How do you find a girlfriend?

[el Jay]

(read this topic for background on me)

This isn't a generic "how do I get girlfriend" topic (or maybe it is - you decide), though there are specific aspects of it I struggle with.

First... how do you meet women, anyways? I mentioned in my topic that I don't really get out much, for various reasons. But even if I did, and I had somewhere to go (maybe something relating to an interest or hobby?), how would I look for someone? How do people go about it?

One thing I struggle with is a somewhat odd fear, wherein I fear the girl already being in a relationship much, much more than outright rejection. Is there any way to figure this out beforehand (presence of a wedding band aside)? I'm somewhat shy around strangers, so it's difficult enough to approach someone and strike up a conversation. Then there's the issue that it feels like every girl I'm at all interested in (or would be, even) already has a relationship. That fear is by far the biggest crippling part of my apparent inability to ask girls out.

And even then, rejection obviously isn't pleasant, whether they're in a relationship or not. I just don't have the confidence and courage to "keep trying" until I get one, because despite outwardly appearing confident, I'm not, and even a couple rejections end up weighing on my mind and utterly destroy me.

And honestly, all of this plays on one of my biggest issues: that I feel like I have no place in the world. How this relates to the relationship issue is that it makes me feel like asking a girl out would be encroaching on her. Like she's perfectly happy as she is, so she wouldn't have any interest in me, and she'd get mad at me for even trying. I literally cannot imagine any given girl actually WANTING to go out with me, no matter how compatible we could be.

I blame that on my last girlfriend, who was awesome enough to fall in love with initially, but then became twisted and depressed and basically ruined my ability to feel like anyone in the world could ever possibly love me, or want to be with me.


I really don't know what I'm looking for my posting this... suggestions, maybe? Tips for how to get around some of my issues? I'm so very tired of being single and alone while others get to have their relationships and their life. I've had to watch as everyone around me got to do that while I was either single, or stuck in an effectively loveless (for me) long-distance relationship for all of my 20s. I just want something that it seems so many people people have found: is that so wrong?

 

[Cucuboth]

I wish I knew how to meet women too! I've tried dating and friendship websites. Interest and hobby groups. School, University, Adult Education classes. Work and volunteering. When I had a dog, I used to take her for long, long walks, because I heard that that was a good way to spark off a conversation. All it did was exhaust her as much as did me. It might sound like a rather selfish thing to do, but I've even volunteered to take my nephews (ranging in age from 7 to 18 months) to the park and to swimming, in the hope that that might be a way to at least meet a woman to start talking with. But the best I get is to be told to get lost ... although, in much more colourful language than that (even once in front of my nephews, after which the eldest one then promptly repeated it in front of his mother). I haven't had anything that could be considered a date since 1996, and that didn't go well. I haven't talked to a woman on a friendly level, face-to-face, since the year 2000 ... and that was brief, and even after that she didn't talk to me ever again. The only contact with women I have now is the simple commercial transactions in shops, or occasionaly when I've had a female therapist. I admit that I am shy. I find it difficult to start conversations, and often have long pauses. I think about what I'm going to say, rather than just say something for the sake of hearing a sound come out my mouth. I'm a better listener than a talker, I suppose.

Like you I just feel that I don't belong in this world. I don't fit in anywhere. Or with anyone. I've tried to be myself, and I've tried to act like someone else. I've tried to 'fake it until I made it', but just ended up being called fake, and feeling like I was lying to myself as much as anyone else. I've tried to think positive, walk around with a smile. And I've tried to engross myself in so many things, to try and not think about it. To try and not feel lonely. But none of it has helped.

I just long to find someone to share things with. To share a walk with, to talk with. To go to a movie and a meal with. To go to museums and art galleries with. To go to craft markets with. Someone to share my photography with. Not just the photos after I've taken them, but someone to go out and find things to take photos of with. Tonight we had a really brilliant summer sunset, and I intended to take some photos of it, but I found myself just sitting there, wanting to share this simple moment with someone. To share 1 sunset with someone. To have someone to hold. To feel the presence and touch of another person.

For most of my life, I've been told that it's wrong for me to want any of these things. I've also been told that there is nothing wrong in wanting it, but, there IS something wrong in me ever having and experiencing these things. I've been told that I would just have to pay for it, weather it is for intimate contact, or even something like watching a sunset. I've been told that I have to be alone. But I see so many people find someone, so many people have a 2nd chance, and a 3rd chance, and sometimes a 4th, and a 5th, and even more. And all I want is a 1st chance.

I don't know what to do either.

 

[Badjedidude]

It's actually pretty simple.

Go out, visit all sorts of different places, and talk to random women.

Eventually you'll run into a girl that likes hanging with you or talking to you, and you can go on from there.

 

[PyramidHead]

It's actually pretty simple.

Go out, visit all sorts of different places, and talk to random women.

Eventually you'll run into a girl that likes hanging with you or talking to you, and you can go on from there.

Kinda sad, but very true. It's like rolling a dice every time you make contact to a women... you never know what you get. But the more you roll, the higher the chances get to have exactly that number, that you want to get.

But for shy people, it's not like using a normal dice, but more like using D&D dices... the complex ones... like d20... or maybe they should create a d100 for us.

 

[Badjedidude]

But the more you roll, the higher the chances get to have exactly that number, that you want to get.

Exactly this.

There's no special trick to meeting women. Just talk to them. It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable or awkward doing so -- just keep trying. And eventually either you'll get better at talking to women or you'll run into a woman who thinks your shyness is cute.

It's absolutely a numbers game.

Don't focus on one woman right off the bat; talk to as many as possible. Eventually one will find interest in you.

 

[PyramidHead]

There's no special trick to meeting women. Just talk to them. It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable or awkward doing so -- just keep trying. And eventually either you'll get better at talking to women or you'll run into a woman who thinks your shyness is cute.

It's absolutely a numbers game.

Don't focus on one woman right off the bat; talk to as many as possible. Eventually one will find interest in you.

You Sir seem to be a dating god... I'm unworthy!

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Haha, no.

I just don't give up, that's all.

 

[TomTam]

But the more you roll, the higher the chances get to have exactly that number, that you want to get.

Exactly this.

There's no special trick to meeting women. Just talk to them. It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable or awkward doing so -- just keep trying. And eventually either you'll get better at talking to women or you'll run into a woman who thinks your shyness is cute.

It's absolutely a numbers game.

Don't focus on one woman right off the bat; talk to as many as possible. Eventually one will find interest in you.

The game is: once she finds out you're interested in getting to know her, she tries to avoid it, and vice versa, try to avoid her, she shows interest in you, girls are sometimes complicated.

 

[duff]

with great difficulty

 

[Badjedidude]

The game is: once she finds out you're interested in getting to know her, she tries to avoid it, and vice versa, try to avoid her, she shows interest in you, girls are sometimes complicated

Eh, they're not THAT complicated. Just don't smother them by calling every hour. Or even every day. Women like men who have lives and are doing things with their lives; it's OK to sometimes just be too busy to talk to them.

Besides, sometimes women enjoy the anticipation of having a phone call more than they enjoy the actual phone call itself.

Women are pretty big on anticipation.

 

[TomTam]

Besides, sometimes women enjoy the anticipation of having a phone call more than they enjoy the actual phone call itself.

Women are pretty big on anticipation.

That's it, the conclusion, thanks

 

[el Jay]

All of this "advice" is well and good, I'm sure, except it doesn't really address my problems. I do go out to some places, and I do meet women.

But one big problem is, the women I do meet seem to almost always be in a relationship. This has been a big problem, and makes talking to random women into a minefield, because I don't know how to ask girls out in a way that won't make me die of embarrassment if they turn out to already have someone (and no one seems able to give me advice on how to do so). It also makes me feel even shittier because they all have a relationship and I still don't.

If I try to get to know them better, they just friendzone me. They never get interested in me as a potential relationship. It seems like they have their own life, and I have mine, and they have no interest in mingling the two besides just being casual friends. That's why I tend to have such a defeatist view towards asking women out in normal circumstances; they never show any interest in me whatsoever (not to mention my success rate at asking girls out over my entire life is currently 0%).

So what do I do, just go out to every place I can possibly go and just ask out every single woman at every place until one eventually says yes? Because that seems like it'd get me labeled as a creeper pretty quickly.

 

[Badjedidude]

But one big problem is, the women I do meet seem to almost always be in a relationship. This has been a big problem, and makes talking to random women into a minefield, because I don't know how to ask girls out in a way that won't make me die of embarrassment if they turn out to already have someone (and no one seems able to give me advice on how to do so). It also makes me feel even shittier because they all have a relationship and I still don't.

Why is it embarrassing? Because they turn you down? Because you supposed to have magically KNOWN that they were taken?

Don't worry about this too much. If they tell you they're already with some other guy, just shrug your shoulders and walk off. Maybe tell them, "That's too bad," and have that be the end of it. There's no shame in finding out that a woman's already taken. The shame is in NOT asking at all.

If I try to get to know them better, they just friendzone me. They never get interested in me as a potential relationship. It seems like they have their own life, and I have mine, and they have no interest in mingling the two besides just being casual friends. That's why I tend to have such a defeatist view towards asking women out in normal circumstances; they never show any interest in me whatsoever (not to mention my success rate at asking girls out over my entire life is currently 0%).

I guess I could make a reference to the anecdote about Edison and the lightbulb here, couldn't I? How many different filaments did he experiment with before finding out what works best in a lightbulb? I forget, but it was a fresia of a lot.

My point is... never give up. Just keep putting yourself out there, and to EVERY woman you meet. Eventually you WILL find one that will become interested in you.

There's no special trick, man. Just be yourself and never give up.

So what do I do, just go out to every place I can possibly go and just ask out every single woman at every place until one eventually says yes? Because that seems like it'd get me labeled as a creeper pretty quickly.

That's EXACTLY what I'm saying that you should do.

It only makes you a creeper if you're doing it in a creepy way, like following women around and literally asking EVERY woman one by one in the same few minutes.

I don't necessarily mean that you should ask out every woman you see... but it doesn't hurt to TALK to every woman you see. Just say hi, have some chitchat about the ******* weather or something. Tell them you like their dress. Anything. And if a conversation starts, then you have somewhere to start.

Rinse, repeat. Start over. Keep doing it.

 

[JackAceDaniels]

Just make yourself very noticeably available, girls seem to have more of a way of finding you and it's never that hard to tell if a girl you're talking to is interested in you, just make sure you have something interesting to talk to her about rather than the 1 liners such as "huh, yeah, hi" also don't speak as if one of your pets have just died, make sure your voice sounds like it is full of life and happy to be speaking to the girl you're talking to and don't speak vulgarly.

I knew 1 person who was always complaining about not having a girlfriend and was always blaming the girls, even though he smelled awful and i assume hardly ever washed.

 

[Veruca]

All of this "advice" is well and good, I'm sure, except it doesn't really address my problems. I do go out to some places, and I do meet women.

But one big problem is, the women I do meet seem to almost always be in a relationship. This has been a big problem, and makes talking to random women into a minefield, because I don't know how to ask girls out in a way that won't make me die of embarrassment if they turn out to already have someone (and no one seems able to give me advice on how to do so). It also makes me feel even shittier because they all have a relationship and I still don't.

If I try to get to know them better, they just friendzone me. They never get interested in me as a potential relationship. It seems like they have their own life, and I have mine, and they have no interest in mingling the two besides just being casual friends. That's why I tend to have such a defeatist view towards asking women out in normal circumstances; they never show any interest in me whatsoever (not to mention my success rate at asking girls out over my entire life is currently 0%).

So what do I do, just go out to every place I can possibly go and just ask out every single woman at every place until one eventually says yes? Because that seems like it'd get me labeled as a creeper pretty quickly.

Hey el Jay,

I agree with Badjedidude...dating is a numbers game. You have to keep trying. It seems that every guy I ever meet is in a relationship/not interested in me/is only looking for a one night stand/wants to change me into something he wants etc. But I am not ready to give up yet

Meeting lots of women is not creepy as long as you know how to do it. For example, if you meet woman A in a club and get to talking. You find out she's got a bf, don't immediately stop the convo and find someone else. She'll probably have a really bad impression of you.

Instead, carry on the conversation very casually and just be friendly. After a bit, tell her you've had a great time etc and go to another part of the club and chat someone else. The key is to be very casual and friendly, not like you're going in there for the kill...yet

You never know, woman A might have a single friend and might introduce her to you instead?

Its not always about asking a girl out immediately, sometimes its just about meeting people. Expanding your social circle.

And there's nothing wrong with being single. If I met an awesome single guy, I'm not going to be thinking, "Oh crap, he's single, something must be wrong with him." I'm thinking, "Holy crap, I got lucky!" - that's girls for you

So keep trying! Don't be disappointed if a girl wants to be friends first - just keep her from friendzoning you by continuing to flirt/hint etc. And believe me, friendzoning isn't the end either. I know plenty of women who ended up with guys they friendzoned.

Good luck!!

 

[el Jay]

Why is it embarrassing? Because they turn you down? Because you supposed to have magically KNOWN that they were taken?

Don't worry about this too much. If they tell you they're already with some other guy, just shrug your shoulders and walk off. Maybe tell them, "That's too bad," and have that be the end of it. There's no shame in finding out that a woman's already taken. The shame is in NOT asking at all.

I don't know why it's embarrassing, it just is. I mention in my other topic that it's a huge problem for me, and that because of being bullied so much in school, I now have a very irrational fear of retaliation by other people for not knowing something (even if there's no way I could've known), because they often went out of their way to give me honeysuckle for it, just for the sake of making me miserable.

But I was asking something more along the lines of, how should I even approach a girl and show interest in her if I don't know if she's in a relationship? Because I honestly don't know how to talk to girls outside of just.... normal talking, I guess. I don't know how to do whatever it is when you're specifically flirting with them, or trying to ask them out or whatever. And if it's the same as talking to them casually because you're in a class together or something, then I need to know what else I need to do to direct it towards asking out.

I guess I could make a reference to the anecdote about Edison and the lightbulb here, couldn't I? How many different filaments did he experiment with before finding out what works best in a lightbulb? I forget, but it was a fresia of a lot.

My point is... never give up. Just keep putting yourself out there, and to EVERY woman you meet. Eventually you WILL find one that will become interested in you.

There's no special trick, man. Just be yourself and never give up.

I am myself, and based on what friends have told me when asked, much more sociable and nice and outgoing than I feel like I actually am. When I'm out somewhere, I'm not some noticeable social recluse who never talks to people and hides in the corner (as much as the amount of anxiety I feel makes me think I should be, or am).

That's EXACTLY what I'm saying that you should do.

It only makes you a creeper if you're doing it in a creepy way, like following women around and literally asking EVERY woman one by one in the same few minutes.

I don't necessarily mean that you should ask out every woman you see... but it doesn't hurt to TALK to every woman you see. Just say hi, have some chitchat about the ******* weather or something. Tell them you like their dress. Anything. And if a conversation starts, then you have somewhere to start.

How do people get the courage to do this, though? I'm a rather introverted person, so even though I appear to others as confident and sociable, I'm not really, at least to me. And this makes it extremely difficult for me to just go and talk to random people about random things.

Though I have problems with failure in general, regardless of how many tries it took Edison to make a light bulb. Too many times in my life I've poured tons of time and energy into something (hobby projects, work, and even my last girlfriend) and it's ended up failing terribly, for reasons outside my control, and leaving me with nothing to show for it except being that much more exhausted with life and disillusioned with the idea that hard work pays off. Hell, with my ex-girlfriend, I didn't even have the benefit of having a rebound, or friends to help me work past her. I just had to bite the bullet and suffer for the several months until it didn't hurt to the point I was paralyzed anymore.

Just make yourself very noticeably available, girls seem to have more of a way of finding you and it's never that hard to tell if a girl you're talking to is interested in you, just make sure you have something interesting to talk to her about rather than the 1 liners such as "huh, yeah, hi" also don't speak as if one of your pets have just died, make sure your voice sounds like it is full of life and happy to be speaking to the girl you're talking to and don't speak vulgarly.

I knew 1 person who was always complaining about not having a girlfriend and was always blaming the girls, even though he smelled awful and i assume hardly ever washed.

I have trouble believing this. I make myself as available as I can (unless I'm missing some trick to making it even more obvious). I have an easy time talking to people who talk to me first, and can pretty easily hold a conversation unless the person is utterly boring or we have nothing in common (same thing as far as I'm concerned, honestly). I take care of myself and am careful of my appearance (I shower almost every day, basically). As morose and dejected as I may sound on here, I'm completely different in person when out in public (which is honestly surprising to me, but pretty much everyone I know tells me I seem outgoing, friendly, cheerful, etc.)

Hey el Jay,

I agree with Badjedidude...dating is a numbers game. You have to keep trying. It seems that every guy I ever meet is in a relationship/not interested in me/is only looking for a one night stand/wants to change me into something he wants etc. But I am not ready to give up yet

Meeting lots of women is not creepy as long as you know how to do it. For example, if you meet woman A in a club and get to talking. You find out she's got a bf, don't immediately stop the convo and find someone else. She'll probably have a really bad impression of you.

Instead, carry on the conversation very casually and just be friendly. After a bit, tell her you've had a great time etc and go to another part of the club and chat someone else. The key is to be very casual and friendly, not like you're going in there for the kill...yet

Well, the problem there is I'm not a club person. They're basically the antithesis of the sort of place I'd enjoy going to. But they're one of the only suggestions for where to meet women anyone ever gives (aside from bars, which are basically the same thing as far as I'm concerned).

You never know, woman A might have a single friend and might introduce her to you instead?

This never happens to me, ever. Even though my friends know I'm single and looking, no one ever suggests that they know someone who they could introduce me to. In fact, no one ever goes out of their way to do anything for me, really, aside from saying "hi" when they see me.

So what should I do? Just go and ask them "Hey, do you have any single friends you might introduce me to?" Because that just seems really forward (and they probably don't have any, either).

And there's nothing wrong with being single. If I met an awesome single guy, I'm not going to be thinking, "Oh crap, he's single, something must be wrong with him." I'm thinking, "Holy crap, I got lucky!" - that's girls for you

So keep trying! Don't be disappointed if a girl wants to be friends first - just keep her from friendzoning you by continuing to flirt/hint etc. And believe me, friendzoning isn't the end either. I know plenty of women who ended up with guys they friendzoned.

There's nothing wrong with it except I hate being single.

And to be honest, I don't really know how to flirt. I mentioned in my other topic that I was forced to miss most of the learning about social interactions that happens as a teenager, and as a result, I literally don't know how to approach women, or flirt, or anything like that. And it's the one area I've learned basically nothing in over the past 7 or so years as well, unlike general social interaction.

All of the "just talk to girls, flirt a bit, make yourself seem available" type talk is useless to me because I don't know how to actually do it. I was hoping for more detailed advice than the usual "just do it!" style advice most people seem to give.

 

[Veruca]

Okay, so what you're really looking for is specifics.

Clubs are just one of the many examples. I personally only go to the clubs to dance and generally don't make it a point to trust any of the guys there who hit on me mainly because from experience they all only want one thing. That said, don't write anything off. Clubbing may not be your thing but through 6 degrees of seperation, you never know who you might meet. My cousin is happily married to a guy she met at a club. She loves clubbing and he hates it. He was there only because it was his friend's birthday party. They're madly in love now.

But there are tonnes of other places, bookshops, coffee shops, jazz clubs, boardgame meetups, any number of learning classes (language, cooking etc), volunteering, parks. Really, there is not shortage of where one can meet people. Even if none of these places seem appealing, they are opportunities for you to practice meeting people at least. Don't be discouraged to try.

Okay, so flirting takes some practice and lots of confidence. Look at it this way, to the rest of the world, you're a pretty good catch, but you don't feel that way inside. So work on that. Some people have to change their entire personality to get noticed, get a makeover, a new face even. Whatever it takes to get the job done basically. Maybe you can try joining a boxing club (not to beat the crap out of people but it seems to help with confidence, even for girls). Google up other ways to build confidence.

Flirting isn't as daunting as it seems. So let's try a scenario.

You're at the bookshop and you see a pretty girl. Pretend to browse the section near her and then casually look at her. If she looks back and smiles, then its a sign for you to talk. If not, then make her look at you. If she's holding a book, ask her if its interesting. If not, ask her to suggest a title. If she seems really disinterested. Say, thanks for your help, smile and walk away.

If she's pleasant, then talk about any number of other things. Do you come here often? Where do you usually go for good books? What do you like to read? And then maybe tell her at some point that she has pretty eyes or hair. If you're doing well, then ask her if she has someplace to be, and if you want to find out if she has a bf, "So do you have a boyfriend to meet you later?" If she says yes, then you can always laugh and say, "Well it was worth a try, I can't help noticing how pretty you are"

If she's single (yay!), ask her if she wants to go for coffee.

Some other things you can do that count as flirting:

1. Pretend that there's something in her hair and say, "There's something in your hair, mind if I?"
2. Maintain longer eye contact
3. If she needs help out of the car or something, hold your hand out for her.
4. Google is your bestfriend. Plus corny romance flicks. Learn and apply!

Does this help?

 

[JasonM]

First... how do you meet women, anyways?

Well when I was kid I use to catch rabbits with a stick, a reel of twine, a carrot and an overturned box. Perhaps you can catch a vegetarian that way.

 

[TomTam]

Okay, so what you're really looking for is specifics.

Clubs are just one of the many examples. I personally only go to the clubs to dance and generally don't make it a point to trust any of the guys there who hit on me mainly because from experience they all only want one thing. That said, don't write anything off. Clubbing may not be your thing but through 6 degrees of seperation, you never know who you might meet. My cousin is happily married to a guy she met at a club. She loves clubbing and he hates it. He was there only because it was his friend's birthday party. They're madly in love now.

But there are tonnes of other places, bookshops, coffee shops, jazz clubs, boardgame meetups, any number of learning classes (language, cooking etc), volunteering, parks. Really, there is not shortage of where one can meet people. Even if none of these places seem appealing, they are opportunities for you to practice meeting people at least. Don't be discouraged to try.

Okay, so flirting takes some practice and lots of confidence. Look at it this way, to the rest of the world, you're a pretty good catch, but you don't feel that way inside. So work on that. Some people have to change their entire personality to get noticed, get a makeover, a new face even. Whatever it takes to get the job done basically. Maybe you can try joining a boxing club (not to beat the crap out of people but it seems to help with confidence, even for girls). Google up other ways to build confidence.

Flirting isn't as daunting as it seems. So let's try a scenario.

You're at the bookshop and you see a pretty girl. Pretend to browse the section near her and then casually look at her. If she looks back and smiles, then its a sign for you to talk. If not, then make her look at you. If she's holding a book, ask her if its interesting. If not, ask her to suggest a title. If she seems really disinterested. Say, thanks for your help, smile and walk away.

If she's pleasant, then talk about any number of other things. Do you come here often? Where do you usually go for good books? What do you like to read? And then maybe tell her at some point that she has pretty eyes or hair. If you're doing well, then ask her if she has someplace to be, and if you want to find out if she has a bf, "So do you have a boyfriend to meet you later?" If she says yes, then you can always laugh and say, "Well it was worth a try, I can't help noticing how pretty you are"

If she's single (yay!), ask her if she wants to go for coffee.

Some other things you can do that count as flirting:

1. Pretend that there's something in her hair and say, "There's something in your hair, mind if I?"
2. Maintain longer eye contact
3. If she needs help out of the car or something, hold your hand out for her.
4. Google is your bestfriend. Plus corny romance flicks. Learn and apply!

Does this help?

Excellent

 

[el Jay]

Flirting isn't as daunting as it seems. So let's try a scenario.

You're at the bookshop and you see a pretty girl. Pretend to browse the section near her and then casually look at her. If she looks back and smiles, then its a sign for you to talk. If not, then make her look at you. If she's holding a book, ask her if its interesting. If not, ask her to suggest a title. If she seems really disinterested. Say, thanks for your help, smile and walk away.

If she's pleasant, then talk about any number of other things. Do you come here often? Where do you usually go for good books? What do you like to read? And then maybe tell her at some point that she has pretty eyes or hair. If you're doing well, then ask her if she has someplace to be, and if you want to find out if she has a bf, "So do you have a boyfriend to meet you later?" If she says yes, then you can always laugh and say, "Well it was worth a try, I can't help noticing how pretty you are"

If she's single (yay!), ask her if she wants to go for coffee.

Some other things you can do that count as flirting:

1. Pretend that there's something in her hair and say, "There's something in your hair, mind if I?"
2. Maintain longer eye contact
3. If she needs help out of the car or something, hold your hand out for her.
4. Google is your bestfriend. Plus corny romance flicks. Learn and apply!

Does this help?

The bookstore idea sounds perfect. I don't frequent bookstores very much, but enjoy them nonetheless, so it'll be one of the few places where I could practice this without worrying it could make things awkward in the future if I screw up. Maybe I'll give it a try this weekend.

It'll be nice to be able to try something like this. Don't know why I hadn't thought of it before, but I usually only go to places I need to (supermarket, sometimes a small game store I frequent far too much to dare ask anyone out or flirt with anyone there), which gives me anxiety fears. But if it's somewhere I could simply not go for weeks or months (or years), I have nothing to lose, even for my irrational social fears.