Hopeless

[J.P.]

I'm 32/male. I'm feeling extremely lonely and tired.

I've had a few friends, but their lives changed and they didn't include me in them. We used to meet every week, now we only meet on birthdays. And they only stay a little time, like they're doing me a big favor.

I've never had a girlfriend. I had an online friend for years that has even more severe loneliness problems. I care a lot about her and for months I made my best effort to reach her, try to start a relationship of any kind with her, but she always evaded me and didn't want to give me any straight answers.

I'm aware she has problems, but she made me feel she'd rather be alone and miserable rather than giving me a break and at least get to know me. She made me feel like I'm less than nothing. It was crushing, it's been like a year and my confidence hasn't recovered.

At least all our talks contributed to her going to a therapist again, now she's on medication and it seems her phobia is better.

I went to a therapist myself, but after 8 months of working my ass off in sessions, letting my guard down, criticising myself, telling her every painful thing in my life and giving her 1/3 of my money, the only advance we made was that I started to pay attention to superficial stuff, like clothes, haircut and such.

Other than that, I became a cynic, it all just convinced me that talking and trying leads to nothing, that nobody cares about me, and in the end they just want to get something from me.

I've always been cheerful and resisted sadness pretty well, but now it's getting very hard.

I'm creative, I like my job and I'm pretty good, but nobody knows or cares.

I work at home, so I stay indoors for weeks at a time. I get to talk so little that I've lost all practice, and when I do, I sound increasingly more awkward and clumsy. My eyes feel tired and sad.

I'm so frustrated because I can see how beautiful life is, but it seems nothing of that is meant for me. I don't know how to communicate with people, I feel like they use a weird unspoken language that I can't understand. No matter what I do, or not do, they hate me.

I wish I didn't give a **** and didn't feel, but I do. I just don't fit in. My position is so pathetic I can't even consider suicide, because I love my parents and that would devastate them.

I'm young, I have lots of projects and my mind is clear, but I'm broken, my body aches and all my energy and strenght is gone. I feel like I'm fading away.

Sorry about the rambling, I believe I'm hopeless and nobody can help me, but I just needed to write something.

 

[J.P.]

nvm

 

[Lilianna]

Have things changed since your first post, are you feeling better now?

I hope so.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Keep us updated.
Don't feel ashamed for expressing yourself. We all feel lonely sometimes.

 

[perfanoff]

You can spin it this way.. you're an adult so you're not supposed to have people care about you (though your parents probably still do), you're supposed to be spreading the love around now

When's the last time you did something good for some kid? Or some elderly? Or will you admit you also discriminate over age, sex, social status, countless other factors. Don't take me wrong though, I'm not saying this as it's a bad thing.

Now if you're picky for who you want to care about and communicate with... everyone else is entitled to the same.

But I'm pretty sure that if you were interested in talking to EVERYONE you'd have a pretty great social life. People like that have a certain, awesome air about them.

Now you can give me the other 2/3 of your money

 

[Okiedokes]

It's great that you reached out on here..that's a wonderful start! I have been there where I have a hard time making conversation with others, and how others seem to just have the right words flow out. If you want to brush up on your communication skills, you can record yourself talking on video and just pretend someone is listening. It eases the pressure since no ones really there..but you can practice. Another way is to go on those chat cam websites and talk with random people on there. It's a great way to get started. It may not be the same as in person but that practice will give you what you need for in person. There's lots of lonely people out there.. don't be ashamed of it if you are.

 

[J.P.]

Hi everyone, thanks for replying.

Lilianna: Since my first post I'm feeling better... tired and bored to death! Doesn't sound too good, but it's much better than desolation and all that.
I'm seeing my therapist again, I don't think she can help me, but it's good to see a friendly face and someone to talk to.

I don't want to be whiny... But it's so hard when you can't function socially. I have a really hard time remembering new names or faces. I can't recognize people until I've seen them like 5 or 10 times, so naturally they feel snubbed if I don't remember them or what their name is. You can imagine my difficulty when joining a group.

WallflowerGirl83: Thanks, I don't feel ashamed, only too tired of feeling lonely and underestimated, and not finding any way to change.

Perfanoff: You're right. But it's hard to spread love when you're love-starved. Depression cripples you, it shows in your eyes, in your impaired speech and lack of confidence. When you're depressed, healthy people avoid you like the plague and make you more depressed, so it's hard to come back.

I wish I could be interested in everyone... The other day I saw a video about Williams syndrome, kids born with it are extremely social, uninhibited and nice. That condition has many problems too, but I for sure envy that trait.

Okiedokes: Thanks for the advice, talking to strangers on chat cam is a good idea but scares me. I'll try to start with something easier.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey J.P. Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

Hope things take a turn for the better for you. Good luck.

Just don't stop trying. Don't give up. There's a lot more out there to life than what you know or have seen for now. It's vast out there. It takes time, patience and really nothing is easy or will come easily. Just chill, take life as it is, be happy and grateful with what makes you happy and satisfied. Do things that will make you feel better within yourself. Continue being positive. I feel that things happen for a reason and if you give out much positivity, it'll bring back the same for you some time soon.

 

[J.P.]

Ladyforsaken: Thanks, I'll try to get better. I've always been cheerful and positive, so this is all new to me, I'm not feeling myself.

My problem is I've isolated myself for five years to work in some books (I draw comics), and neglected my social life. During all that time I felt very motivated with my work, but now I've finished I feel a big void, I find I have nearly no friends, no relationship, and don't even know where to start.

 

[Rosebolt]

Do you think you could move the focus you previously put into your work, into what you now seem to long for? Social interaction? If you have determination to work on books for 5 years straight then you are one of the more powerful people in the world, trust me. It would only take probably less then a half of that dedication to find you good friends who look out for you, share your interest, have a laugh with, and so on and so forth.

I realize that after 5 years of isolation, it is hard to know where to even begin looking, so to speak, but we can help with that! We're here for you if you need us. Though i must admit i'm kind of blaming myself for not spotting your thread earlier, before you bumped it, so to speak.

But believe me when i say i have alot of respect for someone who has so much determination and discipline, i really mean that, and i will do my best to help you on your journey!

 

[quintus]

You wrote: No matter what I do or say, "they" hate me. Are you sure about this? Or is this a statement out of pure desolation? Why would "they" hate you? "They" are probably not caring for you. Or "they" find you insignificant. But hate? Why do you think you deserve such a strong reaction? You know- love and hate are pretty much on the same level of intensity. In fact it's nearly the same thing, in a way. I think. And I could imagine that your idea of "them" hating you is nothing but a reflexion on how you see yourself. Well, I'm definitely not a specialist. Just try to understand.
Anyway- I hope you will overcome this sad situation.

 

[J.P.]

Rosebolt: Thank you for your kind words, actually I think part of the reason I managed to do it is because I was (am?) so scared of the outside world that I concentrated in something I felt comfortable with, and that I could control.

But over the years I've put too many expectations into it: I hoped it would earn me income to become independent, and validation of my worth as an artist, and opportunities to have people approach me, and so on.

I just submitted the books to editors, so I'm not likely to have any response in months. Meanwhile my plan was to keep working in new ideas I've got, but instead I have crashed. I'm out of energy, I need to do something about my social life.

Thanks again, I don't think I can do it alone, so I really appreciate your help! (and everyone's)

 

[Rosebolt]

Rosebolt: Thank you for your kind words, actually I think part of the reason I managed to do it is because I was (am?) so scared of the outside world that I concentrated in something I felt comfortable with, and that I could control.

But over the years I've put too many expectations into it: I hoped it would earn me income to become independent, and validation of my worth as an artist, and opportunities to have people approach me, and so on.

I just submitted the books to editors, so I'm not likely to have any response in months. Meanwhile my plan was to keep working in new ideas I've got, but instead I have crashed. I'm out of energy, I need to do something about my social life.

Thanks again, I don't think I can do it alone, so I really appreciate your help! (and everyone's)

It's good of you to look at yourself and see that you are apperantly using the books as a hiding mechanism, so to speak. That is the first step, so believe it or not, you have already taken a big step towards getting a better social life!

Sometimes in life you just need other people to help you out, there is no shame in that at all, as i said i'm willing to help! And i'm sure many other people on here are too!

 

[lolgirl]

Could like just stop sucking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[J.P.]

Could like just stop sucking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish life would stop sucking, is that what you meant?

 

[lolgirl]

yes, it is exactly what I meant, lol.
Thanks!

 

[J.P.]

yes, it is exactly what I meant, lol.
Thanks!

Ah I'm glad, I was worried it meant that *I* could stop sucking already, which is true too, but would have been a bit rough haha

 

[lolgirl]

funny,

 

[Misanthrope23]

I'm 32/male. I'm feeling extremely lonely and tired.

I've had a few friends, but their lives changed and they didn't include me in them. We used to meet every week, now we only meet on birthdays. And they only stay a little time, like they're doing me a big favor.

I've never had a girlfriend. I had an online friend for years that has even more severe loneliness problems. I care a lot about her and for months I made my best effort to reach her, try to start a relationship of any kind with her, but she always evaded me and didn't want to give me any straight answers.

I'm aware she has problems, but she made me feel she'd rather be alone and miserable rather than giving me a break and at least get to know me. She made me feel like I'm less than nothing. It was crushing, it's been like a year and my confidence hasn't recovered.

At least all our talks contributed to her going to a therapist again, now she's on medication and it seems her phobia is better.

I went to a therapist myself, but after 8 months of working my ass off in sessions, letting my guard down, criticising myself, telling her every painful thing in my life and giving her 1/3 of my money, the only advance we made was that I started to pay attention to superficial stuff, like clothes, haircut and such.

Other than that, I became a cynic, it all just convinced me that talking and trying leads to nothing, that nobody cares about me, and in the end they just want to get something from me.

I've always been cheerful and resisted sadness pretty well, but now it's getting very hard.

I'm creative, I like my job and I'm pretty good, but nobody knows or cares.

I work at home, so I stay indoors for weeks at a time. I get to talk so little that I've lost all practice, and when I do, I sound increasingly more awkward and clumsy. My eyes feel tired and sad.

I'm so frustrated because I can see how beautiful life is, but it seems nothing of that is meant for me. I don't know how to communicate with people, I feel like they use a weird unspoken language that I can't understand. No matter what I do, or not do, they hate me.

I wish I didn't give a **** and didn't feel, but I do. I just don't fit in. My position is so pathetic I can't even consider suicide, because I love my parents and that would devastate them.

I'm young, I have lots of projects and my mind is clear, but I'm broken, my body aches and all my energy and strenght is gone. I feel like I'm fading away.

Sorry about the rambling, I believe I'm hopeless and nobody can help me, but I just needed to write something.

i know how you feel man.