Paranoid Android
Member
I am really at the end of my rope here. The emptiness that I feel has been growing since the beginning of the semester, and it should not be happening. I have a loving family and a great group of friends who I am fairly sure care about me. It sickens me to say that I do not feel much emotion anymore, and as a result I do not feel very connected to them. Even to my best friend, the one who I broke down to a few nights ago because I felt like I was dying. She is the only one who I feel anything real toward. She is the only one who makes me feel comfortable, and I think I scared her away. I feel the hole inside me grow, and it feels like it is eating me alive. I want to feel again. I want to be able to trust someone again. I want to be able to feel connected to someone.
But I am slowly realizing it isnt coming. I have the feeling that I am going to die not knowing what it is like to love. I cannot take the emptiness I feel any longer. It is becoming apparent that the only way to escape the horrifyibg numbness I feel is through a hole in my head.
This thought terrifys me. I do not want to die, but I feel like the emptiness inside is going to kill me. Please, I do not know what to do anymore. I just want to be able to feel something again.
But I am slowly realizing it isnt coming. I have the feeling that I am going to die not knowing what it is like to love. I cannot take the emptiness I feel any longer. It is becoming apparent that the only way to escape the horrifyibg numbness I feel is through a hole in my head.
This thought terrifys me. I do not want to die, but I feel like the emptiness inside is going to kill me. Please, I do not know what to do anymore. I just want to be able to feel something again.