How to build internal resilience?

[Serenia]

As the title suggests, is there a way to get stronger inside.

I am interested in particular when you are facing something that at times can be relentlessly negative, something that you can't walk away from. I wont go into it out in the open, but if you are genuinely interested feel free to pm to ask and then you may have a better idea.

Do you ever feel yourself crumble when it starts instead of being able to tackle it head on/ or have a clear enough head to find a creative solution?

I know that good self esteem, self worth all help. Also it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have been through plenty and came out the other side, having learnt something and with the knowledge that if faced with the same I could get through it ok.

Has anyone got any ideas even in a general sense?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Ioann]

I am a fan of Dr Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT). That rejects self-esteem. Indeed, it thinks both low self esteem and high self esteem are equally based on false perceptions. Because how can anyone judge their self-worth? What are they judging it against? Instead, REBT advocates Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA). This doesn't mean that you need to like everything about yourself, or you don't want or try to change things about yourself. But is does mean that you accept yourself. You are what you are. Other people are what they are.

REBT also thinks a bunch of other useful stuff, about how our beliefs are often irrational, and if we challenge them, we can develop new, rational, and more helpful beliefs. That doesn't mean feeling good about stuff which is objectively bad.

It is too much to go into in detail. You can look it up if it interests you. It does provide a useful (to me) framework for looking at things in a different way. It may help?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think it's so much about not crumbling. We ALL crumble sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that. What really matter is how long you allow yourself to crumble. Don't sell yourself short, there are times when we need to crumble, let yourself and then get back up and deal with it.
You ARE stronger than you think you are.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Also it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I hate that saying, what doesn't kill you doesn't always makes you stronger, sometimes it beats you down inside and makes it harder to keep going. I don't know where that phrase came from but it was obviously from someone who was strong to begin with.

If that is something you believe you were and already are a strong person to begin with and can face anything that comes your way. Just believe in yourself more.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Meditating helps alot in my case but since recently i find that am a totally impatient so meditating does not seem easy.. but if i try i can go back to being patient and work on the meditating again.. the point is meditating is a total good way to fix up ur self-esteem, spirituality and everything else that makes us human

 

[Serenia]

Also it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I hate that saying, what doesn't kill you doesn't always makes you stronger, sometimes it beats you down inside and makes it harder to keep going. I don't know where that phrase came from but it was obviously from someone who was strong to begin with.

If that is something you believe you were and already are a strong person to begin with and can face anything that comes your way. Just believe in yourself more.

You are right it doesn't always. Personally there have been times when I have been on the floor with no hope or no idea how the hell to get out of it or make it better. But I found a way eventually, and knowing that I did it myself, gave me that extra ounce of strength. I can honestly say don't believe I was strong to begin with. Right now it the relentlessness that beats me down.

I appreciate everyone's replies it is interesting reading. Callie thanks for the encouragement. Thanks.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Also it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I hate that saying, what doesn't kill you doesn't always makes you stronger, sometimes it beats you down inside and makes it harder to keep going. I don't know where that phrase came from but it was obviously from someone who was strong to begin with.

I have to disagree with this. It can only beat you down if you allow it to, it's a choice, IMO.
We ARE all strong, but it's like with anything else. You just have to ALLOW yourself to be strong. You have to believe you can. If you don't believe you can, I think it boils down to low self esteem or depression or anything along those lines. It doesn't mean you can't overcome it, it just means there's something stopping you from letting yourself.

Granted, this is just my opinion. Not everyone has to agree with it.

 

[lifestream]

Much like Callie said, you sort of have to train yourself to be indifferent to things that could otherwise hurt you.

Try to objectify the negative situations so that you can exert a finer degree of control over your own reaction to them. Example: you're dealing with a family member who is always abusive and hurtful to you, stop and ask yourself "why am I allowing this person to upset me, I know it's in their nature to drag others down, but I don't have to let myself get dragged down."

Nurturing the kind of strength you're looking for takes time, She-ra. Often a long time, but it is possible if you're patient and forgiving with your own limits.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Also it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I hate that saying, what doesn't kill you doesn't always makes you stronger, sometimes it beats you down inside and makes it harder to keep going. I don't know where that phrase came from but it was obviously from someone who was strong to begin with.

I have to disagree with this. It can only beat you down if you allow it to, it's a choice, IMO.
We ARE all strong, but it's like with anything else. You just have to ALLOW yourself to be strong. You have to believe you can. If you don't believe you can, I think it boils down to low self esteem or depression or anything along those lines. It doesn't mean you can't overcome it, it just means there's something stopping you from letting yourself.

Granted, this is just my opinion. Not everyone has to agree with it.

Of course you do but YOU don't know ME so you can't disagree with something I experience every single day of my life can you? No you can't because you DON'T know me at all or what I've been through. You don't like it when people do it to you.

 

[SofiasMami]

As the title suggests, is there a way to get stronger inside.

Do you ever feel yourself crumble when it starts instead of being able to tackle it head on/ or have a clear enough head to find a creative solution?

Oh yeah, all the time. It would be nice to have a life with no difficult decisions or at least help making those decisions. But we have to play the hand we're dealt, don't we? As my favorite writer said - The only way out is in. Much easier said than done, of course. But if you feel yourself crumbling, allow yourself to have a moment to get it out of your system, then try to tackle your problem.

-Teresa

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Also it is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I hate that saying, what doesn't kill you doesn't always makes you stronger, sometimes it beats you down inside and makes it harder to keep going. I don't know where that phrase came from but it was obviously from someone who was strong to begin with.

That's a good point, sometimes that which doesn't kill you still gets you in the end. Probably not a particularly useful thing to say to someone who is down and out.
I'm too lazy to Google it at the moment but seems like I remember from my college philosophy class that Frederic Nietzche (not sure on the spelling) said that. Since I don't subscribe to existentialism, I suppose it shouldn't be saying that to anyone either

-Teresa