I see several forum members who manage to pull it off, I am just completely heartbroken and I think that if I don't snuff myself off I will get some horrible disease very soon, to end this pain.
I don't seem to be able to keep any kind of friendship, maybe because of my personality, being with disability helps, I just don't know how get out of this situation.
They say focus on what you like, hobbies, inanimate objects, it doesn't work that much for me, the thing that always counted most for me is people and I don't know how to change that. I am becoming really bitter, and I don't want that, I want to keep loving and caring, which is difficult when no one cares for you, and they show it.
Any ideas? I was so hoping that I could change the situation by trying to change myself, after years of trying it is clear that it will never be enough, I give up - there is something basically wrong with me, and I will never understand what that is.
In real life, my on-the-paper best friends don't want to see me, forget my birthday and hardly ever ask me how I am, my own relatives don't want to know anything about me, either I accept this as a fact of life and I keep talking to them, agreeing with them on the fact that I am completely worthless, or I just stop interacting with them and end 100% alone like in a desert island. Acquaintances I can forgive that they don't care, but those very few who I gave my heart to, that hurts, and I don't know if I want to keep talking to them. Because of that, I have many good acquaintances and zero friends.
Or maybe actually move to a desert island? I am hopeless, really.
I don't seem to be able to keep any kind of friendship, maybe because of my personality, being with disability helps, I just don't know how get out of this situation.
They say focus on what you like, hobbies, inanimate objects, it doesn't work that much for me, the thing that always counted most for me is people and I don't know how to change that. I am becoming really bitter, and I don't want that, I want to keep loving and caring, which is difficult when no one cares for you, and they show it.
Any ideas? I was so hoping that I could change the situation by trying to change myself, after years of trying it is clear that it will never be enough, I give up - there is something basically wrong with me, and I will never understand what that is.
In real life, my on-the-paper best friends don't want to see me, forget my birthday and hardly ever ask me how I am, my own relatives don't want to know anything about me, either I accept this as a fact of life and I keep talking to them, agreeing with them on the fact that I am completely worthless, or I just stop interacting with them and end 100% alone like in a desert island. Acquaintances I can forgive that they don't care, but those very few who I gave my heart to, that hurts, and I don't know if I want to keep talking to them. Because of that, I have many good acquaintances and zero friends.
Or maybe actually move to a desert island? I am hopeless, really.