S
SophiaGrace
Guest
I've never spoken about this to anyone before. But I think it need to come out.
I had a close friend die almost a year ago. He had the same disability as I did. Ever since he died I've been having a rough time. I mean sure I went through difficult times when he was alive; but I always felt as though there was hope. Now with him dead; life is different for me.
I loved Max (that was his name). I loved him dearly. Even though he drove me batshit sometimes (pardon my french). He was the person I looked up to. He gave me hope that despite the fact that I was born with a disability that I could have a happy and succesful life. I took his life as a sort of blueprint; a reassurance..."Soph, if Max can do it...so can you." and now that he is dead...I am full of fear (I dont know anyone else with my disability because its so rare). Fear that...because of my disability I wont be able to lead a fulfilling life. That I wont be able to pay my medical bills, or get a job, that I will always struggle with life and not be able to enjoy it.
I've seen figures; 200,000 in medical bills for what? 3 years? o_o
And my mom ever since I was little has been telling me "soph you should get married." and its been out of a fear I wont be able to financially support myself when I am older. She's always made it clear that she worries about that.
And there was the career guy that told me that all i'd be able to do was freelance work if I was lucky.
I feel afraid guys. And my fear is paralyzing me.
Tell me the truth; do I have reason to fear? To feel hopeless about the future?
Oh! to explain what my disability is...here is a quote from another post of mine. That should help you answer this post.
"I was born without a Jaw. which means i use sign language to communicate as well as writing things down on paper. So around people I am silent and its hard for them to tell if i am intelligent or not. (which...i like to think that i am....) So i usually just sit there and listen to them talk. This also means i have a tracheostomy and gastrostomy. Tracheostomy is for breathing and the Gastrostomy for eating since i cant eat through my mouth. "
I had a close friend die almost a year ago. He had the same disability as I did. Ever since he died I've been having a rough time. I mean sure I went through difficult times when he was alive; but I always felt as though there was hope. Now with him dead; life is different for me.
I loved Max (that was his name). I loved him dearly. Even though he drove me batshit sometimes (pardon my french). He was the person I looked up to. He gave me hope that despite the fact that I was born with a disability that I could have a happy and succesful life. I took his life as a sort of blueprint; a reassurance..."Soph, if Max can do it...so can you." and now that he is dead...I am full of fear (I dont know anyone else with my disability because its so rare). Fear that...because of my disability I wont be able to lead a fulfilling life. That I wont be able to pay my medical bills, or get a job, that I will always struggle with life and not be able to enjoy it.
I've seen figures; 200,000 in medical bills for what? 3 years? o_o
And my mom ever since I was little has been telling me "soph you should get married." and its been out of a fear I wont be able to financially support myself when I am older. She's always made it clear that she worries about that.
And there was the career guy that told me that all i'd be able to do was freelance work if I was lucky.
I feel afraid guys. And my fear is paralyzing me.
Tell me the truth; do I have reason to fear? To feel hopeless about the future?
Oh! to explain what my disability is...here is a quote from another post of mine. That should help you answer this post.
"I was born without a Jaw. which means i use sign language to communicate as well as writing things down on paper. So around people I am silent and its hard for them to tell if i am intelligent or not. (which...i like to think that i am....) So i usually just sit there and listen to them talk. This also means i have a tracheostomy and gastrostomy. Tracheostomy is for breathing and the Gastrostomy for eating since i cant eat through my mouth. "