hi again, tried duiced now friend hate me

[simhthmss]

i dont have much more to say but i tried to kill myself and the woman i thought was my best friend went crazy at me, turning whole forums, chat rooms and communities against me, she knew all my friends and they disappeared too because of her

she severely distorted what happened and people who were very dear to me now hate me...i dont want to live but without guns it hurts too much to 'do it'

 

[Despicable Me]

I don't know you but but this kinda thing just happens sometimes. More often than you'd think. It's nothing worth trying to kill yourself over.
So what if you lost some friends? Just look at it this way, real friends would listen to your side of the story. It just means you need to find and experience some real friends and possibly be a real friend yourself, depending on what all happened here.
And maybe this isn't true, but could there be some friends left that you're not acknowledging? If you perceive as if everyone has turned against you then it might be impossible for them to convince you that they haven't done it like everyone else.

But look at this in the bigger scope of things.
Even if the whole world turned against you why would you try to kill yourself? They are already doing enough of that for you, so why try to aid the same people torturing you?
No, you can do better than that. You can shrug off their blows and stand up to them and stand up for yourself. Human beings are capable of unimaginable perseverance, facing even death in the eyes and winning. The only thing that divides us in that respect is the obstacles we create for ourselves and whether we give ourselves the determination and the strength to overcome.
These situations aren't able to destroy us unless we allow them to, but if we have the right mindset they are able to build us up like never before, able to conquer things we previously thought were impossible.

These situations that seem to drain our energy, seem to widen the vacancy in our souls, and seem to beat us when we are down, they are only opportunities for us to learn to become better people who can obtain unfathomable strength to endure and to set aside our pasts and indefinitely pursue a better tomorrow. Even if it is not for ourselves then we may have the strength and kindness to do it for others. We can see the destruction that these things bring, so we can adjust our goals and put our efforts towards making the world a better place in a new way that we might learn.

Know what I'm saying? You can't let one person's path of destruction destroy your whole life, even if you were, yourself, a part of that destruction. Inevitably you're still here so take that as an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to overcome.

 

[BeyondShy]

Excellent advice. If those people would not give you the opportunity to let you have your say then they were not worth it anyway.

 

[simhthmss]

i understand what you're trying to say and i agree i don't need dumbasses like that in my life anyway.

losing my friends isnt whats hurting me, its psychosis and severe depression right now, i spend all day clutching my head crying unable to deal with the psychological pain im in, i cant find its reason, its root...its just 'there' a mess of voices, flashbacks and just strait...pain

thank you for your support though

 

[Despicable Me]

losing my friends isnt whats hurting me, its psychosis and severe depression right now, i spend all day clutching my head crying unable to deal with the psychological pain im in, i cant find its reason, its root...its just 'there' a mess of voices, flashbacks and just strait...pain

Well I wouldn't be so quick to throw away the fact that losing friends hurts.
A loss is still a loss, and if you reject that this is what causes you pain then it's easy enough not to realize where some of that pain is coming from.

I know what you mean by this, though. The voices, the pain, the flashbacks. All too familiar to me. But I have mostly learned to channel those emotions. I have my failures, like anyone else, but I use these emotions to better myself most of the time. If you'll forgive the metaphor: I can see beauty in the darkness.

From what I can tell, we can all experience life basically in one of two ways.
1. We let the pain build up over time, slowing torturing us, and eventually succumb to it.
2. We can accept the pain, learn to channel our emotions into something productive, and move on with our lives not allowing these things to get us down. That we can move towards a greater goal and even a greater good, even if we do not truly now where or what that may be.

As I said, I see beauty in the darkness.
If something is torturing me I find a way to let it out. My pain and my experiences can help other people. I try to help other people on forums to deal with their own pain and torture.
I also like to write, draw, paint, cook, garden, carve, and basically create any number of various things all of which reflect these emotions. Or at least I used to. I haven't lately, as I don't have much free time these days, but maybe that's why I'm here. Who knows? I go where the wind takes me.

In any case, as an example: Maybe I'll draw or paint an image of a monster or demon? This is a way to fight my own demons and to let them out, and to trap them inside. Others who see this might find their own peace in it, knowing that there are others out there who feel the same way.
Or maybe I'll carve an angel, as a representation of all the light and beauty that I see and want to see in this world.

It is up to you to define how you might want to channel those feelings. My examples are just things that I've tried in the past and have somewhat worked for me.

We all have some light and some darkness inside us. Some of us deal with this by withdrawing from the darkness. Some by withdrawing from the light. Others by withdrawing themselves completely, rejecting the whole world in various ways.
And finally, there are some others who embrace both the light and the dark and learn to use them together as two parts of one whole, and as two pieces of themselves.

So don't reject the pain. I know it hurts but accept it, all of it, and understand where it is coming from. Then turn it into something that you can be proud of, turn it into a piece of who you are, because it is already a piece of who you are. Channel this into the real world so that you can get it out of your soul.

 

[simhthmss]

i do know what yuo're getting at...they're both there for a reason.....ill come back with more after my take out pizzaaa

 

[Dozrock]

You didn't read the thread rules where you will be reported to the authorities for speaking of suicide; seeing as suicide is illegal. Also, from what it seems, you are trying to kill yourself over virtual beings (Chat rooms and forums) turning against you? Definitely not worth it.

 

[simhthmss]

to clarify...i did NOT try to kill myself over cyber ppl! i was just saying how i didn't like how they reacted and its against the rules to encourage suicide, discuss methods or actively say 'I'm about to kill myself', you read the rules; you can discuss its existence and events of it in past.

by the by suicide isn't illegal here, it was a cop that help carry me in and told me im in no legal trouble

 

[Tealeaf]

There's no telling why some people think the way they do, and even if it's tempting... it's often futile to try to convince anyone of anything. People think what they do often for emotional and social reasons, but their acceptance or agreement isn't a requirement for survival or even for flourishing. If you're worried about yourself first and foremost, then you have an edge over many who are worried about others first and foremost.

Those social restrictions are chains on unrestrained cores which we accept in order to feel like more of a whole while being an individual. If you're completely alone, those chains are also gone. There's no one to talk to or share with, but there are also no longer molds to fit, roles to play, drama to humor, dominant personalities to appease, lies to tell or punishments to take if your thoughts and feelings don't fit the agenda--nothing but being. Your healing is entirely your own and free to take on the most perfect shape on the most perfect path to health...and "perfect" has no bearing on whether or not there are unpleasant periods. I'm finding this out myself.

I hope you break through. Don't waste energy worrying about them at a time like this. You'll do fine without.