I am painfully miserable at this point.

[Kaiten350]

This may be quite a bit long to read, but any guidance or advice will be greatly appreciated. I am just at this point in my life where I am terribly lost. Thank you guys


I am currently 19 years old. Growing up, I didn't have many friends except my two best friends that I've known since my early childhood.

My two best friends, Alex & Steve, aren't in my life anymore and it truly sucks. I had a special connection with both of them. We all had a very similar sense of humor, we knew everything about one another, we had similar common interests, but in the end it all fell apart. I stopped talked to both of them for the following reasons.

Alex & I were incredibly close growing up. We knew each other for 8 years or so. 2011 came around, and he just began to isolate himself and started ignoring people for no particular reason. I kept trying to contact him, invite him to hang out, but it was futile. There was nothing I can do. He just didn't want to socialize anymore. He just became depressed, or bitter or something. I felt like I had no choices left. He simply didn't care about anything any longer so I just gave up on him and I just stopped caring as well. I tried so hard to get him to hang out with me and spend time but it was a lost cause I realized.

My second best friend, Steve. I knew him for 8 years as well. He was always a huge part of my life, but as the years progressed, he grew less and less reliable, and started to devalue our friendship. He would stop talking to me, he would stop calling, barely wanted to hang out, and overall didn't seem to really want to be around my life because he had other friends so he didn't really care about what we had. I realized that it was pointless to keep trying to get through to him and make him care, so I gave up in the end.

So as you can see, both friendships ended in the same way. Both of my best friends just stopped caring. They began to value my friendship less and less, up to the point where they just wouldn't call me or talk to me for months. And it wasn't because of anything I did. I was always there for them. I was always a wonderful friend and companion, and they just didn't realize how genuine of a person I was. It truly sucks because people like me aren't very common. I am nothing but a good friend, I have really good qualities and yet I feel like nobody gives a **** about that.

It's just very depressing. I knew both of my best friends since my early childhood. We grew up together, grew up developing similar interests, similar personalities, etc. How am I supposed to find that in a new person? There is no way. I just can't do that. Me and my best friends have a long history and being able to replace that just doesn't seem possible at all. How am I supposed to meet somebody like them? I just can't meet new people. Everytime I meet a new person, I realize how different I am from them. Nobody out there is like me. Which is probably why I have such a hard time meeting people.

Like I said, my two best friends and I were very similar. But finding that similarity in a person in real life just doesn't seem possible at this point in my life. I mean, I'm already 19. I have a job, I am constantly social at my job, but nobody clicks with me. Or rather, I can't click with anybody. I just feel too detached from society.

It's funny though. I have 2 - 3 friends online who I have a huge connection with, and I wonder why I can't meet somebody in real life and develop a similar connection like that.. It's just.. I don't even know at this point. I just don't know how to get out of this.

 

[Tiina63]

From what you say, it sounds as if the two situations are different, even though the the end results are the same.
Re. Alex-it sounds as if he might be suffering from depression, as he is isolating himself and doesn't care about anything any more. If so, then maybe if you give him time and space to recover, he may contact you again when he feels a bit better. When I am down, I can't handle being with people, and it does sound to me as if this is what is happening here.
Re. Steve. It sounds as though he he has changed a lot and maybe found people he feels he now has more in common with. Sadly this does happen a lot in friendships, especially at your age.
Finding new friends is not easy, but if you go out and mix with people, hopefully you will eventually click with someone. It isn't the same when there is no shared history, but you have time to build up history with others.

 

[Lua]

It's just very depressing. I knew both of my best friends since my early childhood. We grew up together, grew up developing similar interests, similar personalities, etc. How am I supposed to find that in a new person? There is no way. I just can't do that. Me and my best friends have a long history and being able to replace that just doesn't seem possible at all. How am I supposed to meet somebody like them? I just can't meet new people. Everytime I meet a new person, I realize how different I am from them. Nobody out there is like me. Which is probably why I have such a hard time meeting people.

Like I said, my two best friends and I were very similar. But finding that similarity in a person in real life just doesn't seem possible at this point in my life. I mean, I'm already 19. I have a job, I am constantly social at my job, but nobody clicks with me. Or rather, I can't click with anybody. I just feel too detached from society.

I know that feeling so well. When I started going to university, my two best friends, with whom I shared sense of humour, interests and everything else, were both abroad, so I was extremely lonely. I hardly had any other friends and the only type of friendship I knew and valued was this intense, sharing-everything kind. When I met my new fellow students, I talked to them and tried to socialise, but I always felt bored and as if I was too different from them.

I've been studying for three years now and I hugely regret not trying harder. Many of them are really nice people and I think if I had dropped the idea that you have to instantly click with someone, they could be friends instead of faint acquaintances now. While those intense friendships are pretty much the best you can get, I've learnt from my best friend that other forms of friendship can also be fun. She started attending a new school two years ago and initially, she didn't enjoy spending time with her classmates because they didn't have common interests and so on. Still, some of them have become really good friends now because she just spent time with them anyway and got to know them better.

I don't know if this applies to you at all, but I was definitely too picky in finding friends. It's obvious that you have to get along with someone to become friends with them, but I think in the beginning it may feel more difficult than you'd expect because you have to get used to them first. The main problem with my group of fellow students was that they all seemed so "normal". They all had boyfriends, listened to mainstream music, were sporty and so on, while I had a notion implanted in my brain that I was somehow different and they wouldn't understand me. The problem is that if you don't know people well, they all seem normal and don't show their quirks right away. Again, I don't know if this applies to you, but if it does, just try to be open, meet new people and eventually someone will click with you, although maybe not right away. I really hope you'll find someone soon!