ohyoubetchayaah
Member
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2011
- Messages
- 10
- Reaction score
- 1
Hello. I am new to these forums; although, I've wrestled with the idea of joining before. Anyway, I don't mean to use this new thread as a means to ***** and moan about my problems; I just feel like venting. If I am out of line in posting this here, or if I am in any way offensive, please feel free to delete this. Thanks.
I'm 21 years old. I haven't had a steady job since 2009 which I quit because I felt I needed "a change". In hindsight, this decision to quit was absolutely idiotic. I was comfortable at that job. The three jobs I've had since haven't lasted long. I quit each of them because I found myself overwhelmed by either panic if I felt I wasn't being productive or shame if I made a mistake.
I still live with my parents, and they're becoming increasingly weary of my lack of motivation. This is another problem. What holds me back from becoming a productive member of society more than my social anxieties is a general lack of motivation. Couple this with the fact that I'm filled with such shame every time someone perceives a fault in me. Thing is, I'm too goddamn lazy to do anything about it but make up fictional stories to compensate for my lack of productivity. I was recently caught in one of these lies by my mother, but rather than man up and admit the truth, I extended the lie. I could see such disappointment in her face as she walked away from me; she claims to believe me, but I know she can see through my bullshit.
I have two friends, one of whom is a drug addict, the other is a hermit crab who is perfectly content being a hermit crab. Suffice it to say, I never go out. On the rare occasion that I do find myself in a social situation, it rarely lasts long. I spend all of my attention trying to make myself appear clever or interesting, but I run out of things to talk about after a few minutes. I have nothing to say to anyone. On top of that, I can never think of anything interesting to do. If people are naturally attracted to spontaneous people, I'm going to have a tough time making friends. I'm going to college in the autumn. I dunno, hopefully I'll be able to meet some people there.
Anyway, I'm trying to take steps towards bettering myself. I'm sorry for taking up space here. Perhaps someone may have a tip or two.
I'm 21 years old. I haven't had a steady job since 2009 which I quit because I felt I needed "a change". In hindsight, this decision to quit was absolutely idiotic. I was comfortable at that job. The three jobs I've had since haven't lasted long. I quit each of them because I found myself overwhelmed by either panic if I felt I wasn't being productive or shame if I made a mistake.
I still live with my parents, and they're becoming increasingly weary of my lack of motivation. This is another problem. What holds me back from becoming a productive member of society more than my social anxieties is a general lack of motivation. Couple this with the fact that I'm filled with such shame every time someone perceives a fault in me. Thing is, I'm too goddamn lazy to do anything about it but make up fictional stories to compensate for my lack of productivity. I was recently caught in one of these lies by my mother, but rather than man up and admit the truth, I extended the lie. I could see such disappointment in her face as she walked away from me; she claims to believe me, but I know she can see through my bullshit.
I have two friends, one of whom is a drug addict, the other is a hermit crab who is perfectly content being a hermit crab. Suffice it to say, I never go out. On the rare occasion that I do find myself in a social situation, it rarely lasts long. I spend all of my attention trying to make myself appear clever or interesting, but I run out of things to talk about after a few minutes. I have nothing to say to anyone. On top of that, I can never think of anything interesting to do. If people are naturally attracted to spontaneous people, I'm going to have a tough time making friends. I'm going to college in the autumn. I dunno, hopefully I'll be able to meet some people there.
Anyway, I'm trying to take steps towards bettering myself. I'm sorry for taking up space here. Perhaps someone may have a tip or two.