I don't even know why I'm posting this

[Lynth]

It's 4:00am in the morning and I can't sleep. I just finished listening to the girl in the apartment beside me having sex and I have such a rush of emotions right now: jealousy, guilt, shame, anger, sadness. I'm such a sick fresia. I mean really? Who the fresia purposely puts their ear to the wall to hear some girl moaning while getting railed on the other side of the wall? I listened to her have orgasm after orgasm for at least 25 min...Why do I feel such shame and hate towards myself for doing this? This isn't me and I would never admit this to anyone in real life.

I don't know why any of this matters, why it's worth telling someone. I don't know why I should care about any of this, all I know is that I do care. I'm hate feeling like I need to be in a relationship to be able to properly manage my mental well-being. I hate feeling like I need someone to satisfy me emotionally and physically. I really feel like if I don't get laid, I'm going to be so messed up when I'm older that I might as well just slit my wrists in a bath tub.

And worst of all, I don't even make a decent effort to get into a relationship because I'm so unsure of whether or not I truly want one. Which in turn, completely screws me over since confidence seems to be what girls find attractive mostly.

It's like: "Well, I've tried so hard to be happy being single, guess I should try finding some girl to fresia, it helps most people". THIS PISSES ME OFF TO NO ******* END!!

I'm extremely open-minded and accepting but I just hate acknowledging this reality of life.

I'm just so tired of this internal struggle. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Listening to sex can be very erotic, at least I think so... no judgment will come free me.

Maybe you should go out and have a relationship. You say you are unsure of if you want one. What better way to find out than to have one? It is like saying you are not sure if you want Mushrooms on your pizza, if you have never tried mushrooms on a pizza. Without the experience you cannot make a sound decision.

 

[edgecrusher]

i agree with frozensoul. nothing wrong with listening to it. to be honest for me its kind of a thing to see or even just hear a woman legitemately and intensely "get off."
im pretty much in the same boat as you though. i feel the same way and i make no real life effort to find anyone. just online. part of that has to do with the area i live in. but most of it has to do with how shy i am when it comes to women and what i am looking for.

 

[Limlim]

So.... Are you gonna record it the next time she does it for us or what?

 

[edgecrusher]

So.... Are you gonna record it the next time she does it for us or what?

lmao

 

[IgnoredOne]

Nothing too horrible.

You do need to address your confidence, but that is a long and complicated process. How old are you?

 

[Lynth]

Nothing too horrible.

You do need to address your confidence, but that is a long and complicated process. How old are you?

I'm 26, will be 27 in two months. At this age, I can't help but feel like I'm just lying to myself that sex isn't the main thing I want out of a relationship and with that in mind, I'm feel like I'm just another ******* that just wants a girl for her body more than anything else.

Anytime I see a girl that interests me, I can't help but feel shame and anxiety when I think about asking a her out. Like the predominant reason I'm really asking her just out is so I can potentially get in her pants.

I'm afraid I'll become more depressed when (not if) my first relationship fails. And I don't want to take the chance and prove myself right.

It's really stupid when I think about it objectively. I mean, I have no sexual experience yet I'm so certain of the outcome and I don't think I can be proven wrong. So naive, I know, but I still believe I'm right but I don't want to prove it. I'd rather pussy out and stay in my safety zone to protect myself from being hurt.

So.... Are you gonna record it the next time she does it for us or what?

No, but if you want a little more details she was quiet most of the time and I mostly heard the bed squeak or skin slap together and every once in a while she'd couldn't help it and let out a slight scream you knew she was trying to hold back.

God this is so not like me typing this to total strangers. I feel very awkward now. Whatever though, it helps me to not be so ashamed of my dirty thoughts.

 

[edgecrusher]

At this age, I can't help but feel like I'm just lying to myself that sex isn't the main thing I want out of a relationship and with that in mind, I'm feel like I'm just another ******* that just wants a girl for her body more than anything else.

Anytime I see a girl that interests me, I can't help but feel shame and anxiety when I think about asking a her out. Like the predominant reason I'm really asking her just out is so I can potentially get in her pants.

wow, that is something i have thought to myself many times as well. that is pretty much exactly how i would describe myself as far as that goes.

and dont feel ashamed of any of these thoughts. your only fooling yourself. i have been there. and i still do struggle with it from time to time myself. i have no experience as well because i have pretty much become a reculse at this point. but i can tell you this, these thoughts are much more natural than you think. its part of our nature. everybody wants to feel that connection with someone.

i dont know about you but for me its weird because while i do want to experience that more than anything else in my life right now, i dont want random sex. its kind of contradictory and thats the problem with it for me.

 

[rosebud]

I had a laugh at your story in a good way. Don't get offended. It's just a peculiar and in the same time absurd situation. It would be hilarious if you meet the girl in the corridor and say to her something like "you were having fun last night" with an absolutely straight face.

What can I say about your true problem - it's not just sex that you want. But for you to experience a true commitment to someone you have to get the sex out of the way at some point. It's all tight in a giant knot with feelings, emotions, thoughts and all the other bs you have to deal on your own during a relationship all the time, until you're sure the other person is the right one for you.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'm 26, will be 27 in two months. At this age, I can't help but feel like I'm just lying to myself that sex isn't the main thing I want out of a relationship and with that in mind, I'm feel like I'm just another ******* that just wants a girl for her body more than anything else.

And why should you feel immensely guilty about being human? We all want sex sometimes. The fact that you want sex very, very much doesn't make you any less of a human. Would you rather lie to yourself and others, or would you rather be honest that we all, as men, have some '*******' tendencies?

It's really stupid when I think about it objectively. I mean, I have no sexual experience yet I'm so certain of the outcome and I don't think I can be proven wrong. So naive, I know, but I still believe I'm right but I don't want to prove it. I'd rather pussy out and stay in my safety zone to protect myself from being hurt.

Your first experience will be an embarrassing failure that you will not speak of ever again. Such is the way of things. You'll get better. As far as staying in your safety zone, I can sympathize, but do remember: "the surest way to fail is not to try."

No, but if you want a little more details she was quiet most of the time and I mostly heard the bed squeak or skin slap together and every once in a while she'd couldn't help it and let out a slight scream you knew she was trying to hold back.

Very normal. You could always rate her performance and assumed performance of her partner(s) on a score from 1 to 5, and inform her/them

 

[Lynth]

I had a laugh at your story in a good way. Don't get offended. It's just a peculiar and in the same time absurd situation. It would be hilarious if you meet the girl in the corridor and say to her something like "you were having fun last night" with an absolutely straight face.

What can I say about your true problem - it's not just sex that you want. But for you to experience a true commitment to someone you have to get the sex out of the way at some point. It's all tight in a giant knot with feelings, emotions, thoughts and all the other bs you have to deal on your own during a relationship all the time, until you're sure the other person is the right one for you.

I really hope I don't run into her later. I'd be thinking about it again for the rest of the day.

I'm 26, will be 27 in two months. At this age, I can't help but feel like I'm just lying to myself that sex isn't the main thing I want out of a relationship and with that in mind, I'm feel like I'm just another ******* that just wants a girl for her body more than anything else.

And why should you feel immensely guilty about being human? We all want sex sometimes. The fact that you want sex very, very much doesn't make you any less of a human. Would you rather lie to yourself and others, or would you rather be honest that we all, as men, have some '*******' tendencies?

You're totally right! Why should I feel immensely guilty? Two years ago, I really despised the idea of a fresia buddy. But right now, it's all I really want. And I still feel ashamed about it but I found that the best way to cope is to just not care about my shame when I can't find a good reason to feel ashamed.

I don't want a serious relationship, I just want a girl who I can call anytime to come over and talk, watch TV, make-out with, or fresia and that's it. I would do the same for her too. And just typing that out really makes me cringe and hate myself.

Maybe one day I will no longer have this preference when it comes to relationships but for now, all I want is a fresia buddy. There I admit it...and yes I'm still ashamed. And there's nothing I can do other than not care.

So much for solving my problem. All it needed was for me to basically say "fresia it...just do it and stop caring about how you feel afterwards."

 

[IgnoredOne]

Just be honest with yourself and any woman in your life. Its what you, and what everyone else in your life deserves.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

26, will be 27 in two months. At this age, I can't help but feel like I'm just lying to myself that sex isn't the main thing I want out of a relationship and with that in mind, I'm feel like I'm just another ******* that just wants a girl for her body more than anything else.

Friend you are on the right path. I find that one of the problems that plauges forums like these ones and plauges men who are not successful with women in general, is they perpetuate the lie that they want more than just sex. Men are hardwired to desire sex more. Once I accepted this fact things became a bit easier. I say just accept it. When you get down to it, most women want a man who is happy on his own.

Then again we are on the cusp of the down fall of our sex drive. However, I am sure that is much higher than most womens sex drive. You are also entering into the age range for women when their sex drive increases. Take advantage of that.

Anytime I see a girl that interests me, I can't help but feel shame and anxiety when I think about asking a her out. Like the predominant reason I'm really asking her just out is so I can potentially get in her pants.

If she is close to your age and still naive enough to believe that sexual interest is a males last motivator for asking her out. Her head is so far up in the clouds it is probably not a good idea to be with her in the first place.

I'm afraid I'll become more depressed when (not if) my first relationship fails. And I don't want to take the chance and prove myself right.

Maybe change that outlook to being I want to prove myself wrong. My trainer and I discussed how people are so impatient in the west. He says that I am the only client he has who understands that it takes time to get in shape. Here in the west we have this mentality of If at first you do not succeed, then it wasn't meant to be GIVE UP!!!. No offense to the forum, but that philosophy runs rampant here.

So why not adopt a more eastern philosophy. At an anime convention I attended a tea ceremony. It is a Japanese tradition for serving tea to guests. The lady who was in charge said something that stuck with me. She said, something along the lines of I have my whole life to get better. This is something that has stuck with me.

It's really stupid when I think about it objectively. I mean, I have no sexual experience yet I'm so certain of the outcome and I don't think I can be proven wrong. So naive, I know, but I still believe I'm right but I don't want to prove it. I'd rather pussy out and stay in my safety zone to protect myself from being hurt.

Question, how do you expect to get any experience if you do not go out there and try? If you are not good at something than practice it. ^_^; while sex is harder to practice because it requires another person... if you stay in you will never get better.

As for staying in your safety zone. How safe is it really? I mean you are depressed and hurting now aren't you? If you stay in there then it will never end. In the end why not balance out your pain with euphoria?

 

[Swamp Yankee]

I can relate. Being cut off from something you want for what seems like ever can inspire most anyone to want to have a look over the fence and see how the other half lives. Sometimes we think that just having a look at the thing will be enough for now. Sometimes it may actually be. -SW.