I don't want to face the world.

[Missing]

What do you do when you have extreme social anxiety of a certain place which happens to be school in my case because you've been labeled as "bad and immoral" or something and I just can't stand all the dirty looks and rude stares I keep getting I just want to disappear.Just being there makes me feel like I'm suffocating and my heart clutches in my chest it hurts.I have to be in school in 8 hours but all I feel like doing is curling up in a ball and crying.I hate my life and myself and most people.I have no idea why I'm alive anyway.I have no hopes,dreams,or goals,no boyfriend,not many friends,if happiness could be measured then I have zero.I do have a home and a family which I'm grateful for but when you're lonely and depressed and just plain miserable it doesn't matter if you're homeless or not,it's all misery anyway.I just wish I find something that actually brings me happiness.My 18th birthday is in 10 days and I know what's it gonna be like.Weeping day.Just like the year before was..Sometimes before I sleep I pray that I just die sleeping but I still wake up everyday.. Sorry about the pointless talk,I just needed to write it down,it makes me feel better.[/i]

 

[Ak5]

Can you try meeting other people that don't know you?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Have people started rumors about you?

 

[Missing]

Have people started rumors about you?

well,yes.And the problem is,whether people are actually gossiping about me or not,I still feel paranoid.I automatically assume they are at the slightest sign they might be,like anyone looking at me or whispering something or laughing.It's become hard to cope.

AK5,I hope that in next fall when I'm off to college I'll meet new people and leave the past behind.I'm afraid of it following me around though...I don't want to be too hopeful.After all,it's a small town.

 

[Tiina63]

At least you will be leaving soon for college, which is a blessing, though when you are so unhappy every day this doesn't help much, because it probably seems at present as if the future and escape will never come.
You mention you are worried that the past will follow you once you do leave. Will you be at a college where there will be noone from your hometown? If so, then hopefully you will be able to leave the past behind. If however there will be students from your school also at the college, maybe you should apply to go to a college further away.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Do you feel physically threatened at school? If so, id get the staff involved. Is it whisperings? I'd endure it for the last few months of high school.

---

You are there for an education, not fr what others think of you and you have a right to that ducation *hug*

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

well,yes.And the problem is,whether people are actually gossiping about me or not,I still feel paranoid.I automatically assume they are at the slightest sign they might be,like anyone looking at me or whispering something or laughing.It's become hard to cope.

AK5,I hope that in next fall when I'm off to college I'll meet new people and leave the past behind.I'm afraid of it following me around though...I don't want to be too hopeful.After all,it's a small town.

I spent most of my teens feeling alienated and being bullied relentlessly, so I understand how absolutely rough it feels.

However, realise this:

There is nothing wrong with you or abnormal about you, no matter whatever anyone else might try to make you think.

I had my confidence destroyed in my teens because I thought the comments people made about me actually had some kind of honesty behind them. In fact they were total rubbish just meant to insult me. Don't ever take notice of people that put you down for that very reason

You're young and have a life full of potential. In years to come you will realise that people who treated you poorly at this point in your life were insignificant, pathetic people themselves.

You said you are grateful for having a good family, so enjoy your time with them. Try to really have fun on your own terms and feel happy with your life outside school - and definitely get staff involved if people are giving you problems.