cumulus.james
Well-known member
I deliberately keep away from my parents. I would rather spend christmas alone that with them. Growing up it was a typical patriarchy, rule was backed up with violence. Difference not tolerated. They could be mean at the best of times; the coldness forced the siblings to compete against each other for what little glimpse of attention might be offered. But more that any of that was the rabid homophobia. Not only did it force me to hide myself, and to go through it alone, it turned me against myself - I internalized that homophobia and turned it inwards on myself.
It is not native to your own internal psychology to hate yourself, for this to occur work must be done on it by outside forces. One then spends ones life be blamed for the fractured state of one's selfhood that one had no hand in the creation thereof.
The broken, fractured, fragmented self is not easy to recompose. Especially since you are to be held to account for your own damage for the rest of your life.
It is not native to your own internal psychology to hate yourself, for this to occur work must be done on it by outside forces. One then spends ones life be blamed for the fractured state of one's selfhood that one had no hand in the creation thereof.
The broken, fractured, fragmented self is not easy to recompose. Especially since you are to be held to account for your own damage for the rest of your life.