I am in a bad way...

[Alex]

The girl I have fancied for ages who I am about to move in with for last year of uni, with 2 other girls just informed me that they all have b/fs now! I think she is back with an ex. This is very hard to deal with...

 

[Wyrm]

If you haven't had a girlfriend yet, then that could be the reason why you're so into this girl who you're not even in a relationship with. My suggestion is to just go out and enjoy your life. Go out to clubs, bookstores, etc, and talk to girls there. You can also try signing up for a dating site. Make a lot of acquaintances, both male and female. Once you get your social skills a little more tuned in and you start talking to/seeing different girls, you'll get over it. You'll soon realize that she's just a person and not the fantasy/dream you may have seen her as all this time.

This is coming from a guy who's also 22 and who has been going through problems in the social/dating department. Once you go out, have fun, and enjoy your life, you'll feel that nothing can stop you, crush you, or hold you back I realize that my solution may not work for someone else, but that's my two cents and I think that it can definitely help a lot of people.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well...be more createtive and more imaginative. Open your mind.

Picture her taking a honeysuckle...That'll take the godess status out of her.

Or picture her with his penis in her mouth or her just getting it on with him.
Beucuse that's what she's doing.
That's like a total fucken turn off for me...I don't fucken share.

She's not into you...life sucks. It is what it is. Stop torturing yourself.

There's plenty of beautiful women on this planet that's hawter, sweeter, sexier than her.

Go out with other chicks, a bounch of them. It'll kill 2 birds in 1 stone.
It'll ease your pains. then she'll get jealous and want you to bang her too
Do it with confidence. Women loves that.
If some chicks say your a player or a male whore..well bang them too.
Oh man.... what I would give to be 22 again. Hawt women eating out of my hands.

It's a god send dude...2 babes under the same roof. Holy mother of god.
They're tellin you that so you can get into them...

 

[Brian]

Crow, your 'picture her taking a honeysuckle' thing actually kind of works for me. Boy, what a reality check!

But the whole 'picture her shagging another guy' thing just pisses me off and makes me depressed, lol. I think that one's kind of like telling a homeless guy to picture his rich friend with a gigantic hamburger.

 

[loketron]

alex i feel your pain.
and while you may think shes pretty and a goddess, shes only human. theres other fish in the sea my friend.
you sound alot like me, i had this girl for 6 months and when we split i am still obsesed with getting back with her. but who knows if that will ever happen, right? if your hiding yourself to her you ABSOLUTLY need to come out with it if its causing you to cry in pain. tell her how you really feel, even if she does have someone shes dating right now and she has no idea what you feell. and maybe re-consider moving in with them if this is going to be to much for you to deal with.
you gotta do whats good for you ok. good......

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Please don't take it the wrong way. I tormented myself with a woman.
I lived with her for 12 years..it was very, very difficult to let go of her.
I was extremely attached to her.
Suffering is optional...you don't need to torment yourself.
It hurts bad when someone dosn't love you back.
Holding on to her just drove me crazy as life passed me by.
As time passed by I drown deeper and deeper into my sorrows.
It made it more difficult for me to crawl out of a hole I dug for myself.
I got sicker and sicker. It wasn't healthy for me.

I just hate to see other people to have to go through that...becuase it's not neccessary.
It's painful as a son of a ***** too...but it's still not neccessary.

At the end of the day...I'm having to date other women and move
on with my life anyways. I could had easily done it a year ago if
I wasn't so caught up into myself and my sorrows.
I'm bascailly at the same cross roads as I was last year.
DATE other women....

You also have to understand by you being cliggie or still in you ealry development of inneracting with women.
You're acting like a little boy. It turns women off big time. Women don't want to be your mommy.
Some women are not going to tell you that in front of yourface...but that's what she thinks.
Some will...if you inneract with more of them.

You're so young. You have so much live and experince.
Allow yourself to go live and experince.
Date lots and lots of women so you can gain experince. Live...
Let go of the guilt and shame or the perfect ideas that you hold or fantacy.
It's like a fairy tail..Life is not always like that.
There's differnt women..They're not all are the same.
You'll be amaze at yourself. You'll actaully have feelings for other women
and fall in love with another woman...But you gatta give yourself a break and Allow yourself.

Experince other things in life as will...friends, art, music,history, nature..etc
Whatever it is that brings you joy aside then women.
These other things will also fullfil your soul , heart and mind.

 

[Alex]

hey guys, thanks for all your replys they did help, and the imagining her taking a honeysuckle did help too.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's same reason my ex-wf used to scream at the top of her lungs while we were having sex in my dorm room.
It's the same reasons why she used to give hickies on my neck.
It's the same reasons why she wore my shirts.
It's the same reason why she used to write "Mike Loves Michelle" on my car.
It's the same reason why she used to call the office.
It's the same reason why she hugs and kiss in public in front of everyone..mostly other women.

It turned off other women to me that I had inneractions with.

It's the same reason why she told me she was getting married again even though she say
she still loves and care about me as a person...
It totally truned me off to her...

It's the same reason why couples shouldn't cheat and why it's so hard to rebuild a relationship
after infidelity. Even if some level of trust had been regain...
It's just a total turn off for alot of people to imagine someone they love having feelings or sex with
someone else.

I have jealous feelings just like everyone else...it's the way I process it and what turns me off.
I'll do anything to prevent my partner even if she was having mixed feelings between her and I.
My ex-wf was a super model as hawt as can be. About as goddess as you're going to get...
However...when I know she's touching someone else...It totally turns me off.

After all she did merried me...they are some triats that she knows me very, very will.
She knows what turns me on and what turns me off.
Her flirting with other men might makes me feel bad. It's a turn off never the less. And I won't chase her.
There's lines, certain things I just don't cross or deem unacceptiable to me.

On other words..she wants you to think of her as a slut, so it'll turn you off. So you can get on with your life and get over her.

 

[Estreen]

hey guys, thanks for all your replys they did help, and the imagining her taking a honeysuckle did help too. However, I moved in today, and she told me that 'they had all had sex yesterday' meaning her and her room-mates with their b.fs. I got really pissed off and walked out the house like an insane person, (in a quiet, passive aggressive way). I have calmed down slightly now, but yes, living with her might be hard...I am painfully jealous at the image of them having sex, why did she have to tell me? her room is next to mine, so I might have to hear it one day...!

Why the heck would she tell you that?!

Sounds a little whorish to just come out all casually and be like, "Yeah, so we all had sex with our boyfriends yesterday, no big deal" What the hell. You are not "one of the girls"; you're a guy! She should have more sensitivity, regardless if she knows how you feel about her or not. That actually kinda pisses me off.

If she continues with stuff like that, you need to tell her how you feel, and lay down some personal boundaries with her, and the others for that matter. If they don't like it, then maybe you should thinking about seeking another place for residency. However, I wouldn't give up just yet.

 

[Alex]

Thanks Estreen! I agree! she is now saying she didn't say this though. Just to update you in my wonderful life, it is now 8.36pm here in england. I had to go upstairs because her boyfriend came over and i didn't want to be around them in the living room. So I am just sitting here for the evening! It is insane! I don't have any other friends here to see coz I didn't make any friends here at uni all my friends are back home. I'm tempted to just go to a bar or something, but I don't think I have the confidence to approach people, especially in this state, I would reek of desperation. Plus alcahol would fresia me up more. I am literally gonna sit in my small room all evening. This is terrible. Im gonna try my hardest to look for a job tomorow. I just need one contact out there...I can't believe my life is like this...Its kinda depressing to know life can feel this bad.

 

[Alex]

As a further update, I went out was better than staying in...didnt meet anyone but still.

 

[Estreen]

That is majorly sucky Alex, but I am glad that you decided to go out for a bit. Definitely look into getting a job (a lot of times my main source of daily social interactions have been with co-workers, when I had a job).

Also, I'm in my second quarter here at my college/uni, and I still haven't really made many "friends" so to speak. There is one woman whom I do pal around with and talk to during classes and hang out with between classes, but as for outside of school, not really. I had roommates here, but they both moved so for the past 7 weeks I've been here by myself. While it's nice not having to worry about the possible stressful situations that comes with living with others, I do miss just having other people around, in general.

Right now, I know this feels horrible, but it can only really get better if you think about it. =] You will get more comfortable at your uni and in your surroundings, and eventually WILL make a friend or two (at least) if you really want to. Just try your best to remain positive, and you can achieve it. It may sound corny, but I say this with having had lots of experience with depression, anxiety, and socializing problems, and this is what I've come to know that generally works. So please hang in there. =]

If you ever need to, I'm open to talk, so just shoot me a PM if you ever feel really lonely and have no one to talk to. =]

*hugs*

 

[Alex]

That is majorly sucky Alex, but I am glad that you decided to go out for a bit. Definitely look into getting a job (a lot of times my main source of daily social interactions have been with co-workers, when I had a job).

Also, I'm in my second quarter here at my college/uni, and I still haven't really made many "friends" so to speak. There is one woman whom I do pal around with and talk to during classes and hang out with between classes, but as for outside of school, not really. I had roommates here, but they both moved so for the past 7 weeks I've been here by myself. While it's nice not having to worry about the possible stressful situations that comes with living with others, I do miss just having other people around, in general.

Right now, I know this feels horrible, but it can only really get better if you think about it. =] You will get more comfortable at your uni and in your surroundings, and eventually WILL make a friend or two (at least) if you really want to. Just try your best to remain positive, and you can achieve it. It may sound corny, but I say this with having had lots of experience with depression, anxiety, and socializing problems, and this is what I've come to know that generally works. So please hang in there. =]

If you ever need to, I'm open to talk, so just shoot me a PM if you ever feel really lonely and have no one to talk to. =]

*hugs*

Thanks a lot for your message Estreen. I gave in cvs today everywhere so I feel glad that I am really trying for a job. Though the same thing is happening tonight with him with her. Yet I feel like though it still sucks I will slowly become habituated to it, I think this is already happening, I can almost picture myself being 'free' of her one day! Which has been impossible for almost a year, yet in a few days of actually living with her perhaps her goddess status is slowly being diminished! (I say all this now I will probably be weeping into a shrine made of her in an hour).