Unbinilium
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2013
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Greetings all,
I am a nearly 18 year old soon-to-be-a-college student who intends to study Mechanical Engineering with an informal concentration in Biomedical Engineering. I'm also a road cyclist and have graduated from being an nonathletic, studious Chinese student to one that is somewhat athletic (At least I can get to work faster than buses when I'm on a bike). I'm a Christian and a lover of the non-arts (Liberal Arts bore me) and the sciences.
My goal is to pursue a Ph.D in biomedical Engineering after undergraduate work. I want to work in engineering based R&D related to medicine, healthcare, medical tech, biotech, biomechanics, etc. Simply put, I want to work in a field where the fruits of my labor can be put to use improving lives.
I also consider myself to non be physically attractive though I'm working on developing a cyclist's body (lean entire body with lean legs hiding powerful leg muscles and a strong heart and lung). Part of this is due to my previously unfit lifestyle of being sedentary though I'm generally fairly lean with the exception of thighs that have more fat than I'd prefer. But the greatest concern is my face which has acne and acne scars. When I imagine a girlfriend kissing her boyfriend some where on the face or lips, I only think "Who'd want to get near my face? Who'd want to even touch it?" and thus, I feel lonely and a my heart feels heavy yet again. Sometimes, the feeling of heaviness and loneliness is so much that the the pain is no longer emotional pain but almost physical.
While my life can be regarded as a good one due to my having a loving and caring family to support me, I wind up feeling lonely by my own actions or rather, inactions. My shyness and the rareness of my smiles* (which, by the way, are barely perceivable) are isolating factors. More sociable people sometimes come up to me and start a chat but rarely does it last and rarely do they ever talk to me again. The few people that have come back, they're the ones that ended up being my friends.
Frequently, I perceive a "weighted" feeling in the heart region, a sort of feeling of loneliness. There are, however, moments where it doesn't have that feeling.
-Family meals and chats
-When I'm cycling
-When I'm doing volunteer work or any thing that other people find helpful.
-When I get a burst of insight in the stuff I'm studying stuff I love.
-That one time I got hugged*2 by my one female friend*3. Shows of friendliness are nice to receive aren't they?
And that's about it. The rest of my day is boring and the feeling of loneliness persists and sometimes invade other moments that ought to be positive ones.
Of course, I can't spend every waking moment with friends and family especially when I'm off to college so loneliness would be even more of a concern. I want to be able to make more friends and be able to socialize in social situations but I still like to have times of solitude to recover and wind down.
I'm also very shy and have trouble starting conversations with strangers so making friends or making a good first impression is immensely difficult even if everything else from attire to etiquette is flawless.
All in all, I don't consider myself interesting to be with. I feel like I'd probably grow old without ever dating or marrying a great woman who, for obvious reasons and reasonably so, seek a great man to be with rather than settle for less such as little ol' me.
A Lonely Wishlist
A hugging girlfriend coat? Want! Though I'm an anime fan, the female voice that is played through the headphones of the system sounds disturbingly child-like. Creepy... (Some shows just exist to pander to pedophiles I'd suspect...[/align]) But the hugging sensation part of it is cool.
http://geekologie.com/2013/04/girlfriend-coat-gives-the-squeezing-sens.php
________
* It feels very weird to smile and I think my smile is rather unattractive even if my teeth are straight and cleaned. A smile just doesn't feel right. I only smile occasionally and when I do, it's occasionally among friends of whom I have a few good ones (4 to be precise).
*2 Suffice to say, it was an unexpected one at the end of the day. Besides those from parents and relatives, I've never gotten a hug. I was literally frozen eyes visible with surprise, not knowing how to respond.
*3 This in itself was rather surprising. Why would such a nice, friendly, and attractive girl be willing to be friends with a person like me? [/font]
I am a nearly 18 year old soon-to-be-a-college student who intends to study Mechanical Engineering with an informal concentration in Biomedical Engineering. I'm also a road cyclist and have graduated from being an nonathletic, studious Chinese student to one that is somewhat athletic (At least I can get to work faster than buses when I'm on a bike). I'm a Christian and a lover of the non-arts (Liberal Arts bore me) and the sciences.
My goal is to pursue a Ph.D in biomedical Engineering after undergraduate work. I want to work in engineering based R&D related to medicine, healthcare, medical tech, biotech, biomechanics, etc. Simply put, I want to work in a field where the fruits of my labor can be put to use improving lives.
I also consider myself to non be physically attractive though I'm working on developing a cyclist's body (lean entire body with lean legs hiding powerful leg muscles and a strong heart and lung). Part of this is due to my previously unfit lifestyle of being sedentary though I'm generally fairly lean with the exception of thighs that have more fat than I'd prefer. But the greatest concern is my face which has acne and acne scars. When I imagine a girlfriend kissing her boyfriend some where on the face or lips, I only think "Who'd want to get near my face? Who'd want to even touch it?" and thus, I feel lonely and a my heart feels heavy yet again. Sometimes, the feeling of heaviness and loneliness is so much that the the pain is no longer emotional pain but almost physical.
While my life can be regarded as a good one due to my having a loving and caring family to support me, I wind up feeling lonely by my own actions or rather, inactions. My shyness and the rareness of my smiles* (which, by the way, are barely perceivable) are isolating factors. More sociable people sometimes come up to me and start a chat but rarely does it last and rarely do they ever talk to me again. The few people that have come back, they're the ones that ended up being my friends.
Frequently, I perceive a "weighted" feeling in the heart region, a sort of feeling of loneliness. There are, however, moments where it doesn't have that feeling.
-Family meals and chats
-When I'm cycling
-When I'm doing volunteer work or any thing that other people find helpful.
-When I get a burst of insight in the stuff I'm studying stuff I love.
-That one time I got hugged*2 by my one female friend*3. Shows of friendliness are nice to receive aren't they?
And that's about it. The rest of my day is boring and the feeling of loneliness persists and sometimes invade other moments that ought to be positive ones.
Of course, I can't spend every waking moment with friends and family especially when I'm off to college so loneliness would be even more of a concern. I want to be able to make more friends and be able to socialize in social situations but I still like to have times of solitude to recover and wind down.
I'm also very shy and have trouble starting conversations with strangers so making friends or making a good first impression is immensely difficult even if everything else from attire to etiquette is flawless.
All in all, I don't consider myself interesting to be with. I feel like I'd probably grow old without ever dating or marrying a great woman who, for obvious reasons and reasonably so, seek a great man to be with rather than settle for less such as little ol' me.
A Lonely Wishlist
A hugging girlfriend coat? Want! Though I'm an anime fan, the female voice that is played through the headphones of the system sounds disturbingly child-like. Creepy... (Some shows just exist to pander to pedophiles I'd suspect...[/align]) But the hugging sensation part of it is cool.
http://geekologie.com/2013/04/girlfriend-coat-gives-the-squeezing-sens.php
________
* It feels very weird to smile and I think my smile is rather unattractive even if my teeth are straight and cleaned. A smile just doesn't feel right. I only smile occasionally and when I do, it's occasionally among friends of whom I have a few good ones (4 to be precise).
*2 Suffice to say, it was an unexpected one at the end of the day. Besides those from parents and relatives, I've never gotten a hug. I was literally frozen eyes visible with surprise, not knowing how to respond.
*3 This in itself was rather surprising. Why would such a nice, friendly, and attractive girl be willing to be friends with a person like me? [/font]
