Lifeless Dead
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2015
- Messages
- 26
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I'm Katherine, I'm 17, since I left highschool I've been in loneliness these fourteen months, I don't see my friends anymore, they forgot about me, people like always never try catch me up, I go out but not much, I can't go out alone, it's not a phobia, is less, it's like I prefer to stay at home, I go out with my mom but I feel uncomfortable out there, it's been a long time I don't have fun, going out with other someone and socialize, and do normal things when you go out with friends. It's like all those months I didn't felt alive like now, and these days, well, were, I don't know, I spend too much thinking about death, but more deeper than the other times, I took some pills I use by a doctor, and nothing happened, today I was in the bathroom, I tried to cut me with a razor blade not the veins exactly and I couldn't, a part of me said me that I couldn't do it in this way, I always been coward for cut, I never ever had the thought to do it, but I don't know, I mean I'm not that suicidal. But I have the idea to take drugs, heavy drugs, I did marijuana and, ecstasy one, but It's like I want to feel something, and I'm curious, I always been open minded about those things, and if someone ask me to do some heavy one, I guess I wouldn't say no. I depend sometimes on the drink, I smoke sometimes, not much, But the drink it's like sometimes I drink to fall, fall apart, with pills or not, to be anesthetized of so much drink, that end me to feel worst, that I'm not aware. I was depressed for two years and since that I don't sleep well, started with problems in highschool, I didn't felt comfortable there, and my dad is an alcoholic, I can't look at him, I lost all the confidence on him, I made a summary of all, because if I start writing about everything that messed me up, is a lot, and I don't want to boring you.
