Howdy

[Holden76]

This has taken some time for me to write. 

My name is David, and I am a gay male, age 40. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, from the time I was 17. I have been in and out of therapy, and on medication since I was 8 from a suicide attempt. I have attempted suicide at least 5 times. 

I live alone, hardly any relationships with men. I work in Telecommunications. I'm proud that I worked myself up from nothing to where I am today. I like to think I have friends, but they may call themselves other things. On weekends, if I don't have to go out, I prefer to stay in until Monday. Ive tried going out, but I'm always rejected. I feel safer at home, with my two meows ( cats). 

Due to the fact that I was unhappy and unfulfilled at my last job, I found a new job with more money at a smaller company. I interviewed with five different people, and was hired. I came in to learn and to get excited about the career path I had chosen. I've been here since July, and now I want to leave. 

The people here, who once were nice, are now mean, callous, and unfriendly. I have found out that they have constantly talked about me behind my back. Some are not even willing to help me get my feet wet. It is out and out harassment. I also feel like I'm being set up to fail,so they have some grounds. When it came to Telecom, I felt confident about what I knew and how I was able to function in any situation. Now, I find myself second, and third guessing every email, every thought . This has also spread into my personal life. Including me, there are 8 people in this office. 

Today, I am the only person that is in the office, while everyone else has decided to work from home. I also found out that all the co workers were invited to another co worker's house for a party. I was the only one not invited. I heard people talking about what time they were leaving their homes to get to this person's house, and it was in whispers. It also doesn't help that these people who are mean and vicious, they ALL have companions, kids, married, the whole nine yards. They get to go home to other people, while I go home alone, and suffer through the silence. Why do they get to be married, engaged, have kids, live the green life, and I have to wonder if this will be the day that anyone says hi to me in the office, or if I decide to take my life tonight.

 

[Kianda]

Hi David,

I used to have a cat and stay in weekends too!

That's so sad how they make you feel you're the odd one out: it's really important to work in a good environment.

I have worked in business, charity and education sectors, including jobs that made me very unhappy and question the purpose of living.  I decided to do contract work in the end, so that I didn't have to be tied to one place, and then I wanted more time to paint so I went part-time.

The most gay-friendly environment I knew was in education (many lesbian and gay teachers and library staff as I recall) and surprisingly at the Post Office back in the mid-80s when I was a student with a summer job at the Sorting Office. I worked with a couple of gay boys with a great sense of humour and tales of drag queens at Madame JoJos.  Those were the days!

I think that being the only single person in a group of married people is kind of socially awkward - perhaps it's time to find a more suitable (and comfortable) working environment?

 

[MisterLonely]

Hey David,

What Kianda said is very true, if your not happy ot even content with where you are now you should do something about that, you seem to be a pretty confident person and able to talk with others well, I would probably freak out a little about even a single job interview let alone five!

Instead of flat out looking for a different job you might have the necessary skills to improve your work environment, if you want to quit then look for something new, but try if you can to engage in open dialog with your co-workers, thell them in a calm and neutral fashion what you've experienced from them, it would be awesome if they actually saw how mean they have been and offer to change and include you more, but if the only thing you get out of it is just having your say then it will be worth it, and you can still start looking for another job at that point.

 

[Somnambulist]

Dear David,

Thanks for sharing your story. It really struck a chord within me, as our stories are not all that dissimilar in their essence.

It definitely sounds like blatant harassment and also discrimination. The fact that it is a small company may exaggerate the effects on you, because pretty much everyone in the company is involved in mistreating you and you have no one to turn to for help. Harassment is one thing, but if they're not willing to help you learn/do your job, that is not a job you will be able to sustain. It seems to me like you need to get out of there.

All my life, I have been surrounded by ignorance and bullying, similar to what you're going through. So, I really feel your pain. My advice would be for you to start looking (secretively) for a new job, stay professional with your current colleagues, yet minimize contact with them, keep doing your job to the best of your ability, and get out of there as soon as you've found a better work environment.

Unfortunately, discrimination against LGBT people is rampant, despite all the laws and regulations in place ... laws can't change people's prejudices. Try to determine the culture of the workplace at your next job. Larger corporations may provide more insulation/protection against harassment than the smaller company you're currently working for.

Ignorance, bullying, and harassment are the rule, nice people are the exception. It is a fact of life that we have to tolerate. But, I never stoop down to their level ... if I'm being bullied, I try to be the better person, for my own good. You can only control how you treat others, not how they treat you. Do your best, and leave the rest out of your hands.

As for a social life outside of work, have you tried dating/networking sites ? That seems like the obvious place to go for those who have a hard time meeting people.

Best,
~S

 

[Frvmexico]

Sorry to hear that but you sound like a really smart guy.
I do understand how you feel at work and believe me those people are not worth your time.
Loneliness makes us stronger even if it seems like the worst thing.
Try online dating or a new hobby.
Life is not easy my friend and your not alone.
[img=300x300]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cwb-bEXUsAAALP5.jpg[/img]
''dont let your mind play tricks on you. Overthinking and worrying is the cause of unnecessary pain. 
Let go and focus on what you can change.''
-found this in yoga inspiration btw