Cherrytree
Active member
I'm a 17 year old girl, my real name's Helena. I live in the Netherlands, and I'm attending my senior year at highschool.
All in all, I don't think I have much to complain about.
I have awesome friends, a boyfriend, very loving parents and a brother I can really get along with.
Nonetheless I've been through some really tough times. I've experienced things that have changed me a lot, and not for the better.
Now, this might be a bit of a long story, so don't feel obligated to read it.
When I was starting highschool at the age of 12 I got confronted with things that I wasn't at all ready for. My best friend at that time started to sink away in depression. She would cry at school, cut herself, lock herself up in the bathroom and bang her head against the door. She was getting scarily thin, she'd say she was possesed by the devil, diagnose herself with borderline, and she has tried to commit suicide three times.
During all of this I was in a completely powerless position. I tried everything I could to help her, but I never could. I also never understood what the reason was for her depression. It was just there. For being so useless and ignorant I blamed myself constantly. I would also be the one person she would vent her anger on. And about almost everything she would start a fight and give me the silent-treatment for days.
I've never had much confidence, but when all this began I started to loathe myself and beat myself into the ground. I didn't consider myself worthy of anyone else's time, I didn't want to bother anyone with my issues and so I never talked. I isolated myself in my room, I disconnected myself from other friends I had, and I would be cranky and distant around everyone else. For about two years loneliness was the center of my life.
I've gotten over most of this. Everything changed for me when I grew closer to one of my friends. It was really important for me to be accepted and liked by someone else, because that allowed me to see the good in myself. So compared to then, I'm now doing quite well. I'm also very glad to say that my friend is doing so much better. In the end I don't think there would have been a way for me to help her, it was something she had to get through herself, because for some part she herself might have been the cause of it.
But to this day I still have a lot of trouble socializing. There is still a part of me that's very insecure and scared of doing something wrong. I'm still somehow convinced that people will ignore me and turn their backs on me. It takes me a lot of time before I can trust someone, and get comfortable. And most people aren't that patient.
The insecurity is holding me back from a lot of things, like meeting new people or getting a job. Mostly in school I get very lonely (I don't have much classes with my friends), and I'm afraid it'll be the same when I start college. Especially because then I'll be seperated from all my friends.
I'd do anything to rise above this, and I thought that this forum would be well worth a try.
And if you'll have me, I'd love to try and help you out too.
All in all, I don't think I have much to complain about.
I have awesome friends, a boyfriend, very loving parents and a brother I can really get along with.
Nonetheless I've been through some really tough times. I've experienced things that have changed me a lot, and not for the better.
Now, this might be a bit of a long story, so don't feel obligated to read it.
When I was starting highschool at the age of 12 I got confronted with things that I wasn't at all ready for. My best friend at that time started to sink away in depression. She would cry at school, cut herself, lock herself up in the bathroom and bang her head against the door. She was getting scarily thin, she'd say she was possesed by the devil, diagnose herself with borderline, and she has tried to commit suicide three times.
During all of this I was in a completely powerless position. I tried everything I could to help her, but I never could. I also never understood what the reason was for her depression. It was just there. For being so useless and ignorant I blamed myself constantly. I would also be the one person she would vent her anger on. And about almost everything she would start a fight and give me the silent-treatment for days.
I've never had much confidence, but when all this began I started to loathe myself and beat myself into the ground. I didn't consider myself worthy of anyone else's time, I didn't want to bother anyone with my issues and so I never talked. I isolated myself in my room, I disconnected myself from other friends I had, and I would be cranky and distant around everyone else. For about two years loneliness was the center of my life.
I've gotten over most of this. Everything changed for me when I grew closer to one of my friends. It was really important for me to be accepted and liked by someone else, because that allowed me to see the good in myself. So compared to then, I'm now doing quite well. I'm also very glad to say that my friend is doing so much better. In the end I don't think there would have been a way for me to help her, it was something she had to get through herself, because for some part she herself might have been the cause of it.
But to this day I still have a lot of trouble socializing. There is still a part of me that's very insecure and scared of doing something wrong. I'm still somehow convinced that people will ignore me and turn their backs on me. It takes me a lot of time before I can trust someone, and get comfortable. And most people aren't that patient.
The insecurity is holding me back from a lot of things, like meeting new people or getting a job. Mostly in school I get very lonely (I don't have much classes with my friends), and I'm afraid it'll be the same when I start college. Especially because then I'll be seperated from all my friends.
I'd do anything to rise above this, and I thought that this forum would be well worth a try.
And if you'll have me, I'd love to try and help you out too.
