el Jay
Well-known member
(read this topic for background on me)
This isn't a generic "how do I get girlfriend" topic (or maybe it is - you decide), though there are specific aspects of it I struggle with.
First... how do you meet women, anyways? I mentioned in my topic that I don't really get out much, for various reasons. But even if I did, and I had somewhere to go (maybe something relating to an interest or hobby?), how would I look for someone? How do people go about it?
One thing I struggle with is a somewhat odd fear, wherein I fear the girl already being in a relationship much, much more than outright rejection. Is there any way to figure this out beforehand (presence of a wedding band aside)? I'm somewhat shy around strangers, so it's difficult enough to approach someone and strike up a conversation. Then there's the issue that it feels like every girl I'm at all interested in (or would be, even) already has a relationship. That fear is by far the biggest crippling part of my apparent inability to ask girls out.
And even then, rejection obviously isn't pleasant, whether they're in a relationship or not. I just don't have the confidence and courage to "keep trying" until I get one, because despite outwardly appearing confident, I'm not, and even a couple rejections end up weighing on my mind and utterly destroy me.
And honestly, all of this plays on one of my biggest issues: that I feel like I have no place in the world. How this relates to the relationship issue is that it makes me feel like asking a girl out would be encroaching on her. Like she's perfectly happy as she is, so she wouldn't have any interest in me, and she'd get mad at me for even trying. I literally cannot imagine any given girl actually WANTING to go out with me, no matter how compatible we could be.
I blame that on my last girlfriend, who was awesome enough to fall in love with initially, but then became twisted and depressed and basically ruined my ability to feel like anyone in the world could ever possibly love me, or want to be with me.
I really don't know what I'm looking for my posting this... suggestions, maybe? Tips for how to get around some of my issues? I'm so very tired of being single and alone while others get to have their relationships and their life. I've had to watch as everyone around me got to do that while I was either single, or stuck in an effectively loveless (for me) long-distance relationship for all of my 20s. I just want something that it seems so many people people have found: is that so wrong?
This isn't a generic "how do I get girlfriend" topic (or maybe it is - you decide), though there are specific aspects of it I struggle with.
First... how do you meet women, anyways? I mentioned in my topic that I don't really get out much, for various reasons. But even if I did, and I had somewhere to go (maybe something relating to an interest or hobby?), how would I look for someone? How do people go about it?
One thing I struggle with is a somewhat odd fear, wherein I fear the girl already being in a relationship much, much more than outright rejection. Is there any way to figure this out beforehand (presence of a wedding band aside)? I'm somewhat shy around strangers, so it's difficult enough to approach someone and strike up a conversation. Then there's the issue that it feels like every girl I'm at all interested in (or would be, even) already has a relationship. That fear is by far the biggest crippling part of my apparent inability to ask girls out.
And even then, rejection obviously isn't pleasant, whether they're in a relationship or not. I just don't have the confidence and courage to "keep trying" until I get one, because despite outwardly appearing confident, I'm not, and even a couple rejections end up weighing on my mind and utterly destroy me.
And honestly, all of this plays on one of my biggest issues: that I feel like I have no place in the world. How this relates to the relationship issue is that it makes me feel like asking a girl out would be encroaching on her. Like she's perfectly happy as she is, so she wouldn't have any interest in me, and she'd get mad at me for even trying. I literally cannot imagine any given girl actually WANTING to go out with me, no matter how compatible we could be.
I blame that on my last girlfriend, who was awesome enough to fall in love with initially, but then became twisted and depressed and basically ruined my ability to feel like anyone in the world could ever possibly love me, or want to be with me.
I really don't know what I'm looking for my posting this... suggestions, maybe? Tips for how to get around some of my issues? I'm so very tired of being single and alone while others get to have their relationships and their life. I've had to watch as everyone around me got to do that while I was either single, or stuck in an effectively loveless (for me) long-distance relationship for all of my 20s. I just want something that it seems so many people people have found: is that so wrong?