I cringe when my roomate knocks

[snow]

This might be a little different post that you are used to...but it's the flip side of the loneliness coin...

My roomate is usually drunk by the time I get home from work and I just cant stand to be around him anymore.

He and I were good friends for a while before he moved in my house (I live with parents). Now he has absolutely no other friends besides me. We got along fine then but in the months he's lived here I realized why each and every one of his friends and acquaintances pushed him away. Yes he's an alcoholic. But his problems are also weak social skills (not to be confused with shyness, just he doesn't communicate in a friendly way). He also has a very 'thin skin' and when he's drunk he'll take things you say in the wrong way and suddenly go in a rage, or get frustrated over almost anything. He punched his last best friend in the face. (which he wouldn't dare do to me I know I could easily take him) And then he always complains about having nobody....

I don't know what to do with him. I've called him out on the drinking a few times and told him he was sensitive. And I just can't hang out with him anymore. I try not to totally blow him off because that would be the worst. I want to just kick him out of my house but feel too sorry for him.
Especially since I've helped him in the last 3 months when he needed me and gave him so much encouragement to succeed in getting his CDL.
(truck driving license)

Aaaaaaaaaaggggggh! Help me!!!

 

[keeper]

Hi snow,
Have you tried to talk to him when he's sober? Maybe you could explain him that his problems depend on the fact he's addicted to alcohol and suggest him to ask for counsel.
I hope it helps.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hmm. Well to throw it on the flip side again, remember to treat him as you would have him treat you. What if YOU were the alcoholic? And drunk? And worried? And sad? And Scared? And had no one else to turn to?

 

[Blue Sky]

It's very hard to talk to an alcoholic because most of them are in denial and won't confess to having a problem with the drink at all, they will blame everything else that is going on in there life, beside there alcoholism. So it's a very hard situation. Maybe you could suggest to this person that they should consider getting some help because there alcoholism is affecting you. But only they can help themselves, many alcoholics won't seek help until they have hit there rock bottom and can't cope anymore at all.

 

[Vortex]

Hey snow,
I would highly suggest you begin to concentrate on your own needs instead of his. Dealing with an alcoholic is difficult, and we can easily become so concerned about them that we begin to overlook our own needs and lives in our attempt to "help" them which usually only allows them to further degredate.

It's great that you gave him encouragement, but afterall he's an adult and makes his own decisions. You cannot "fix" this person. He will not stop drinking until he decides to. It would be superior for you to analyze your own needs and then begin to impliment boundaries which support those.

It's ok to have needs. It's ok to put yourself first. Neither of these are a crime when dealing with an addicted personality.

Good Luck

This might be a little different post that you are used to...but it's the flip side of the loneliness coin...

My roomate is usually drunk by the time I get home from work and I just cant stand to be around him anymore.

He and I were good friends for a while before he moved in my house (I live with parents). Now he has absolutely no other friends besides me. We got along fine then but in the months he's lived here I realized why each and every one of his friends and acquaintances pushed him away. Yes he's an alcoholic. But his problems are also weak social skills (not to be confused with shyness, just he doesn't communicate in a friendly way). He also has a very 'thin skin' and when he's drunk he'll take things you say in the wrong way and suddenly go in a rage, or get frustrated over almost anything. He punched his last best friend in the face. (which he wouldn't dare do to me I know I could easily take him) And then he always complains about having nobody....

I don't know what to do with him. I've called him out on the drinking a few times and told him he was sensitive. And I just can't hang out with him anymore. I try not to totally blow him off because that would be the worst. I want to just kick him out of my house but feel too sorry for him.
Especially since I've helped him in the last 3 months when he needed me and gave him so much encouragement to succeed in getting his CDL.
(truck driving license)

Aaaaaaaaaaggggggh! Help me!!!

 

[snow]

I'm just going to tell him like it is from now on. No more walking on eggshells. If he tries me again I'll tell him to get out. If he wants to be my friend he will have to make me like him more.

Anyway I am trying to cut down my own drinking (if you read my post in the alcohol thread). As far as 'boundaries' if I don't want to drink that night, I will just not hang out in his room with him. Or go out with my other friends for that matter. I hope this helps him better than just going along with whatever he says most of the time. If he gets mad then I'll just watch him make a fool out of himself.

Thanks everyone

Hey snow,
I would highly suggest you begin to concentrate on your own needs instead of his. Dealing with an alcoholic is difficult, and we can easily become so concerned about them that we begin to overlook our own needs and lives in our attempt to "help" them which usually only allows them to further degredate.

It's great that you gave him encouragement, but afterall he's an adult and makes his own decisions. You cannot "fix" this person. He will not stop drinking until he decides to. It would be superior for you to analyze your own needs and then begin to impliment boundaries which support those.

It's ok to have needs. It's ok to put yourself first. Neither of these are a crime when dealing with an addicted personality.

Good Luck