How to be happy as single?

[Hawx79]

i accepted to be single, now how to be happy from this on?
Females dont like me, they never did, i am 33, never had a relationship and good chance i wont have one soon either.
People judge me badly before they even really know.
Because of years of being without companions I have become very distant to people as i have always been pushed away by others, both males and females.
However i still try be happy by doing things i like to do alone. For years i have been very active like boxing, running, going on vacations trips by myself and ive become quite good at it but 4 months ago i had a accident with my leg at work, damaged nerves and muscles and ive been home ever since. What i have always wanted seems now even further away as im not even sure ill ever be like my old self again.
I really wish i had a woman in my life but as ive never had one up till now ill probably never will either soon.
So how can i be happy while remaining single and alone?

 

[The Good Citizen]

No need to give up completely, people always seem to reach that conclusion, "I'll feel better when I give up looking" but I think its just kidding yourself, I think its difficult to be happy by trying to convince yourself its not what you really want, because deep down what you really want is a relationship.

I think a better way to approach it is "how can I stay happy while still looking?" and it sounds as if maybe up until the accident you managed that just fine, you sounded active enough and while you didn't have everything in life (ie a relationship) you were still making the most of it.

So I suspect whats changed is that you are struggling to cope now following the accident, its curtailed your ability to enjoy life as best you can and its making you reflect on that other aspect thats always been missing, ie having a woman to share your life with. What I think is most important is getting yourself back on your feet and learing to appreciate life again. If you're not able to do that in the same ways as you used to, I think your priority should be to look for other ways. So plow your energy into that, finding new hobbies and challenges because its proved before it can get you to a point where you can be relatively happy. Once you're there again though, don't give up on meeting someone down the line because I think you'll be trying to kid yourself. Just keep an open mind and be honest with yourself, its the best way to appreciate what you already have, as you never know what other accident or chance encounter could be around the corner and maybe next time it will be a much more positive one.

 

[HumanZ]

I'm more happy to be single than in a relationship. Love is not for me.

 

[Tealeaf]

I've picked up music and language as things that are productive, rewarding, and reliable long-term. I still want to connect to people in the platonic sense, but these are the kinds of options that you don't need much (or anything) from others to enjoy.

I think "keep busy" is good advice that's often given, but doesn't delve deep enough and encourage people to find something that isn't empty calories for the soul.

I kind of wish I'd just done it from the start. When I look back on how much of myself I spent in relationships that dissipated and left me with nothing but negatives, all I can think about is how I could be playing a multi-chambered ocarina right now instead of a single, how I could be fluent in another language (or two!) instead of a beginner, how I could have poured all that time, energy, and money into any number of other things that would make me feel wonderful and couldn't simply be destroyed...

You're capable of quite a bit. Exercise is good for you, but what it gives back might not be substantial enough. Again, feed the soul (good stuff) in addition to the body.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

 

[Z28]

This might be the time where you soul search. Find meaning in your life and pursue something that intrigues you.

I'm lonely as hell too. Never had any relationship, don't really have friends I can count on. I bought a car and I modify it. Helps me stay positive and active.

 

[Cucuboth]

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

Awwww, freak'n bingo right there. Why do so many people think that they can dictate what should, and shouldn't, make someone happy?

The downside is, what if what makes you happy is being with someone? Having friends, someone to share experiences with, someone to care about, and not just on a mental and/or emotional level, but on a physical level too. What if what makes you happy is what you've been trying to find for over 20 years, only to always be told that you can't have any of it ....

 

[Z28]

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

Awwww, freak'n bingo right there. Why do so many people think that they can dictate what should, and shouldn't, make someone happy?

The downside is, what if what makes you happy is being with someone? Having friends, someone to share experiences with, someone to care about, and not just on a mental and/or emotional level, but on a physical level too. What if what makes you happy is what you've been trying to find for over 20 years, only to always be told that you can't have any of it ....

I don't want to sound like an ******* because I understand this completely and I'm going through it myself, but that's where drastic changes come to be.

This is usually the part where a long story begins, but for the sake of a point, I'll give the gist of it...

About 3 years ago I had met someone special. At the time I didn't know that person would mean a lot to me but that's how it turned out to be. Come to the beginning of this year, there were so many twists and turns in our relationship that we no longer talked. We would always say we were through with each other till one day we went our separate ways. The only thing that made me happy was that person. To be there for the person on an emotional and physical level, to have someone there when bad things happened to me and to be there for when bad things happened to them. I felt stressed, but I also felt and deep down knew that with that person's help I could find the physical and emotional strength to overcome my situations.

After that, I went into a double dip depression. It was double dipped because the first time we both realized we needed each other and the 2nd time we were officially fed up. So the first time I became self destructive, perhaps to a way that I've never officially given that up. If it put me in harm's way and gave me an adrenaline rush I would do it. The 2nd time, I simply shut down. Became cynical. Some people would say I act more like an "*******" now.

Look, what I'm trying to get at is that sometimes we yearn for something so much that we never get it. At a certain point, we shouldn't give up but rather accept the card we were dealt and play them. I've been lonely almost all my life. My early childhood, all I did was move around. I never got to have a childhood friend. I never got to have those friendships that last a lifetime. By the time I settled in somewhere, it was too late. Cliques were formed and factions were created. I could either fit in something or be an outcast, and sadly I had to be an outcast. Fast forward to my post graduation years and I've not only gone through so much to avoid loneliness, but found the courage to man up and face the issue and deal with it accordingly. So I may not have a person I share an intimate relationship with. I may not have someone that will nurture and care for me and I may not have a person that I can care about and feel like I have purpose in my life. You know what... fresia IT. I'll admit it, I'm the guy that purposely makes another person's life sour, but at least I have some sort of satisfaction.

Point being, at a certain point, you're denied something so much that you will change your perspective. At a certain point, you embrace the loneliness and make it a part of you. Sort of how it was with Bane in the Dark Knight Rises. The darkness molded him.

Sometimes that is what has to happen to a human after being denied such simple basic necessities for so long of a time.

So what if you want someone there for you and vice versa? What if that makes you happy?

At a certain point, that happiness changes to making it miserable for those that do have someone. Whether it's something simplistic as being a nuisance in public or something as drastic as resorting to crude methods to wipe a smile off a person's face, we all find our niche. Some of us will become a good person to someone else, others of us will be those that make a rainy day pour harder.

I'm just going off experiences. Sometimes it's not right, it's not wrong, it's just survival.

 

[Cucuboth]

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

Awwww, freak'n bingo right there. Why do so many people think that they can dictate what should, and shouldn't, make someone happy?

The downside is, what if what makes you happy is being with someone? Having friends, someone to share experiences with, someone to care about, and not just on a mental and/or emotional level, but on a physical level too. What if what makes you happy is what you've been trying to find for over 20 years, only to always be told that you can't have any of it ....

I don't want to sound like an ******* because I understand this completely and I'm going through it myself, but that's where drastic changes come to be.

This is usually the part where a long story begins, but for the sake of a point, I'll give the gist of it...

About 3 years ago I had met someone special. At the time I didn't know that person would mean a lot to me but that's how it turned out to be. Come to the beginning of this year, there were so many twists and turns in our relationship that we no longer talked. We would always say we were through with each other till one day we went our separate ways. The only thing that made me happy was that person. To be there for the person on an emotional and physical level, to have someone there when bad things happened to me and to be there for when bad things happened to them. I felt stressed, but I also felt and deep down knew that with that person's help I could find the physical and emotional strength to overcome my situations.

After that, I went into a double dip depression. It was double dipped because the first time we both realized we needed each other and the 2nd time we were officially fed up. So the first time I became self destructive, perhaps to a way that I've never officially given that up. If it put me in harm's way and gave me an adrenaline rush I would do it. The 2nd time, I simply shut down. Became cynical. Some people would say I act more like an "*******" now.

Look, what I'm trying to get at is that sometimes we yearn for something so much that we never get it. At a certain point, we shouldn't give up but rather accept the card we were dealt and play them. I've been lonely almost all my life. My early childhood, all I did was move around. I never got to have a childhood friend. I never got to have those friendships that last a lifetime. By the time I settled in somewhere, it was too late. Cliques were formed and factions were created. I could either fit in something or be an outcast, and sadly I had to be an outcast. Fast forward to my post graduation years and I've not only gone through so much to avoid loneliness, but found the courage to man up and face the issue and deal with it accordingly. So I may not have a person I share an intimate relationship with. I may not have someone that will nurture and care for me and I may not have a person that I can care about and feel like I have purpose in my life. You know what... fresia IT. I'll admit it, I'm the guy that purposely makes another person's life sour, but at least I have some sort of satisfaction.

Point being, at a certain point, you're denied something so much that you will change your perspective. At a certain point, you embrace the loneliness and make it a part of you. Sort of how it was with Bane in the Dark Knight Rises. The darkness molded him.

Sometimes that is what has to happen to a human after being denied such simple basic necessities for so long of a time.

So what if you want someone there for you and vice versa? What if that makes you happy?

At a certain point, that happiness changes to making it miserable for those that do have someone. Whether it's something simplistic as being a nuisance in public or something as drastic as resorting to crude methods to wipe a smile off a person's face, we all find our niche. Some of us will become a good person to someone else, others of us will be those that make a rainy day pour harder.

I'm just going off experiences. Sometimes it's not right, it's not wrong, it's just survival.

Everyone has different experiences, or at least, a different reaction to experiences. Just as people find happiness in different things and in different places, and some of us may need a little more help to find and attain what makes us happy.

 

[Limlim]

I've picked up music and language as things that are productive, rewarding, and reliable long-term. I still want to connect to people in the platonic sense, but these are the kinds of options that you don't need much (or anything) from others to enjoy.

I think "keep busy" is good advice that's often given, but doesn't delve deep enough and encourage people to find something that isn't empty calories for the soul.

I kind of wish I'd just done it from the start. When I look back on how much of myself I spent in relationships that dissipated and left me with nothing but negatives, all I can think about is how I could be playing a multi-chambered ocarina right now instead of a single, how I could be fluent in another language (or two!) instead of a beginner, how I could have poured all that time, energy, and money into any number of other things that would make me feel wonderful and couldn't simply be destroyed...

You're capable of quite a bit. Exercise is good for you, but what it gives back might not be substantial enough. Again, feed the soul (good stuff) in addition to the body.

Once I switched to a multi-chambered ocarina I never looked back. It's actually not that difficult to do and you'll find within a few days you'll have gotten the hang of it. Assuming you're going for an Alto C, the second chamber is pretty much just a single straight line of holes you depress one after another to reach those high notes.

 

[nerdygirl]

This world is full of things you've never tried. You know that song from Lion King, where they say, "There is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done"? It's true. If you cannot enjoy one thing, seek out another. Nobody finds joy by sitting there, waiting for it to come to them. You find happiness by pursuing it.

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

Awwww, freak'n bingo right there. Why do so many people think that they can dictate what should, and shouldn't, make someone happy?

The downside is, what if what makes you happy is being with someone? Having friends, someone to share experiences with, someone to care about, and not just on a mental and/or emotional level, but on a physical level too. What if what makes you happy is what you've been trying to find for over 20 years, only to always be told that you can't have any of it ....

If the ONLY thing that makes you happy is to be with somebody else, it is time to work on yourself. It's fine if having friends makes you happy, but you should be capable of enjoying your own company.

 

[Tealeaf]

Once I switched to a multi-chambered ocarina I never looked back. It's actually not that difficult to do and you'll find within a few days you'll have gotten the hang of it. Assuming you're going for an Alto C, the second chamber is pretty much just a single straight line of holes you depress one after another to reach those high notes.

I generally like alto C, but I have a nice 12-hole model that I don't really want to retire. It has a unique kind of deep red and cream coloration on ceramic that's grown on me. I might try multi-chamber earlier, though.

 

[Tylor]

This world is full of things you've never tried. You know that song from Lion King, where they say, "There is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done"? It's true. If you cannot enjoy one thing, seek out another. Nobody finds joy by sitting there, waiting for it to come to them. You find happiness by pursuing it.

^ This. Something that I'm slowly starting to understand. Spent good chunk of my life never trying anything new because I convinced myself that somehow life was just going to fall into my lap once I graduated. Now I'm realizing that I have to pursue the things that I believe will make me happy and a better person. I think that when you do those things you become more attractive to people. But how to be happy as single? It's a question I've asked myself many times. I've only had a girlfriend once and it was quite short lived. So far the best answer I've come to sounds similar to those above me. Find what makes you happy or fulfills you as a person and pursue it with every fiber of your being. And who knows, if you build a life around the things you're passionate about, then perhaps somebody will take note and a relationship will be an awesome added bonus! That sucks to hear about the nerve damage though! =/ Perhaps in your recovery period you could pursue less physically demanding hobbies like music?

 

[Cucuboth]

This world is full of things you've never tried. You know that song from Lion King, where they say, "There is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done"? It's true. If you cannot enjoy one thing, seek out another. Nobody finds joy by sitting there, waiting for it to come to them. You find happiness by pursuing it.

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

Awwww, freak'n bingo right there. Why do so many people think that they can dictate what should, and shouldn't, make someone happy?

The downside is, what if what makes you happy is being with someone? Having friends, someone to share experiences with, someone to care about, and not just on a mental and/or emotional level, but on a physical level too. What if what makes you happy is what you've been trying to find for over 20 years, only to always be told that you can't have any of it ....

If the ONLY thing that makes you happy is to be with somebody else, it is time to work on yourself. It's fine if having friends makes you happy, but you should be capable of enjoying your own company.

I'm not saying that the ONLY thing that makes me happy is to be with someone else. Nor have I said that I haven't tried things. Just that it's got to a point where I just desire to have someone to share things with. I can't see what is so wrong with that, or why I .. or anyone .. should be expected to feel happy alone when they don't want to be. Do I enjoy my own company? Sometimes I do. But I'd also like to go to the cinema with someone, for a walk with someone, go for a meal with someone. I just don't see what's so wrong and repellant about wanting to share those experiences with someone.

 

[nerdygirl]

I'm not saying that the ONLY thing that makes me happy is to be with someone else. Nor have I said that I haven't tried things. Just that it's got to a point where I just desire to have someone to share things with. I can't see what is so wrong with that, or why I .. or anyone .. should be expected to feel happy alone when they don't want to be. Do I enjoy my own company? Sometimes I do. But I'd also like to go to the cinema with someone, for a walk with someone, go for a meal with someone. I just don't see what's so wrong and repellant about wanting to share those experiences with someone.

As evidenced by the title of this thread, "How to be happy as single?" the topic of this thread... is how to be happy when you're single. Now, if you WANT to be unhappy about being single, be my guest. I'll not have people accusing me of strong arming them into living happy productive lives.

 

[Tiina63]

Simple, you find what makes you happy and go from there. Only you know what makes you happy, what you want from life and enjoy from life.

Awwww, freak'n bingo right there. Why do so many people think that they can dictate what should, and shouldn't, make someone happy?

The downside is, what if what makes you happy is being with someone? Having friends, someone to share experiences with, someone to care about, and not just on a mental and/or emotional level, but on a physical level too. What if what makes you happy is what you've been trying to find for over 20 years, only to always be told that you can't have any of it ....

I find this reply very helpful and insightful. The first bit is so true-so many people tell us how to live our lives and try to push us one way or another. Some people have expected me to be happy in situations which they would hate to be in themselves, which I have never been able to understand.
I agree with the second bit as well. Knowing deep down that true happiness is found in a relationship (not for everyone but for many, including me) and yet not finding that relationship is painful. Other things feel like a subsitute, like second best, and much as you try to find fulfilment in them , if in your heart and soul you want to be with someone, these other things do often feel empty.

 

[perfanoff]

How to be happy as being single: stop being single