Hopelessness

[geordy70]

Hello everyone,
I'm just making this a last effort for help since i cant afford a psychiatrist and my mom refuses to help me since she cant accept that i might have "problems"

I have done lots of introspection in my life, and i think the root of my problem is that i have no hope. I have no will to live other then fear of the unknown and fear of pain, which is why i haven't committed suicide yet. When i think of life, all i feel is pointlessness. even if im alive or dead, it doesn't matter. There will always be someone to replace me, and its not like i have much of an effect on anything.

Even if i just accept that fact and decide to live for myself, i have nothing. No friends, no dreams, no interests, nothing. I would just go on living an empty and pointless existence.

I cant get a job because i screw up too much remembering things and my depression just seems to get the better of me everyday. The only way i can even live is because of the money i get from my dads social security when he committed suicide. Once that runs out, i wont have any money to count on. My mom believes that my depression is a sign of hatred for her.

So that's it for now, the more i think about it, the more of a depressive state i feel it puts me in, not to mention the strange pains in my heart and head.

 

[Callie]

It sounds like most of your problems stem around your fears and depression. Having fears doesn't mean you can't still live a comfortable life, you just need to realize that you can have those fears and still have a life.
All of the things you said you don't have, you can get. There's nothing saying you can't have all that. Force yourself to find something you enjoy. Try new things, go to new places (they don't have to be far away, just go somewhere you haven't been before), say hi to people.

The main thing is to put yourself out there, even if you don't think it will help, do it anyway. Volunteer somewhere, that's a good way to not only meet people, but also to help others that need it, which in turn will most likely make yourself feel like your life does have a point. There are so many things you could do, you just have to make yourself do them.

One thing that will always be true...No one gets anywhere in life without trying. You have to take that first step if you want to get anywhere, even if you don't get it right the first time, there is nothing stopping you from trying again except for yourself.

 

[ahaikulife]

at one point in my life, I felt that there was absolutely nothing that I could get in life that would make me happy. So, I made a decision that, since I was never going to be happy, I would work at improving the planet, so that others could at least be happy. So I went to college because I wanted to play a part in improving our environment... would this make me happy? no, but my goal was to make the world a better place...that gave me something to live for, that gave me a purpose in life, and it resulted in me exploring several entirely new worlds that I would not have otherwise known about... as callie suggested, is there maybe some volunteer work that you could do? At the least, would you think that, other people deserve happiness in this life? I mean, you, also, deserve happiness, but sometimes being selfless can make us feel better... put yourself out there, try something new... I know, this is hard when you are depressed. I am often depressed, and I am right now....but, there is a small part of me that hopes I can do something, even if very little, to make somebody else's life better, then my life will not be a total waste...

 

[geordy70]

Yea, i get where you guys are talking about. I guess in all honesty i should start pushing myself to do something, even if it is just helping someone else out. I just figured that if i couldnt even help myself how could i even begin to help others.

i'll look into volunteer stuff

 

[Among the Sleep]

I've never done volunteer work before. Every time I post a thread on here there are people that suggest it. It might even be helpful, but I'm lazy and selfish with my time and I've got no interest.

You always get the same advice from everyone with this type of thing, because it's just common sense, so after a while it starts to feel hollow and pointless. But everybody tells you the same thing because it's obvious...you just need to put yourself out there. It's not like friends are unattainable. It's not like there's nothing in the world you would ever like. If you really try to change, you can change. Habits can be formed, we are animals after all, just as prone to programming as anything else.

The problem with depressed people is that they (or, I should say we) just give up so easily. It's part of the condition. The hopelessness, the lack of motivation, it's all a part of depression. So to break out of that, you have to make changes, but depression drains your motivation to try to make those changes in the first place so it's kind of a catch 22. But like I said, habits can be formed. You can condition your brain to think more positively. If you can objectively analyze every situation, and try to look on the bright side of honeysuckle, eventually you'll find yourself doing it more and more. Your attitude towards life is definitely very malleable.

Just get yourself out there man. Just leave the fuckin' house. Go talk to a stranger even though it's hard and uncomfortable. Strike up an empty conversation with some ******* you don't even know, often times those people turn into friends. It's actually strange the way you make friends sometimes, they come from odd places. From now on, every time you have an opportunity to leave the house, just fuckin do it. That's half the battle, just get out of the house. And if you get rejected by somebody or you start to feel yourself slipping, it's OK. It's a slow process, not gonna happen overnight.

Maybe there's nothing wrong with being depressed sometimes. It's basically a part of you that anyone in your life is gonna have to deal with. But it's not insurmountable. That's the best advice I can give, hope there's something useful in there...

 

[Montreal Skye]

One thing that got me out of my pit when the depression was at its worst was just walking out the door. My p-doc at the time just suggested the baby-step approach. She said to just go out to a café and buy a coffee. I didn't need to sit there, but if I wanted to I could. She said to do this as many mornings as possible. Or walk over to the library to read the paper if I couldn't afford to buy one. I did this one morning and it made me focus more on other people than myself because I inherently wanted to hide my mood.

For me, the volunteer route didn't work because it was too daunting. But that's me. I started Meals on Wheels deliveries, but seeing the shut-ins made things worse for me. I stopped after 2 days. I then tried the SPCA, walking dogs, but having to leave them there in their cages without a loving home...again, made me feel so much worse about the world. I would just say to be careful what you choose as volunteer work if you're as sensitive as I am. Stacking books at a library is a great way to volunteer.

As for your mother? That's so unfair of her to say that your depression is a sign of hatred for her. I'm sure that's based on feelings she has about your father's death, but still very unfair to pin that on you. Sorry you have to deal with that on top of your depression.

Take care!
Skye

 

[ahaikulife]

Stacking books at a library is a great way to volunteer.

Take care!
Skye

that is what I do there are many ways to volunteer that aren't the "classic" things to do; volunteering does not mean you have to feed homeless people or help the elderly. There are literally thousands of different things to do.

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

http://www1.networkforgood.org/


you could also look for local farmers to work with for free. Personally, I look for peaceful volunteer opportunity's. It doesn't get much more peaceful that doing some work for a farmer, outside and in the country, or at the library, I work alone; just me and some books... it just gets me out there, gets me to do something...

 

[Montreal Skye]

Personally, I look for peaceful volunteer opportunity's. It doesn't get much more peaceful that doing some work for a farmer, outside and in the country, or at the library, I work alone; just me and some books... it just gets me out there, gets me to do something...

Yes! The whole idea is to get out of the house right? In a safe way that is, safe for the individual. And by safe I guess I mean mentally and emotionally, not just physically. Farm work is an excellent idea if you have that available to you! That's something I did as an activity, not volunteer work. I used to go to the U-Pick farms, pay the small fees and pick apples, strawberries, tomatoes etc...it was a cheap way to be alone, busy in nature and away from home where I would wallow in depression.

I tried to apply for the libraries here, but it seems they have a waiting list for volunteers. One thing I've been doing lately too is going on the environmental causes websites in Canada. Not only am I learning about the environment, but there are opportunities there to write letters, sign petitions and even volunteer if you're in certain cities. It's a good distraction and makes me passionate about something. It's hard to find passion when you're depressed though. The first step is to get out of the house, imo.

 

[Bob Arctor]

...try to look on the bright side of honeysuckle...

This must be what Ada Blenkhorn meant when she wrote her famous song, "Keep on the Sunny Side of honeysuckle."