How do you stop the doubts creeping in ?

[jaguarundi]

Sorry triple bogey, when you posted that u thought she was your type and you wanted to ask her out for a coffee, I made the mistake of thinking that you liked her. Now it seems that you really did not - so all's well that ends well, in effect.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Sorry triple bogey, when you posted that u thought she was your type and you wanted to ask her out for a coffee, I made the mistake of thinking that you liked her. Now it seems that you really did not - so all's well that ends well, in effect.

No, it was more like I wanted to get to know her better. Hence wanting to have a coffee with her. She probably is a nice person but isn't available.

The most promising was that woman who said I was a 'lovely man' on Boxing day. Not seen her since though. I hope I do soon. I do always try to check if a woman is available before I ask them out somewhere.

 

[hsp]

O man, I've done this. I had a flirty thing going with a girl who took the same bus as me for a couple of months, and I never acted on it. Regret it to this day.. Don't make the same mistake..

 

[Triple Bogey]

O man, I've done this. I had a flirty thing going with a girl who took the same bus as me for a couple of months, and I never acted on it. Regret it to this day.. Don't make the same mistake..

with me it's all in my head. Just made up by myself to make myself better than I actually am. I never truly believed this woman was interested. I can see the signs. And they weren't any, just a woman been polite to the guy who is serving her.

Some customers do like me, I can see that. I don't mean anything romantic, it's mostly the older women, they probably feel sorry for me a bit. And with them it's easy to joke and have a laugh with them. It's years of serving people, skills I have gained. I have never used those skills outside of work though for some reason.

 

[Tulip23]

It was positive.
Maybe she is shy.Go for it what have you got to lose.
Life is too short grab each chance when it comes along.
Good luck

 

[TheSkaFish]

Could those treats have possibly been for a brother, perhaps? Or a cousin? Or a little kid she babysits or something?

I mean, I can see how you might have been discouraged but "he" isn't ALWAYS a boyfriend, you know?

 

[Tulip23]

Oh god sorry triple bogey.My post was in relation to the end of the first page.God I'm a twat:-(

 

[Triple Bogey]

Could those treats have possibly been for a brother, perhaps? Or a cousin? Or a little kid she babysits or something?

I mean, I can see how you might have been discouraged but "he" isn't ALWAYS a boyfriend, you know?

yes could be. I can't say I have thought much about the subject this week but the sweets were little kids goodies. I don't know why I automatically thought it was her boyfriends. Grown men don't eat those kind of sweets.

I guess I should chat more and find out for sure.

---

Oh god sorry triple bogey.My post was in relation to the end of the first page.God I'm a twat:-(

don't worry about it !

 

[Triple Bogey]

I served her today and noticed she didn't have the sweets from last week so I made a comment about it. She said 'he isn 't coming down this week' -
I think they are for a nephew, the sweets are for kids mostly. She doesn't have a wedding ring on. While this was happening, I started to get blurred vision, I was getting a migraine. So I talked about that, she seemed very concerned. I told her about the dark glasses I have to wear so I don't get blinding headaches and sickness. She said 'take care' as she left.

I wish I had more of an opportunity to talk to her and get to know her better. She seems nice.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I served her today and noticed she didn't have the sweets from last week so I made a comment about it. She said 'he isn 't coming down this week' -
I think they are for a nephew, the sweets are for kids mostly. She doesn't have a wedding ring on. While this was happening, I started to get blurred vision, I was getting a migraine. So I talked about that, she seemed very concerned. I told her about the dark glasses I have to wear so I don't get blinding headaches and sickness. She said 'take care' as she left.

I wish I had more of an opportunity to talk to her and get to know her better. She seems nice.

The next time you have a pleasant conversation with her, you know, where you can tell she's in a good mood, and you don't have anything else bothering you like headaches or a cold or something, finish the conversation with an invitation to get coffee or tea or something like that. It's both non-threatening enough to not put pressure on her, and just forward enough to start growing a connection.

That's something big I've learned about girls. You may as well go for it, because you've got nothing to lose that won't be lost anyway if you don't take action. Every day you wait, you give other guys one more day to take the action with the girl you wanted to be with. And one day, it will be their lucky day. Gotta make it your lucky day first.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I served her today and noticed she didn't have the sweets from last week so I made a comment about it. She said 'he isn 't coming down this week' -
I think they are for a nephew, the sweets are for kids mostly. She doesn't have a wedding ring on. While this was happening, I started to get blurred vision, I was getting a migraine. So I talked about that, she seemed very concerned. I told her about the dark glasses I have to wear so I don't get blinding headaches and sickness. She said 'take care' as she left.

I wish I had more of an opportunity to talk to her and get to know her better. She seems nice.

The next time you have a pleasant conversation with her, you know, where you can tell she's in a good mood, and you don't have anything else bothering you like headaches or a cold or something, finish the conversation with an invitation to get coffee or tea or something like that. It's both non-threatening enough to not put pressure on her, and just forward enough to start growing a connection.

That's something big I've learned about girls. You may as well go for it, because you've got nothing to lose that won't be lost anyway if you don't take action. Every day you wait, you give other guys one more day to take the action with the girl you wanted to be with. And one day, it will be their lucky day. Gotta make it your lucky day first.

yes, thanks good advice. It's just hard in a workplace, loads of people milling around and in ear shot. It's hard to go from casual chit chat of cashier to customer to something more serious. If I get an opportunity I will certainly do something though.

 

[reloadlife23]

This customer who comes in my shop, mostly on Saturdays. She seems sweet, shy and my type. Chatting to her is tricky since it's only a few minutes every week. I know bits about her. My next question was to ask her what her job was.

So today on the shop floor we almost bump into each other. We have a chat and I ask her what she did. (She's a tax collector !) - so we have a laugh about that and after a few minutes of talking I say 'bye' and she says she's next coming in on Saturday.

At that moment I was convinced she was interested in me. Loads of things, the shock on her face when we bumped into each other, the way she chatted like she wanted to and it meant something, the way she said 'bye', her body language. It seems certain to me.

Yet a few hours later as I am writing this, I am now unsure. I know by tomorrow I will have convinced myself she isn't interested and then on Saturday if she comes in, I will have convinced myself even more that I mean nothing at all to her and it's all in my head. More bullshit dreamed up to pretend I am interesting or attractive. My mind works like this. It always has !

So anybody got any tips to stop this happening ?

Hi
When we expect anything we can be disappointed. Don't expect anything to come of this, just don't let it be so important to you.

Take one step at a time and expect nothing. If it is meant, it will be okay and if not, it too will be okay. Just be yourself and don't try to be what others want you to be.
Simple

 

[Triple Bogey]

This customer who comes in my shop, mostly on Saturdays. She seems sweet, shy and my type. Chatting to her is tricky since it's only a few minutes every week. I know bits about her. My next question was to ask her what her job was.

So today on the shop floor we almost bump into each other. We have a chat and I ask her what she did. (She's a tax collector !) - so we have a laugh about that and after a few minutes of talking I say 'bye' and she says she's next coming in on Saturday.

At that moment I was convinced she was interested in me. Loads of things, the shock on her face when we bumped into each other, the way she chatted like she wanted to and it meant something, the way she said 'bye', her body language. It seems certain to me.

Yet a few hours later as I am writing this, I am now unsure. I know by tomorrow I will have convinced myself she isn't interested and then on Saturday if she comes in, I will have convinced myself even more that I mean nothing at all to her and it's all in my head. More bullshit dreamed up to pretend I am interesting or attractive. My mind works like this. It always has !

So anybody got any tips to stop this happening ?

Hi
When we expect anything we can be disappointed. Don't expect anything to come of this, just don't let it be so important to you.

Take one step at a time and expect nothing. If it is meant, it will be okay and if not, it too will be okay. Just be yourself and don't try to be what others want you to be.
Simple

oh it's not that important to me. But yes I agree with what you say.

 

[Skills10]

This customer who comes in my shop, mostly on Saturdays. She seems sweet, shy and my type. Chatting to her is tricky since it's only a few minutes every week. I know bits about her. My next question was to ask her what her job was.

So today on the shop floor we almost bump into each other. We have a chat and I ask her what she did. (She's a tax collector !) - so we have a laugh about that and after a few minutes of talking I say 'bye' and she says she's next coming in on Saturday.

At that moment I was convinced she was interested in me. Loads of things, the shock on her face when we bumped into each other, the way she chatted like she wanted to and it meant something, the way she said 'bye', her body language. It seems certain to me.

Yet a few hours later as I am writing this, I am now unsure. I know by tomorrow I will have convinced myself she isn't interested and then on Saturday if she comes in, I will have convinced myself even more that I mean nothing at all to her and it's all in my head. More bullshit dreamed up to pretend I am interesting or attractive. My mind works like this. It always has !

So anybody got any tips to stop this happening ?

Hi
When we expect anything we can be disappointed. Don't expect anything to come of this, just don't let it be so important to you.

Take one step at a time and expect nothing. If it is meant, it will be okay and if not, it too will be okay. Just be yourself and don't try to be what others want you to be.
Simple

oh it's not that important to me. But yes I agree with what you say.

Just be yourself. But i do not believe in love at first sight. It takes time for two hearts to beat as one. Love is a verb not a feeling.


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[Triple Bogey]

She came in today and I had a really long chat with her. She likes football and supports the same team as me. I told her all about my photo's as well.

She seems nice. I wish I could ask her for a coffee or something. She keeps mentioning 'we'- I don't know if she means her Mother or a bloke. She said something today which suggests she lives with her Mother.

 

[TheSkaFish]

She came in today and I had a really long chat with her. She likes football and supports the same team as me. I told her all about my photo's as well.

She seems nice. I wish I could ask her for a coffee or something. She keeps mentioning 'we'- I don't know if she means her Mother or a bloke. She said something today which suggests she lives with her Mother.

Ahhh it's great when you find that a girl you're interested in shares something in common with you that is one of your main interests.

Reading this just gave me an thought - do you think you know her well enough to ask her to go to a match with you? You could both share the experience of cheering for your team. It could be a bonding moment. Where I'm from, couples go to sporting events all the time, so we know it's a tried-and-true date idea.

 

[Triple Bogey]

She came in today and I had a really long chat with her. She likes football and supports the same team as me. I told her all about my photo's as well.

She seems nice. I wish I could ask her for a coffee or something. She keeps mentioning 'we'- I don't know if she means her Mother or a bloke. She said something today which suggests she lives with her Mother.

Ahhh it's great when you find that a girl you're interested in shares something in common with you that is one of your main interests.

Reading this just gave me an thought - do you think you know her well enough to ask her to go to a match with you? You could both share the experience of cheering for your team. It could be a bonding moment. Where I'm from, couples go to sporting events all the time, so we know it's a tried-and-true date idea.

it is a possibility. She was saying she can't get to every match, hasn't got a season ticket. I have and my Dad does as well. The thing is my Dad doesn't go to all the games, if it's on TV he doesn't bother so I have a empty seat next to me during some games.

Whether I can ask her if she wants to join me I don't know ?
But it is good that she likes football, it's something to talk about

 

[Triple Bogey]

Not seen her for 3 Saturdays now. Ever since I talked to her on that Friday when we did that Sports Relief thing. Have I frightened her off ? So she changes her shopping habits and avoids me ?
Maybe ? That boxing day woman avoided me for months. There seems a pattern developing. Work is not the place to meet somebody I know that. Can't force myself to go out though. It seems so pointless !

 

[Triple Bogey]

Easy to get paranoid about these things. She came in today and although I didn't get to serve her, she said 'hi' and we had a chat about the football match she is going to.
She mentions 'we' all the time so she goes with somebody. She has no wedding ring on and hasn't mentioned a man in her life. She has mentioned her mother, auntie, nephews and nieces.
I can't ask her if she is single, it sounds too rude. I like her, she is sweet and kind. My type. We have something in common (football) which is good.

 

[Grackle]

The next time she says 'we' ... why not say ..., 'You said we, would that be you and your mum?' Or nephew ? And we will know. You have to ask ... I can't take not knowing any longer.