reason why I am here is because I am currently forced to go back to the life I had once. And if I give in it will be the end of me. Because I rather die to go back to the cage. And I mean die emotionally and not physically.
You see the thing is my mother had raised me with my sisters almost on her own. And now she seems to ask everything in return. She doesnt want me to marry the guy I love, she doesnt let me live where I want to and she surely is NOT giving me the right to live how I wish to be. She wants me to graduate, go back to home, (I come from a country somewhere in Asia, sorry cant tell from where) marry a local guy there, taking care of my sisters, and be active in my religion. The more she pushes me, the more I want to struggle. But the more I struggle the more she makes me feel guilty and pity her, she keeps telling me how hard her life was raising me, how she loves me unconditionally, how much I will suffer if I marry that one guy I love, how much she will suffer if I do just what I want to. And it really makes me sick. I always have felt guilty to be born, and that I have no values in me whatsoever. My boyfriend has changed me, he show me what Im capable of, what rights I have, and I realized so much what I have missed. My life is really similiar to the Rapunzel story, only difference is I wasnt caged in a tower but in a big house and most of all in my own world.
To make it short, I want to be free but my mother is not giving me the right for it. And I have been manipulated too long to get the strenght for it. But I'm slowly thinking about getting my rights. Please give me some advices. I will really appreciate it, thanks. (Sorry for my english btw)