How to move on and being broke all the time

[Sailor Moon]

Hi my name is Ellis I am 25 yr old female.

I am really sad. I try making friends at my job pretend to be outgoing and make myself look nice. At times I am very introverted but I act sometimes like I'm outgoing and talk alot but I actually tend to avoid people ....I received several numbers from people at my job because I always ask everyone for the contact info so we can hang out . But I always tend to hide and runaway...just avoid people in general. I also have a learning disability but isn't extremely bad they say it's mild and people cant tell at all when they meet me that I have it and I have also ibs due to food allergy..I have it under control and maintained but teased of it by my family alot cause I would always be in my room sick. Sometimes I dont have the ability to walk because I'm scared of properly turn a corner in the street.My family says all my conditions are in my head and I'm just pretending but it's not true because my doctor says my tests says I have it due to high allergies to alot of foods. My condition make me nervous alot and since i'm also anemic I had to eat more iron based foods. My parents seperated and they are and still neglectful of us and used to verbally and physically abuse us for a long time . And my stuff thrown into the street and told I was never loved and they dont care what happens to me. My step father also described ways of killing me and told me ways he would dispose of me. The other time someone tried to rape me but I escaped and he just grabbed me and he got off on attempted rape only saying I didn't have enough evidence...my ex-best friend was there for me but my mom and step dad only came for show.... They all said well he should have gone through with it and just killed you for you to get noticed and win the case. My family always favored my older sister paid for her schooling and bend to her every whim and she has a fake personality too, only cared about getting money from me in the past of telling my secrets to everyone to make her feel better but now she's married and claims she's a better person and an extreme christian but I see right through her fakeness and its not true not too long ago I asked her for help but all she did was rant on about herself . I live on my own now and was replaced by my step family and my actually family has my contact information but never contacted me.....


Since I live on my own and trying and struggling to get a license so I can get my own place but it's hard because I'm working twice as hard to improve and work on my memory.


I'm so lonely ......and the guy I ever liked is getting married...it's not my first love but it's the guy you grew up with and fell for but never like you that much. I'm still trying hard to get over him .

I am trying to vent this out because I want people to know me but anonymously. I need help copeing with my anxiety and social skills....

Growing up I was always told how ugly and stupid I was...hit in the face ...had my head banged into the floor....hit when I never did anything wrong....My step mom gave me a nick name " ***** " all the time and my father never stood up for me and just did everything my step mother said.

because of my step sister I was thrown out into the street because she had a crush on my friend and now there married and I told him all that I went through and he doesn't even care. Even my ex-best friend only hangs around my step family because of her too ..she's not even attractive. I was always teased about me and my ex-best friend should go out but I told them I'm not interested and I always had a thing for asians since I was brought up by my step family since there asian.

I used to be nice lend a guy that I knew who worked next door to me begged me for money to help with his baby and after I helped him he used it on himself and said oh my daughter is being raised by her grandma she never needed it and he skip town and ran off with out paying me a dime back and it was alot of money .


I always tried being nice....and sweet but I feel like everytime I help someone I get hurt badly and every time I open up I feel even worse.

like I told my father I'm an artist ...and I dont have to be an artist to go to school . and he said I do and dont call yourself an artist cause your not. I had my art work in many showcases and everyone loved it without knowing I'm sick and have a mild case of learning disability.


I really want help and I really want people in my life . I dont want to be alone anymore.... I feel so lonely and no support especially not from my family.



I live on my own now away from the abuse and everything. And no one ever calls...and it's lonely being home by yourself sometimes...even though I rent a room from this nice family it's still hard not be able to interact.



I like anime and Japanese stuff....but my current boyfriend hates anything japanese and doesn't like my music or shows......Sometimes I have a hard time connecting with him even with american shows on tlc or mtv etc...the only show we can agree on is history channel and tru tv worlds dumbest videos....I love watching nhk world ...learning japanese language and seeing tokyo fashion and clothes. But then I go out in the world and it's hard to find someone who like japanese stuff.

I told my boyfriend our relationship is still on thin ice because I'm figuring out ways to connect with him.





I really feel lost ...like I cant be myself without trying so hard to please others.

When I got my first check I basically spend it on others and not even myself. I always buy other people stuff and it's a bad habit...my boyfriend is helping me correct but it's not as bad as it was when I got my first job senior year of high school.



how do I move on by myself without my family.

How do I build a new support system.

Where would I go if I'm all by myself.

What do I do with my spare time in my life if I have no friends to connect to.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I know this is a personal question but what learning disorder do you have?

I'm sorry you've been through so much in your life. There are people out there that like japanese stuff, anime clubs and such. They usually have younger members in their 20's or so.

Your allergies are definitely not in your head and i dont understand why your parents can't or wont see that.

I know you said the guy who raped you got off, but you did say he was charged with attempted rape, right? It was good that he was charged with something even though it was a lesser charge.

 

[Sailor Moon]

I know this is a personal question but what learning disorder do you have?

I'm sorry you've been through so much in your life. There are people out there that like japanese stuff, anime clubs and such. They usually have younger members in their 20's or so.

Your allergies are definitely not in your head and i dont understand why your parents can't or wont see that.

I know you said the guy who raped you got off, but you did say he was charged with attempted rape, right? It was good that he was charged with something even though it was a lesser charge.

They say it's for math,memory, and cognitive area but not as much...It just takes me longer to study or understand something thats all.... That's why my counselor told me when I was tested on memory skills each month when I was in elementry school but greatly struggled in math.


I tried to get help from the government but its extremely hard and all the loops and everything you have to go through...I dont even have health insurance which really sucks.


More and more seeing my aunt that no one gets along with and facebook pictures of my dad and step siblings taking pictures showing off what they have on there icons and bragging that there married...

I dont know what to say if I saw them in person.

I asked my dad 2 -3 years ago to meet me in a restaurant because I want to talk like adults and say somethings thats been hurting in me and I believe I need to talk to him about. My dad said no and just email me because he doesn't have time to talk to me on the phone. My mom does try a little bit harder then my dad bus is very short tempered and it always have to be about her and what trips and vacations she goes on right after I tell her about my financial situation and needs of support, she just recovered from being an alcoholic but stills like to lecture and hate anyone.

I told her I wish she would support me and help me get on my feet but she only helps my sister.


What do I do since I dont have that family support. Everyone blames me for reporting my mom to the court system for abusing me and still blames me to this day saying a parent can treat you badly no matter what ...and no matter what they do to you ..you should never report them...my sister even used that against me..

even in my 20's my mom hit me...I always asked her why am I the only one suffering for everything...I asked God sometimes why didn't he make me smarter...it hurts alot too.


I hope a miracle happens and I would get a license and get a better job.

My father told me become a nun...the church accepts anyone even if there not a virgin or just become a janitor..alot of learning disabled people are good cleaners you can support yourself that way.



I just dont understand....my family is middle class why wont they help and support me to going at least to get my license. My heart aches all the time.


I know because of my health issues I wont have a long life anyway but still....I asked my boyfriend...What did god want me to do that was so important that he kept me alive. * cause of health problems I almost died when I was a baby and still have health problems* It's depressing cause since I dont have health insurance I cant have my heart checked out to see if I still need heart sugery. I feel so lost ...i'm 25 and I am still struggling isn't that sad...I dont know what to do.....

It's so hard for me to connect with people outside of my room. I dont really connect with people at my job and sometimes they look at me and say why havent' you called me yet...and I shrink thinking " I m scared too...I'm really scared too. I may act and fake like I"m an extrovert but honestly I'm completely opposite it's awful."

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think it would help if you don't give any more of your money away to people. I know it might be hard, but you need that money to survive and live life, and get a license (what kind of license?). Take care of yourself before you take care of others because other people aren't taking care of you. IT's okay to be a little selfish and keep your money to pay for stuff you need and save up for stuff.

Also, do you live in the USA? You might qualify for medicare, you should check it out.

 

[Sailor Moon]

I think it would help if you don't give any more of your money away to people. I know it might be hard, but you need that money to survive and live life, and get a license (what kind of license?). Take care of yourself before you take care of others because other people aren't taking care of you. IT's okay to be a little selfish and keep your money to pay for stuff you need and save up for stuff.

Also, do you live in the USA? You might qualify for medicare, you should check it out.

Yea that's true..my boyfriend got mad at me when I used majority of my check to buy him clothes because he complained alot about need a new jacket and pants and shirts. I just used it on him...and he knew I needed it more ..it's like I'm needing his attention and his approval or maybe to feel needed. I might have my boyfriend help hold my money for me so I wont be spending it on him. The license is for esthetician but I just wanted to do it so I can learn about skin and makeup and I might go back and do nail tech . Even though my true dream is to be a manga artist I know it's not going to pay my bills so I need a back up.

I'm trying to get help but DORS the center to help people with disabilities are taking forever to help me and there throwing my case around back and forth and then they give me an attitude over the phone.

Government is crappy to show appreciation or support to those in need.


I'm actually trying to sign up for medicare right now but I need DORS approval letter cause they have my documents that I need to mail to the government so I can get help.

 

[SophiaGrace]

What does DORS stand for?

 

[Sailor Moon]

supports the employment and economic independence of people with disabilities

 

[SophiaGrace]

I"m getting help from them as well.

They're funding my education.

 

[Sailor Moon]

O___O!!!! wow !! seriously!! =( they do that ...I wonder why it's taking them over a half a year to help me =(

 

[SophiaGrace]

Unfortunately my case is being passed around as well right now. I've been assigned a temporary counselor.

 

[Sailor Moon]

I heard my counselor yell out to the front desk representative ..." NO I'm not talking to her right now..." my appointments get bounced around still...I'm feeling worse and worse everyday

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

I heard my counselor yell out to the front desk representative ..." NO I'm not talking to her right now..." my appointments get bounced around still...I'm feeling worse and worse everyday

This is so bad. My wife's learning disabled and hearing stories like this breaks my heart. The best thing you can do is understand that these people just flat out suck -not only because they're not doing what they're being paid to do- but also because they took on a responsibility they're now choosing to neglect.

Just so you know, there's nothing wrong with you and education is very much over rated. Consider the message that they always say, "education is the key". Well, if education is they key, why do they make it so expensive for us to free ourselves? So in my eyes, education has become something of a luxury item - like a Mercedes-Benz or something. It's very much unnecessary for an ordinary person. And there's nothing wrong with living an ordinary life.

How do you move on? You have to trust that negativity is a part of life and bad things just happen. I meditate a lot! It helps me move on. You'll find something you can do comfortably, I wouldn't focus on education if that's a problem area for you. I would just get certified and work contracting jobs. I recommend electrician. An electrician has one of the best jobs I've ever tried. You get a van, you drive around, you read the paper, you install some cable, you go home. It's pretty sweet. And not an ounce of stress about it. "Phone-guy" is another super-easy job. You just have to memorize one chart of color codes and it's soooo easy because you can break it down very simply if you change the way you look at it. Let me know if you need help with that one day. Very good jobs! With health coverage!

 

[Sailor Moon]

Do you know how I can getraining and info on both jobs......I live on my own n whatever money can pay more than what I got now is worth it

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

If you're in Southern California I can help you out big time. If you're not I can try to find people with connections where you're at. What state are you in? There's also a lot of government desk jobs in every major city. I can try to get you teamed up with the civilian contracting recruiters if you want but I need to know where you are to see if I can even be helpful. These jobs will send you to training once you're hired. So let me know where you're at first to see if I can help.

 

[Sailor Moon]

Sure ill pm you

 

[Astral_Punisher]

@ Sailor Moon & JoeJoeyJoseph

Were you two able to come to any conclusions about getting Sailor some work?

I'm hoping that you were !

 

[Sailor Moon]

Nope lost contact

 

[MadMonkè]

It happens a lot to me too. its nothing personal. it just feels that way

nobody has hookups to jobs. maybe afriend of a friend said they had hookups, who turned out to be lying or guessing at the time.. things change..

but keep trying... persistance pays off... I know some immigrants that have better jobs than me simply because they never gave up after thousands of applications... its hard work...but it pays off eventually... (this is more or less directed at myself... so sorry if I sound condescending)

My memory is also terrible... I blame tv. Its so addicting and wipes my memory clean each time.
not just tv, youtube, streaming shows, anime etc. My brain gets into a waking sleep pattern.

anyway, it helps to be in a good mood. you know what you want and the motivation is there also.
so why dont you be my gf?
move to Canada. we have free healthcare... and I can get a job with benefits that will support your medical requirements.
its a little cold sometimes but we can stay in and watch anime. when its nice out, theres a lot of cuddly things to do outside too.

let me be your tuxedo mask
or moonlight knight XD

hope you dont find this in bad taste... we can just pretend...? if it could cheer you up D