Hikikomori
New member
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2013
- Messages
- 3
- Reaction score
- 0
Hello.
My name is completely irrelevant, although you can call me John. It's not my real name, but I like it.
I have been feeling alone since 2011. I certainly do not have friends. No friends at school, no friends anywhere. I thought I had a friend I met in a forum some years ago, but I think we're not as connected as we used to be back then.
I'm deranged. I'm sick. I'm twisted. I'm a suicide machine. I'm a walking delusion. I'm definitely mentally ill. I have had two suicide attempts in the past two years because I can't stand this (although I'm not willing to do it again). I cannot stand my mental conditions and I cannot stand solitude.
My classmates are not compatible with me. They do not understand me. I'm 15 years old, so I'm still in high school and I'm being tortured.
I thought I was compatible with my only "friend", the above-mentioned guy, but I have realised I'm not. I do not only need friends, I would also like to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It's the same for me, mostly because it would be easier for me to find someone to love. But I'm not looking for that in this forum, it would be too much.
I just want a friend. Someone whom I could deepen my friendship with (I'm not really sure about about this sentence; English is not even my first language). I do not like those shallow relationships teenagers usually have. They do not even take care of each other. I want a friend to understand me and I'm so deranged that almost no one can.
I'm not usually this desperate, but I have attempted suicide some days ago by taking bromazepam, abilify and an entire bottle of Johnnie Walker (Black Label... my grandmother still wants to kill me). I actually vomited, so I'm still alive. I hope my entreaties won't be ignored. We all share this feeling of emptiness regarding our social lives, I think.
I can't make friends because I'm not normal. I do not consider myself to be more intelligent than anyone, but merely so different that no one could feel anything towards me.
By the way, I live in Argentina, South America. My first language is Spanish. I do not sound as pedantic when I speak English.
My biggest fear is to die alone. I don't want to turn 60 and realise that I'm going to commit suicide just because I'm lonely.
Thank you for your attention.
My name is completely irrelevant, although you can call me John. It's not my real name, but I like it.
I have been feeling alone since 2011. I certainly do not have friends. No friends at school, no friends anywhere. I thought I had a friend I met in a forum some years ago, but I think we're not as connected as we used to be back then.
I'm deranged. I'm sick. I'm twisted. I'm a suicide machine. I'm a walking delusion. I'm definitely mentally ill. I have had two suicide attempts in the past two years because I can't stand this (although I'm not willing to do it again). I cannot stand my mental conditions and I cannot stand solitude.
My classmates are not compatible with me. They do not understand me. I'm 15 years old, so I'm still in high school and I'm being tortured.
I thought I was compatible with my only "friend", the above-mentioned guy, but I have realised I'm not. I do not only need friends, I would also like to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It's the same for me, mostly because it would be easier for me to find someone to love. But I'm not looking for that in this forum, it would be too much.
I just want a friend. Someone whom I could deepen my friendship with (I'm not really sure about about this sentence; English is not even my first language). I do not like those shallow relationships teenagers usually have. They do not even take care of each other. I want a friend to understand me and I'm so deranged that almost no one can.
I'm not usually this desperate, but I have attempted suicide some days ago by taking bromazepam, abilify and an entire bottle of Johnnie Walker (Black Label... my grandmother still wants to kill me). I actually vomited, so I'm still alive. I hope my entreaties won't be ignored. We all share this feeling of emptiness regarding our social lives, I think.
I can't make friends because I'm not normal. I do not consider myself to be more intelligent than anyone, but merely so different that no one could feel anything towards me.
By the way, I live in Argentina, South America. My first language is Spanish. I do not sound as pedantic when I speak English.
My biggest fear is to die alone. I don't want to turn 60 and realise that I'm going to commit suicide just because I'm lonely.
Thank you for your attention.
