Hello...

[MindfulPerson]

I've been on one forum, previously, for at least 2 years.
Actually, it's been about 1 year that I've been active.. and I made posts and topics.. Well, mostly they were to get attention and arousal or controversy..
Many people say I'm a "troll.."
Well, I'm 15!

And the reason why I'm here...?
Well, I started to talk like this from my previous experience with the forums, it helped me with arguments, and people educated me...
That forum was a Samurai Online Text RPG... Hahaha
But I enjoyed talking to them...

"Suffering comes from attachment."
So could I really become attached to such a large forum with a lot of people?
The previous one had less than 50 real posters and moderators...

So.. I'd just like to say hi whenever I feel.. l-l-lonely...
Bwuahahaha
D:

 

[Janggo0]

Hi to you..most of us are here for being lonely.

 

[MindfulPerson]

But what is the point.. if we'll never meet in real life?
Are we hoping for something to happen..
Or do we imagine what we'd look like when we talk to each other...

I mean.. what is the purpose?!?!
We could all be acting and pretending about our situations..

 

[Janggo0]

If you act lonely then mostly you are lonely. I trust in the goodness of people even though i dont experience it myself. We are here to find people of equal mind, someone to discuss our troubles with and to seek support from others which most of us cannot do in real life. Im a drug addict on my fourth year, it aint just cannabis i tell you. In here people are kind to one another so we can help and support eachother. For an example comming with advice and comfort for the people who are completly messed up. And by messed up i mean being lonely..because that is the worst bloody thing in the world. Worse than any drug addiction is the feeling of complete lonelyness.

 

[MindfulPerson]

Well, I cope with it by focusing my attention to anime..
But then I get depressed lol.
Post-Anime Depression exists...
I used to drink caffeine everyday for a year at least.. and it ruined me.. D:
Then, how does one not feel lonely here?
Is it when your inbox is spammed with a lot of messages from friendly people?
Or is it just an advice forum...?

I watch anime because it's a closer experience, well, somewhat. I'm viewing the protagonist...
Well, I have adolescent depression. Or I could be exaggerating, but this stress is still high in me.
"Welcome to the NHK" was my last anime.. and I felt so lonely.. it's about a Hikikimori... someone who is a recluse and doesn't go out of their home for years.. and is socially awkward..
Many people who enjoy the anime, can connect to it.

 

[Janggo0]

We still feel lonely, but support from anyone is vital for a person to live. To sum my situation up, I am a drug addict and i take everything from hash and weed to lsd speed and crack. I have no real friends at all and my fammily i have not seen for two years and not heard from in over one and a half because they cut all connection to me. I spend most of my days indoor living on the goverments money with a stamp on my papers that says junkie. Getting high every day all day long without having any connection to any people, anywhere. Thats why im here, to atleast have someone who wanna listen to my stories.

 

[MindfulPerson]

Well... then you're required to make your stories interesting, now, right? lol
What happens if no one is listening here..?!?!
Humans are insignificant, that is true, well, for me.. because we're overpopulated..
I get my pleasure from explicit things and caffeine and music.. but what then...?
Will that be enough to satisfy me?

Wouldn't it be better if it was a smaller forum, so that our relationships would be more important and intimate.. then a world wide web.. with thousands of members and posts...?

Can't you just.. quit? "Suffering comes from attachment."

---

Also, I've heard that loneliness can actually make us stronger..
I was playing an MMORPG.. a free one lol..and I met some people...
We spent at least days' worth of hours together... and well, I decided to quit..
If I kept staying, they would eventually quit...
So it's best to make the first move... and to not be hopeful..
I'm very pessimistic though.

 

[Janggo0]

If its was so simple to quit drugs as it sounds like i would have done it years ago. But the suffering from the withdrawl are absolutly horrible.You turn aggresive and needy and nothing but your fix can remove the constant thought of getting money so you can buy those **** drugs. And in here, we are listening, as people are listening to us. I will just as gladly listen to you like to anyone else who feels down and depressed. Because that is what they need! and if they need a thing i can provide for **** right free then i can not see any reason why i shoulden. And with a smaller forum you might be right about the relationships. But every good idea draws people, and this is one of the best. And heck im sure you can speak alot with the same person even if the forum is big, no?

 

[MindfulPerson]

D:
I like the smaller communities though.. it's as if my threads have a significance to them..
But if you realize.. if we all realize that our problems are just humane, they're mundane lol.. a lot of people experience them.. what are we going getting ourselves caught up with these silly problems?!

Because of this depression, it's been making me feel low... but I savor the emotions of being lonely, and opening up to someone very intimately. I appreciate it, too.

I just look for something that can cheer me up... fine... Masturbation is one.. but not anymore... and caffeine was one.. not anymore though... I'm stopping for now.. but I found romance anime..
It's not the real thing.. I doubt I could even find such a thing lol... but it's my imagination..
It's a cycle, too. Post-Anime Depression just leads anime viewers to another anime... so that they can savor the series and abandon their feelings for the previous one.. You can never quit..

Isn't romance.. or someone else in a significant relationship the only thing that can make us lively again?

Why not experience being deprived.. and listen to depressing, but memorable music also?


I always listen to an anime soundtrack after I finish the anime, it's how I reminisce and cope lol.
This one gave me anger and passion... well, just listen to it. I need music, because it defines my emotions and mood...

Drugs are temporary.. but music can always be played.. although the listener can lose interest, I haven't yet lol. It's because I have attachments to them, with my teenage memories of watching anime in the dark at night and staying up.. But I was alone.. so I recommend these songs, so people can feel what I felt!

If you don't use drugs for a month.. those feelings will eventually decline and the desire for it will not occur as frequently. I used romance anime to make me feel lively again.. but I realize it won't happen for me.

 

[Janggo0]

well i wrote you a PM

 

[MindfulPerson]

Umm... Thank you.. T.T
Actually, feeling depression.. is like a high to me..
I can feel emotions much more intensely, and they stay with me..
It's much better than being passive and indifferent, and not giving concern to anything.
And I enjoy feeling the sad emotions, much more than feeling stressed.
Bwuahahaha
How did I develop this personality?
How did you develop your drug addiction?

Mine started in school... I was socially awkward, afraid of what people thought about me.
I was also overweight! But you know what.. I was a male..
Why did I have to care?
Maybe because I'm much more self-conscious, I had a lot of time to think about my own self, and criticize every single action which involved me...
Then it became a peer thing.. wondering if I would grow tall and strong lol.
But I had so much stress with this worrying.. I also had school, piano, and a sport.. grades and such.. and everyone was loud in my home...
I turned to caffeine, which made time pass by... and made me feel energetic again..

I turned to anime to become emotional lol..

But what's the difference, between drugs, and indulging in sweet chocolate or food?