How to handle being in love with a good friend?

[E.Note]

OK I have this friend that I have been really attracted to/ loved for almost 4 years now. 4 years ago we had a brief hook-up, then she and he girl friend decided to close their "open relationship". So We never really saw each except every once in a while. But I could never act normal around her cause I still had all these big feelings.
SO they finally broke up- im single she's single- We have shared beautiful time together and kissed some- But 1st we wanted to try and be good friends only. My will is weak around this, because I had to admit to myself that I really love her. Which means that to be a true friend I needed to tell her that too.
So I did-
I told her I couldn't have the stress on my shoulders of just being her friend.
She thinks I no longer love her "uncondtionally" now, and I guess just wants me to forget about my feelings.
So I had to stop being her friend even though she writed me to say we should figure things out.
WTF! What is there to figure out?
Help!

 

[bookbinder]

No offense, but she sounds a bit dense (let me pause and congratulate myself for my rhyme scheme there).

that said, just go with the flow (now I'm rhyming shamelessly). she clearly wants you around as at least a friend. otherwise she wouldn't want to figure things out. if you love her as badly as you say you do, then you'll take her anyway you can get her. and if that means as a friend, that's what it means. on the other hand, if she wants more, either a: she will let you know that she can't live without you and that she would love nothing more than to elope or b: you will be friends again for a while, you with your smoldering love, and she will eventually wake up in a cold sweat one night and realize it's time the two of you went and had a good lovefest.

all of this hypothetical crap could be avoided if we just go the pessimistic route, which is the one I myself am frequently on. she may very well in fact be using you as someone who's around who she knows is usually up for fooling around because of your stated feelings, and doesn't want to lose that, so she keeps dragging you into the friend zone so you stick around. (And yes, I used "around" three times, in case that wasn't clear. Whether or not it brings clarity to what I am trying to stay remains to be seen.)

Anyway, that's my two cents. It's possible that your woman is nicer than I think she is, but I've seen this behavior many a time before, and so I'm inclined to say that it's probably a situation similar to what I described in my pessimistic scenario.

 

[somniloquy]

No offense, but she sounds a bit dense (let me pause and congratulate myself for my rhyme scheme there).

that said, just go with the flow (now I'm rhyming shamelessly). she clearly wants you around as at least a friend. otherwise she wouldn't want to figure things out. if you love her as badly as you say you do, then you'll take her anyway you can get her. and if that means as a friend, that's what it means. on the other hand, if she wants more, either a: she will let you know that she can't live without you and that she would love nothing more than to elope or b: you will be friends again for a while, you with your smoldering love, and she will eventually wake up in a cold sweat one night and realize it's time the two of you went and had a good lovefest.

all of this hypothetical crap could be avoided if we just go the pessimistic route, which is the one I myself am frequently on. she may very well in fact be using you as someone who's around who she knows is usually up for fooling around because of your stated feelings, and doesn't want to lose that, so she keeps dragging you into the friend zone so you stick around. (And yes, I used "around" three times, in case that wasn't clear. Whether or not it brings clarity to what I am trying to stay remains to be seen.)

Anyway, that's my two cents. It's possible that your woman is nicer than I think she is, but I've seen this behavior many a time before, and so I'm inclined to say that it's probably a situation similar to what I described in my pessimistic scenario.

What he said- but then I also tend to think very pessimistically in such scenarios. Any optimist takers? (congratulates himself on his "succinctism")

 

[SilentThinker]

Dun shut the door of the relationship.If you shut the door,you may have lost a friend.

I understand your feelings about her but I believed that she thinks it is too early to jump into a lover relationship.I guess love sometimes do need a little patience.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Don't tell her anything...just be her friend again.

She's going through grieving dude....a relationship break up
Give her time...She has to process the old relationship
and close the door on that...

Maybe she dosn't want to move from one relationship into another
right away...too much...too fast.

Slow down....

You kissed her already...
Start dating her without telling her...lol
Start doing ramance stuff with her..dude
Get her flowers and stuff...but be subtle.
Take her differnt places..do stuff with her instead of just
being a shoulder to cry on.
The more time you spend with her doing fun stuff..the sooner
she'll forget her ex. Don't even talk about her EX.
Steer the converations...don't critizise her ..if she mentions him . Just change the subject.
Get her a wrist or an angel bracelet after you date her for a couple of months...don't get her ring..yet..lol
Easy....dose it.

The next time you kiss her...kiss her, kiss her.
Take control of her body..and get out of the friend zone
Lead her...she'll let you..if she wants to.
Kiss her and don't talk so **** much.

You're not shuting the door...wtf.
Your taking the relationship to the next level...
Duh...isn't that what people say...in an intimate relationship...you
have to be friends first.

I've never had to ask a female to be my GF...Errr.
She just knows she's my GF..or a couple of weeks or a month later, we both just know.
Or out of the blues ..she'll just say " I love you"...
Now asking her for marriage...that's something she discussed about in bed after sex..lmao

 

[somniloquy]

Start doing ramance stuff with her..dude
Get her flowers and stuff...but be subtle.

I am emphasizing the subtle part. Be SUBTLE. If you overdo it, she might get freaked out or feel cheated or abused or lied to- as if all this is a game that you are playing to get to her. More importantly be natural. Things don't have to be awkward. Be cool.

 

[Hijacc]

I hate that when you like one of your best friends XD


Makes things reallly....

Awkard.

 

[Papabear]

my advice... let things blow over, try and just be her friend....

don't plan on this actually being a relationships... she know's how you feel and the ball is pretty much completely in her court. Let things play out and focus on enjoying your time with her ( 1. thats all you really can do anyways 2. she obviously isn't ready to jump into a relationship yet)

Granted, this is all barring you would rather keep her as a friend than lose her due to confessing your feelings.

I personally just ended a friendship with a girl I've been with because I couldn't handle being around her and having to feel the way I felt every time she looked at me.