i can only confide in you guys

[whispers]

But i'm seriously thinking of leaving. My children just moved with me and my boyfriend, they are very happy. We are all settled now, thing is things arent going well with me and him, a little thing realy that hurt me alot, and he doesnt try to reassure me. When i threatened to leave... he didnt argue, i feel he wants me to leave....
i'm tired, cant do it again. I'll just leave him everything, call the girls dad so he can come and get them...and i'll go. I'm soooo tired and hurting, no more strenght...

 

[perfanoff]

hugs, whispers, you will find your way!

 

[Trent]

i'm sorry to hear that

is he intentionally being cold or is he just a stupid male?

there is a difference, y'know

 

[whispers]

Thanks guys, i think he is just clueless, didnt understand how he was hurting me. Well i let it out at him, (i'm not violent, it was calm) and he did seem to understand some of it...that said, for now i am just ok. I'm still shaking inside, still hurting, still wondering if i will make it through tommorow, but he did apologize and say he loved me. But asked me not to put down his new friend he made saturday night, because she is very nice lol, if she was so nice she would have had enough respect for me not to hit on my boyfriend . Not sure i know how i feel about that one, but i told him i cant like her...she didnt do anything for me to like her... I dont know what i will do if he stays friends with her. He didnt see the flirting !!!

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Oh man. I was in an emotional abusive relationship for three years. We went on and off, he went off the deep end and started doing drugs. It got out of hand when he asked for a 3some with a young girl, but I mean younger like 16. And I said No. We broke up a few days after that and told me he needed to be alone. I'm so much better without him, I hope this isn't the case for you but I hope things get better for you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sometimes guys don't notice the flirting, we just like the extra attention. If you've opened his eyes to that he may just take extra notice to how his new friend acts around him next time. You seem pretty smart and level headed so I say trust your instincts.

 

[whispers]

Wallflower, i'm sorry yo went trhough that, but i think sometimes things happen forus to stand up for ourselves. I dont think this is the case for me, this was an isolated incident and it brought back bad memories from my previous relationship. I guess i am saturated, i will not take even a little bit of bullshit, my ex fed me bullshit for two lifetimes lol.
Scifi, i beleive you are right, he said he was having fun with everyone and didnt notice anything different with this girl, i did point out a few things that she did and he seemed to understand. I do think that next time he will be cautious. He also told me to tell him if i feel threatened by someone, because he usualy doesnt see it.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Question: do you think you are easily threatened by other women in general who chat with him? I don't say that as a failing on your part, btw: I have been there. Do you feel insecure around him because you don't trust him? Do you often get into fights so that he has to keep saying he loves you in order for you to feel satisfied? If he is a faithful guy, be careful that this doesn't turn into a self-fulling prophesy, where if you accuse him of things, he winds up doing them because you think he is going to anyway. Also, watch to see that you take care to not fall into black-and-white thinking (here I'm referring to how he didn't reassure you so you thought you should leave him: that's pretty dramatic, isn't it?) or making assumptions without talking to him.

Just asking questions based on personal experience.

 

[Shak]

As men are stupid. They won't see flirting. they see a "Nice Girl".
As Girls are B****es. They don't notice flirting. they just see themselves as "talking"

Negative Impact is upon the person who is hurt. And Negativity comes from the person who is hurt.
In this case, if you are upset about the "nice friend" he made, he will see you as a person who is being negative, and not her. It's how the mind works of someone who is laid back and doesn't expect it.

This is a One-Off thing right? Let it be, and I can't believe i am going to say this (being a guy and all), Seduce your man so you have him under your control, so no girl can steal him away.

I have a lot of friends who are unaware of such people... and then *sigh* i have friends who ARE the such people i speak of. and those are: The type that STEAL someone away from someone, because they CAN not because they have any interest. Evil. Evil. People.
(Please don't judge my friendship issues. I am here in this forum because i connect with no one, so i end up making all types of friends. gahh)

Hope you find the light you seek and hope you feel better and get through everyday without doubts in your mind. you are fine. and you will be happy, as long as you expect yourself to reach the goal of being happy.

 

[hopsfox]

*hugs* Good thing you braved speaking about your feelings.

In my experience there are people who have antennae and I've met quite a few guys who notice, being hit upon straight away, but it seems many don't notice, especially when drunk, being at a sports event or engrossed in work. My ex husband never even remembered people's names and he wasn't an a-hole. Very caring but he just din't notice how people looked or was dressed, just the conversations verbatim.

 

[whispers]

Hi sarah, ususaly i am very secure, but i have a sixth sense and it realy pisses me off when flirting goes on under my nose. I dont think my boyfriend would cheat, he was drunk and enjoyed the attention. He talked with other single girls and i didnt mind, i talked with men also. Anyway as i said my ex used to have a blast at betraying me...so i'm fed up. I was not going to leave him... i was going to commit suicide, it was not just because of him , but because of the whole love situation throughout my life, i'm just tired of hurting and seems like the hurt feels stronger each time it happens. We have talked alot about it, he understands my reasonning now, and i understand his. We dont fight, we've only had one since we are together, we talk about stuff. Thanks your questions did make me think.

Shak, you got it... i,m the party breaker, the no fun one. No one noticed actualy, i faked it until i couldnt stand it anymore and i left so that everyone could keep having fun....i was going to get mean. What happenned after i left was what hurt the most, in pictures they look like a couple, it made me sick, i should have stayed and get the parasite away, but i was too angry to keep my cool, and i trusted my boyfriend, hoping he wouldnt fall into the trap. I too have friends that are serial boyfriend or husband stealers, i know how they operate and i can recognise one when i see one.

Hopsfox, thanks

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Hi sarah, ususaly i am very secure, but i have a sixth sense and it realy pisses me off when flirting goes on under my nose. I dont think my boyfriend would cheat, he was drunk and enjoyed the attention. He talked with other single girls and i didnt mind, i talked with men also. Anyway as i said my ex used to have a blast at betraying me...so i'm fed up. I was not going to leave him... i was going to commit suicide, it was not just because of him , but because of the whole love situation throughout my life, i'm just tired of hurting and seems like the hurt feels stronger each time it happens. We have talked alot about it, he understands my reasonning now, and i understand his. We dont fight, we've only had one since we are together, we talk about stuff. Thanks your questions did make me think.

Sigh, you're welcome. That's great that you guys are talking about your feelings. Remember that you don't have to hurt, luv!
Good relationships don't hurt its members.

 

[Gutted]

You should worry less. By not arguing with you, your Man is probably trying to show you that he wants to do what you want to do. If you don't want to fight with him, he may be simply not reacting to prevent a fight. Of course I don't know the situation and at this time of the morning, my Brain is only at 25% capacity. It's just.. I had something a little like this with an Ex. She wanted to break up with me. So I said "Okay.. If that's what you want then I wont stop you.." But then she was like.. "Why don't you fight for me?" Then I was like.. "WTF Biatch?! Don't ***** with me!" Then I totally hit her in the head with a Banana. But seriously, she asked why I didn't fight for her. But that was confusing as it looked like she wanted out.. So it was a lose lose for me. We didn't break up that night. But we did a few months later for reasons I've yet to find out.

 

[Veilside05]

Hi Whispers, the key to a good relationship is communication as it will give both a better understanding of each other. You are probably insecure because of your past experiences. Once you leave, the other girl wins. If you feel that this is the right guy loves you and can accept you and your past, you should not give up unless he gives you up. Talk to him more about your feelings. If he is the one, he will listen and make some changes for you. Its true some people can be really clueless about hurting others cos of different perspectives.

 

[whispers]

Thanks everyone, Gutted, i know what you are talking about, i'm used to alot of fighting and manipulation. He doesnt play lol, its ok, i dont want to play either, i just slip up sometimes, he does also as he had a mind game relationship before me. So we keep reminding ourselves to not play games. So when i told him i would leave , he didnt argue, and i took it as ''thats what he wanted''. Anyway its all good now. Just need a little work so we dont fall into old patterns, but i think he is the one

Veilside and Sarah, thanks for your kind words, we are off to a good start, we do communicate alot...this is honestly the beat relationship i have ever had, i hope i dont go and ruin it with my freak out moments lol

 

[Veilside05]

You should do fine since you know this is the best relationship you had. Just work things out together. If you have issues, can also look for advise in the forum. Definately alot of kind souls out for you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sounds like things worked out for you Whispers, that's good to hear.