I don't really know where to put this, so sorry if I put it in the wrong spot. Also I wish to apologize for the ensuing insanity I'm about to spew...
So I was recently basically forced to come out of the closet against my will. My mother has been into my computer and listening to my phone conversations on the other phone. Since she's "not comfortable with secrets", I had to come out to the rest of my family members. years before I was planning to, lest she out me. (I should explain that I could've just let her tell them, the reason I didn't was because I felt they deserved to hear it from me.) While it could have gone worse, I almost had a total nervous breakdown. It's been almost a month but it's still driving me insane. I feel incredibly exposed, almost violated. I'm an extremely private person, and I wasn't ready.
In addition, she's banned one of my best friends from our house (she didn't like what she heard us talking about on the phone). It's now even harder than ever to get away from here. I live in the middle of the woods, am homeschooled, and not allowed to go anywhere (if I did, the cops would be called). I feel so isolated. This isn't a house, it's a prison. Most of the friends I can contact are busy somehow, and I know they wouldn't mind if I needed to talk to them, but I don't want to make them worry about my problems. But I'm just so lonely. I feel like a useless waste of oxygen who can't do anything right and would be better off dead.
My sleep schedule is completely insane- it varies every day, but in the end I'm extremely sleep deprived. I barely eat, and I think I'm hallucinating. I see little dark spots skittering around on the floor. I keep thinking I hear very faint voices from time to time, just saying random phrases, but they sound so real. When I'm just about to fall asleep (when I do sleep), I see disturbing faces looking at me. My mood is insane, and I over-react to everything. For no logical reason beyond that they were hurting a tad, I just wanted to rip out all my teeth with pliers earlier today.
I don't feel in control of myself. I don't know what I might do. I'm scared. I've been having thoughts about hurting myself. I just don't want to be alone...
So I was recently basically forced to come out of the closet against my will. My mother has been into my computer and listening to my phone conversations on the other phone. Since she's "not comfortable with secrets", I had to come out to the rest of my family members. years before I was planning to, lest she out me. (I should explain that I could've just let her tell them, the reason I didn't was because I felt they deserved to hear it from me.) While it could have gone worse, I almost had a total nervous breakdown. It's been almost a month but it's still driving me insane. I feel incredibly exposed, almost violated. I'm an extremely private person, and I wasn't ready.
In addition, she's banned one of my best friends from our house (she didn't like what she heard us talking about on the phone). It's now even harder than ever to get away from here. I live in the middle of the woods, am homeschooled, and not allowed to go anywhere (if I did, the cops would be called). I feel so isolated. This isn't a house, it's a prison. Most of the friends I can contact are busy somehow, and I know they wouldn't mind if I needed to talk to them, but I don't want to make them worry about my problems. But I'm just so lonely. I feel like a useless waste of oxygen who can't do anything right and would be better off dead.
My sleep schedule is completely insane- it varies every day, but in the end I'm extremely sleep deprived. I barely eat, and I think I'm hallucinating. I see little dark spots skittering around on the floor. I keep thinking I hear very faint voices from time to time, just saying random phrases, but they sound so real. When I'm just about to fall asleep (when I do sleep), I see disturbing faces looking at me. My mood is insane, and I over-react to everything. For no logical reason beyond that they were hurting a tad, I just wanted to rip out all my teeth with pliers earlier today.
I don't feel in control of myself. I don't know what I might do. I'm scared. I've been having thoughts about hurting myself. I just don't want to be alone...