Sailor Moon
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2012
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Hi my name is Ellis I am 25 yr old female.
I am really sad. I try making friends at my job pretend to be outgoing and make myself look nice. At times I am very introverted but I act sometimes like I'm outgoing and talk alot but I actually tend to avoid people ....I received several numbers from people at my job because I always ask everyone for the contact info so we can hang out . But I always tend to hide and runaway...just avoid people in general. I also have a learning disability but isn't extremely bad they say it's mild and people cant tell at all when they meet me that I have it and I have also ibs due to food allergy..I have it under control and maintained but teased of it by my family alot cause I would always be in my room sick. Sometimes I dont have the ability to walk because I'm scared of properly turn a corner in the street.My family says all my conditions are in my head and I'm just pretending but it's not true because my doctor says my tests says I have it due to high allergies to alot of foods. My condition make me nervous alot and since i'm also anemic I had to eat more iron based foods. My parents seperated and they are and still neglectful of us and used to verbally and physically abuse us for a long time . And my stuff thrown into the street and told I was never loved and they dont care what happens to me. My step father also described ways of killing me and told me ways he would dispose of me. The other time someone tried to rape me but I escaped and he just grabbed me and he got off on attempted rape only saying I didn't have enough evidence...my ex-best friend was there for me but my mom and step dad only came for show.... They all said well he should have gone through with it and just killed you for you to get noticed and win the case. My family always favored my older sister paid for her schooling and bend to her every whim and she has a fake personality too, only cared about getting money from me in the past of telling my secrets to everyone to make her feel better but now she's married and claims she's a better person and an extreme christian but I see right through her fakeness and its not true not too long ago I asked her for help but all she did was rant on about herself . I live on my own now and was replaced by my step family and my actually family has my contact information but never contacted me.....
Since I live on my own and trying and struggling to get a license so I can get my own place but it's hard because I'm working twice as hard to improve and work on my memory.
I'm so lonely ......and the guy I ever liked is getting married...it's not my first love but it's the guy you grew up with and fell for but never like you that much. I'm still trying hard to get over him .
I am trying to vent this out because I want people to know me but anonymously. I need help copeing with my anxiety and social skills....
Growing up I was always told how ugly and stupid I was...hit in the face ...had my head banged into the floor....hit when I never did anything wrong....My step mom gave me a nick name " ***** " all the time and my father never stood up for me and just did everything my step mother said.
because of my step sister I was thrown out into the street because she had a crush on my friend and now there married and I told him all that I went through and he doesn't even care. Even my ex-best friend only hangs around my step family because of her too ..she's not even attractive. I was always teased about me and my ex-best friend should go out but I told them I'm not interested and I always had a thing for asians since I was brought up by my step family since there asian.
I used to be nice lend a guy that I knew who worked next door to me begged me for money to help with his baby and after I helped him he used it on himself and said oh my daughter is being raised by her grandma she never needed it and he skip town and ran off with out paying me a dime back and it was alot of money .
I always tried being nice....and sweet but I feel like everytime I help someone I get hurt badly and every time I open up I feel even worse.
like I told my father I'm an artist ...and I dont have to be an artist to go to school . and he said I do and dont call yourself an artist cause your not. I had my art work in many showcases and everyone loved it without knowing I'm sick and have a mild case of learning disability.
I really want help and I really want people in my life . I dont want to be alone anymore.... I feel so lonely and no support especially not from my family.
I live on my own now away from the abuse and everything. And no one ever calls...and it's lonely being home by yourself sometimes...even though I rent a room from this nice family it's still hard not be able to interact.
I like anime and Japanese stuff....but my current boyfriend hates anything japanese and doesn't like my music or shows......Sometimes I have a hard time connecting with him even with american shows on tlc or mtv etc...the only show we can agree on is history channel and tru tv worlds dumbest videos....I love watching nhk world ...learning japanese language and seeing tokyo fashion and clothes. But then I go out in the world and it's hard to find someone who like japanese stuff.
I told my boyfriend our relationship is still on thin ice because I'm figuring out ways to connect with him.
I really feel lost ...like I cant be myself without trying so hard to please others.
When I got my first check I basically spend it on others and not even myself. I always buy other people stuff and it's a bad habit...my boyfriend is helping me correct but it's not as bad as it was when I got my first job senior year of high school.
how do I move on by myself without my family.
How do I build a new support system.
Where would I go if I'm all by myself.
What do I do with my spare time in my life if I have no friends to connect to.
I am really sad. I try making friends at my job pretend to be outgoing and make myself look nice. At times I am very introverted but I act sometimes like I'm outgoing and talk alot but I actually tend to avoid people ....I received several numbers from people at my job because I always ask everyone for the contact info so we can hang out . But I always tend to hide and runaway...just avoid people in general. I also have a learning disability but isn't extremely bad they say it's mild and people cant tell at all when they meet me that I have it and I have also ibs due to food allergy..I have it under control and maintained but teased of it by my family alot cause I would always be in my room sick. Sometimes I dont have the ability to walk because I'm scared of properly turn a corner in the street.My family says all my conditions are in my head and I'm just pretending but it's not true because my doctor says my tests says I have it due to high allergies to alot of foods. My condition make me nervous alot and since i'm also anemic I had to eat more iron based foods. My parents seperated and they are and still neglectful of us and used to verbally and physically abuse us for a long time . And my stuff thrown into the street and told I was never loved and they dont care what happens to me. My step father also described ways of killing me and told me ways he would dispose of me. The other time someone tried to rape me but I escaped and he just grabbed me and he got off on attempted rape only saying I didn't have enough evidence...my ex-best friend was there for me but my mom and step dad only came for show.... They all said well he should have gone through with it and just killed you for you to get noticed and win the case. My family always favored my older sister paid for her schooling and bend to her every whim and she has a fake personality too, only cared about getting money from me in the past of telling my secrets to everyone to make her feel better but now she's married and claims she's a better person and an extreme christian but I see right through her fakeness and its not true not too long ago I asked her for help but all she did was rant on about herself . I live on my own now and was replaced by my step family and my actually family has my contact information but never contacted me.....
Since I live on my own and trying and struggling to get a license so I can get my own place but it's hard because I'm working twice as hard to improve and work on my memory.
I'm so lonely ......and the guy I ever liked is getting married...it's not my first love but it's the guy you grew up with and fell for but never like you that much. I'm still trying hard to get over him .
I am trying to vent this out because I want people to know me but anonymously. I need help copeing with my anxiety and social skills....
Growing up I was always told how ugly and stupid I was...hit in the face ...had my head banged into the floor....hit when I never did anything wrong....My step mom gave me a nick name " ***** " all the time and my father never stood up for me and just did everything my step mother said.
because of my step sister I was thrown out into the street because she had a crush on my friend and now there married and I told him all that I went through and he doesn't even care. Even my ex-best friend only hangs around my step family because of her too ..she's not even attractive. I was always teased about me and my ex-best friend should go out but I told them I'm not interested and I always had a thing for asians since I was brought up by my step family since there asian.
I used to be nice lend a guy that I knew who worked next door to me begged me for money to help with his baby and after I helped him he used it on himself and said oh my daughter is being raised by her grandma she never needed it and he skip town and ran off with out paying me a dime back and it was alot of money .
I always tried being nice....and sweet but I feel like everytime I help someone I get hurt badly and every time I open up I feel even worse.
like I told my father I'm an artist ...and I dont have to be an artist to go to school . and he said I do and dont call yourself an artist cause your not. I had my art work in many showcases and everyone loved it without knowing I'm sick and have a mild case of learning disability.
I really want help and I really want people in my life . I dont want to be alone anymore.... I feel so lonely and no support especially not from my family.
I live on my own now away from the abuse and everything. And no one ever calls...and it's lonely being home by yourself sometimes...even though I rent a room from this nice family it's still hard not be able to interact.
I like anime and Japanese stuff....but my current boyfriend hates anything japanese and doesn't like my music or shows......Sometimes I have a hard time connecting with him even with american shows on tlc or mtv etc...the only show we can agree on is history channel and tru tv worlds dumbest videos....I love watching nhk world ...learning japanese language and seeing tokyo fashion and clothes. But then I go out in the world and it's hard to find someone who like japanese stuff.
I told my boyfriend our relationship is still on thin ice because I'm figuring out ways to connect with him.
I really feel lost ...like I cant be myself without trying so hard to please others.
When I got my first check I basically spend it on others and not even myself. I always buy other people stuff and it's a bad habit...my boyfriend is helping me correct but it's not as bad as it was when I got my first job senior year of high school.
how do I move on by myself without my family.
How do I build a new support system.
Where would I go if I'm all by myself.
What do I do with my spare time in my life if I have no friends to connect to.