RE: Hikikomori
Hello Mimizu, this is the invisible man,
You should write a little short story in crushing detail about that girl on the bench. Very ballesy of you. And I think really interesting. I would've been shocked if she said yes and probably mentally messed up if she did but still the intention and idea behind it was pretty nice and cool. You're Japanese I guess?
I guessing fapping is jerking off? Well that is pointless but still in a ridiculous way fun and the epitome of a temporary satisfaction. One thing about being lonely is at least you don't have to answer to anyone and have loads of free time, might as well have a few orgasms while you’re in that state. On a side note I have this feeling that death feels like an orgasm times 100 unendingly. In the brief moment of coming, for those few seconds on top of the roller coaster riding with its inevitable fast comedown, everything is right with the world. What if there was a way to make your brain produce a mild orgasm in you all the time? What is it dopamine or serotonin? Perhaps that is enlightenment or better than enlightenment, a mild perpetual orgasm. All is right with you the world and everything and everyone. And TRULY no matter what.
Never heard of the term hikikomori. I read on wikkapedia it has something to do with the rigid nature of Japanese culture. That there is so much unhealthy shame and pressure that some young people are terrified of even leaving their parents house for a moment. Is that it or is there a lot more to it?
I have a lot more to babble about but I guess what I really want to say to you directly is,
That that sux. Your situation. If I posted something like your post, which I have and got a reply, which you excitedly click to read and it says something like "quit whining, you got to do something about it, get out there," I would only walk away 10x more depressed. It sux because I wish there as something I could do for you, invite you over, send you something, call, anything. That would be weird b/c I’m a stranger but still. I just feel it sux b/c no one really cares. If you never meet anyone ever will it be a problem for the world, no. Our population isn't hurting for more people and when we try to connect just as friends we are scared of each other and have fragmented narrow interests encouraged by our tailored technology. We are able to shut ourselves away and see only what we want to see which I think is a problem afflicting all of us. We isolate ourselves physically, emotionally, and even intellectually and mentally because we can have such esoteric narrow obsessive interests. You are lonely because of the fact you feel that way, but you are not not not worthless. There is not some predetermined everybody for somebody but you could be somebody's best thing that ever happened to them, he/she might be half way across the world speaking a different language, different age, different everything. You might not be stereotypically the dream he/she is looking (or may be) for but there could be a deep profound connection of you two feel the same way and feel you are connected in a deeper way. My awkwardly spat out point being that there are amazing people out there. I’m not interacting with any right now but I know they are there. No matter how far you go into the depths of depression loneliness pain there is going to be someone there who can make you feel honestly good and you do the same for them. One thing I’ll say, not advice, but something I do which gives me hope.
I live a fairly routine life. If I look forward into it like trying to see probabilities of things and events that might happen that I’ll enjoy the situation looks pretty bleak. But then I think, all the good things that I have in my life came to me completely unforeseen and unexpectedly. Everything that I like in the life, very few things I might add, but the ones that I do, came to me through no way I could have ever ever ever predicted. Things will guran-fuckin'-ted happen to you that you could never no matter how perceptive you think you are could predict or foresee. Life just sometimes happens to you. Maybe you’ll get a disease have to go to the hospital, meet someone there who gives you a job, at that job you meet a love of life, notice "a" love not "the" love because they don't exist. A weak scenario I know but still honeysuckle like that does happen. Pay attention to the stuff that happens to you that you know to yourself you could have never foreseen. Just to remind yourself that wild honeysuckle does happen, unexpected stuff. Like the great quote, "When it rains, it pours"
And your quote,
I've never been kissed or hugged (yes. I haven't even been hugged in my entire life, I am 21).
I’m 22 and in the same boat. Been hugged but that doesn’t mean honeysuckle.
My feeling about hell is don't worry about that honeysuckle, it doesn’t exist. Hell is just an ideological manipulative weapon used by the clergy and governments to keep power and control. It’s a man made invention. Could any "god" be so petty and childish as to desire to punish a little insignificant being over their pathetic insignificant choices for eternity? And something that it created no less. Come on. Give the great being whoever it is a little more credit. A man I once knew gave this analogy once.
We are all bubbles on the ocean. You start to believe you are separate. One day you pop and rejoin the ocean of consciousness or light or god or whatever. This happens over and over again forever.
I like your story and hope to hear from you again, thanks for sharing, you’re great
) when I feel nice which isn't now.
