how to raise self esteem

[twinklestar]

this question has probably been asked a million times but I'm in my mid 30's and fed up of feeling a total failure, not good enough etc...some days i feel on top of the world, but then i come crashing down for example:

i have lost a LOT of weight over the past few months which i think is a real achievement, but then i have to put up with the comments from people such as 'you'll never keep it off', and people speculating how i've lost the weight and that I'm still fat etc etc

I only have a few close friends and have stuck by them when a certain friend of theirs was mistreating them, now my friend and her friend are pally again and i don't ever get a look in anymore

i KNOW i shouldn't take any notice of other people but its VERY hard when people criticise me all the time and make me feel like rubbish, how do i put up a wall and ignore it all?

 

[paulo]

well you worked hard you lost weight so you did good
just remember that.
people that feel the need to make you feel bad with unhelpfull coments arent worth listening to.

with people like that i just think,
fresia you, your stupid, u dont know honeysuckle.
that seems to work

mostely they dont know what they are talking about anyway, dont have all the facts.
if they think criticising you is helpfull than they cant be to smart.
if they are trying to hurt you on purpose, they arent worth you time.

knowing youre working hard, doing the best you can kinda takes the power away from people like that.
cause theyre stupid and dont know honeysuckle so fresia em

 

[Sci-Fi]

Good for you for losing weight.

Taking jabs at someone saying they won't keep it off is a reverse psychology thing that people do without even knowing it. In a way some are motivating you to prove them wrong, and some are probably just being mean. It depends on whether or not they are worth while people in your life or just negative Nelly's. My part timer told me he's going on a diet, not because he's overweight but because he's been working out. He's going to stop any processed sugar, processed red meats, eat more vegetables etc. I've known this kid for almost 2 years and he loves those energy drinks, beef jerky, and junk food. He was bugging me Saturday morning to go to McDonald's for breakfast. I gave him less then a week before he cheats. I hope he proves me wrong, and me acting as though I have no faith in his ability to keep at his diet will only motivate him more.

Blocking people out isn't easy to do, especially if you are the type of person who takes things others say to heart. Which it sounds like you are or you wouldn't be asking. You just have to remind yourself that if all these people are is just critical then their words mean nothing, they are just hollow huffs of wasted air.

 

[Kat]

People wih low self esteem have habits of negative thinking. It's hard to break a habit without starting another habit. Change your habits. Force yourself to think good thoufhts instead of bad. Override the bad thoughts with good ones. Take a piece of paper and write down 5-7 negative thoughts you have. Put a line through each thought. Next or below it write down a positive thought that counters the negative, one from a different perspective even if you don't believe it. Save this paper. Read these every day a couple times a day.

Go out and try new hobbies. Find out what you're good at. Help others...volunteer. Exercise more. Start journal. Get a new haircut. The suggestions are endess.

 

[aquarius]

It is a common problem today. But do not worry. The solution: do something useful, help someone in trouble, find a job, surprise yourself, know that unfortunately, there is always worst lifes then yours, head up and find something that is funny for you. )) Imagine you have 80 years, and are living in a poor country, and you are alone, without anyone else. Hm,sounds bad?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Change your thinking change your life.
As Kat said....your habitual thinking pattern or your perceptions. Your attitude.

The definition of self esteem is SELF WORTH.
It's not other's worth of you.

Dont let poeple rent space in your head. If you run with what other say about you (an Idea)....it'll become your beliefs system.
Beliefs has nothing to do with religion.

One of spiritual beliefs is that you're complete, perfect and whole already.
So...wouldnt need other's approval wouldnt ya?

Praising seeking, love earning, completing, comparing, guilt, shame....these are some unhealthy behaviors
or beliefs that you were tuaght, condition or programmed as a child.
We're all been programmed and is being programmed.

Your thoughts are the CUASED. Your actions are the EFFECT.
Get to the ROOT or source. Change from the inside out is lasting....Such as having positive habitual thinking patterns.

We all have an inner vioce....some of us listen to the negative inner vioce more than our positive ones.

Practice having positive internal dialog with yourself...Or positive self talk.

I made a list of 100 postive things about myself.
Then I made a vioce recording of myself saying those postive things about myself.
I listen to it everyday ( reparenting/reprogramming) to re inforce my brain with positive messages about myself.
It works wonders. I'll hear positive message run through my mind more often throughout my days.

I did the samething with a gradtitude list. i made a list of 100 things to be grateful for...then recorded myself
saying my gradtitude list.

I also do positive affirmations and visualizations...with lots of positive feelings and emotions.
I allow myself to FEEL those positive feelings of recieving anything and everything I want for my life.
You probably had heard people told you....visualize and feel what it's like to feel to be skinny or sexy.
See yourself, act as if..then let it go.
I'm sharing this with you becuase I'm currently living with my fiance.
Renae and I have a history...We separated 4 months ago. We both went our separarted ways.
Not just across town....across the USA. I didnt know if I would ever she her again.
It was very devistating for me....It hurted and it hurted really, really bad.

I would have gone negative. A lot of people didnt belive in my love for Renae or they figure our relationship
was a lost cuase...Yeah, like it would never work...honeysuckle even negative people on this forum make fun of me.

But you know what?...I love Renae. I beleive in myself. I believe in her love for me. I belieiving in us.
With all the bullshit that Reane lived through...Yeah, it's a miracle Renae and I are together today.
It's posible. Anything is possible. If GOD is on our side..that's great too. We need all the help and blessing
we can get...ITS ALL GOOD. I'm allowing myself to be loved and happy today.
I've also taken actions to be with Renae too. I'm putting all my heart and soul into our relationship and lives.
She wants to marry me. We're getting married. I've allow myself to feel all her love for me as my wife.

It was cool...Last night as Renae and I was fooling around she told me...
"YOU CREATED THIS. DO YOU LIKE YOUR CREATION?"...
Then she showered with her love and kissed me all over. We're very much in love. She loves me very much.
Reane is the love of my life. If you know the full depth of our love and relationship and our pass you wouldnt
think we would be together or should be together.

The thing of it is...I havnt mentioned to Renae anything about my positiving thinking or visualizations.

The same principles you can apply for your self esteem or losing weight.
I dint learn these things on my own. I read lots and lots of books and applied the teachings into myself.

Making a recording of myself saying positive messages was also a suggestion I got from a book.
I took those things into actions

 

[Kaiponohea]

I agree with what sci-fi said about proving them wrong. What really helps me when someone says that i cant do something is that i do my best to prove them wrong, turn thier negative into something positive for myself and by doing that ive proved not just to the other person but to myself that yes i can do this. And with each passing time that i prove to someone that i can do something it gets easier and easier for me each time someone tells me something negative

 

[roguewave]

Others have brought up good points but about the weight thing...weight is hard to lose and harder to keep off so others become jealous when they see what you have accomplished. If they tell themselves "oh, that person lost weight but I'm sure they'll gain it back" then they personally don't have to worry as much about their own weight issues. People make those types of comments as a form of self preservation.