Hey

[VoodooGirl]

... I'm not really a new member as I registered with this forum last year but have barely used it since then. I've decided to start using it more as I'm feeling really lost in my life at the moment and I think it'd be good to share my feelings with like-minded people...

I'm a 20 year old female... I was an I.T. student but have postponed my second year due to financial difficulties and depression.

People in 'the real world' always seem to think i'm happy all the time as I tend to put on a front and I generally keep my depressed feelings to myself...

I'm painstakingly shy around people I don't know, which can put me into really awkward situations at times...

I don't really know what else to say bout myself as I don't really know who I am atm... I know I'm a nice girl tho and I'd love to make new friends on this forum!! xX

 

[Skorian]

Ya, I hate that. People will smile at me and I can't help often but smile back. Like a few people I like the attention, but alot I don't. Like I don't want to be made to feel better, like it just hides how I feel or something. Which just makes me feel like I am just that much stranger then others. Like I just want to feel like I can talk about some things and not be judged or have people force me to pretend to not feel the way I do.

Like one thing I have always hated is strangers or people you bairly know who will ask you how your doing, but when you then answer with the truth instead of saying your doing good. Then they run away. It's like they want you to lie. Then make you feel bad about telling the truth. And if they don't care then why ask? I hate BS.

 

[tennisgirl]

Hey voodoogirl, Welcome back.

I know exactly what you mean about pretending to be happy. I'm sure a lot of depressed people do that. I'm sure you'll agree that it's just easier pretending everything's rosey sometimes rather than going into the reasons with people. I think there's that fear, well maybe this is just me, that when I do try to talk to someone, i'll be told to "get over myself" or be ridiculed. I don't know if it's the same for you.. I think it's because I've kept that happy front up for so long that people don't believe me. I feel like if I show people my true depressed self, they won't want to know me but I really do HATE that happy person that I have to pretend to be. It affects my anxiety and makes the depression worse. Pretending to be happy, when all you really want to do is run away and cry, is draining. I don't do it anymore.. instead I come across as aloof and disinterested all the time and it's no surprise that people don't want to know me when I'm like that. I'm really shy too and I also hate those awkward situatuions, so I guess it suits me fine.. although being alone is no fun at the same time :/.

Hm, I didn't mean to talk about me then.. just wanted to tell you that you'll find people here who are in similar situations and hopefully it'll help you a bit.

 

[Skorian]

Hmmm. The thing is people do just tell you to like snap out of it. I have heard it many times.... Then it's just like. Darn it, they won't understand anything I say will they...

Tennis. You wrote that out then kicked yourself for good measure at the end. Nothing you say can be perfect.

 

[tal]

Hi voodoogirl.

What kind of IT stuff are you into?

Like the others here, I guess I seem happier than I really am. I just can't not return smiles or look miserable all the time, even if sometimes I'd love to appear cold and emotionless. I doubt it would make much difference though. People aren't generally interested in hearing about other's problems.