i felt so out of place today...

[edgecrusher]

it was my grandfathers birthday so i went out to eat with them, my aunt, and my mom and her boyfriend. my sister didnt go because she has this anxiety problem and she cant go out to public places like restaurants. anyway, i felt so out of place. my family was making small talk with the waitress. they start talking about their jobs and politics. it just feels so fake to me. shes being overly nice because she has to, its her job and she wants a good tip. im the type that if thats all you give me is that fake nice, you get a regular tip. id rather them be down to earth and more real feeling. people are so fake everywhere and in their jobs and for what? becuase they have to be because the big company they work for wants them to be. and i get stuck doing the same thing at times to keep my bosses off my back. it drives me crazy. this is why i feel like i dont belong and have a place. i think to myself... this is what everyday life is? this is what we as a species have come to for everyday life? i see this everyday and it drives me crazy. it reminds me of how lost and alone i feel.

 

[AndrewM]

Hi edgecrusher,

I know what you mean - I've often felt left out of conversations, and that I didn't really belong to the group. I've noticed that it's been a particular problem whenever I've had a girlfriend and tried to get know her friends. I've always found that extremely difficult and it's usually had negative consequences for my relationship.

What I've come to think is this. People are not usually being fake when they engage in small talk. What they are doing is establishing a sense of solidarity with those around them. It's a natural thing for most people. It involves establishing eye contact, letting the conversation flow (which means avoiding controversy), and basically getting into a rhythm with other people. Why do this if nothing profound is being communicated? Because it is through this kind of interaction with others that people derive an emotional energy. And when these interactions fail, you feel just what you're feeling - a sense of alienation, a lack of solidarity, a lack of emotional energy.

 

[edgecrusher]

the thought that people do it without even thinking about it had crossed my mind. i feel, and probably come across as akward most of the time when i do it. most of the time the conversation turns into random gossip about celebrities or some tv show or "reality" show that i know nothing about because i dont care about any of that. i dont read the newspaper, i dont look at any of those tabloids, i dont care about or keep up with sports, i dont even have cable in my room. im not religious or political at all. ill debate with someone over something like that but i usually end up being the one with the different opinion or it goes in a direction that is over my head because i dont keep up with it enough because i dont really care to. i just feel like i wasnt meant to participate in "normal" society, and i kind of feel like i dont want to.

 

[Frodo Baggins]

Sometimes life is a little weird. I find that fictyional stories are metaphorocally and through allegory showing us a better less fake and more meaningful world. Is it any wonder that the life of simple people and virues and reason and meaning flood your senses when you read. Politics? Who gives a ****. These characters are waging serious life and death against an army of orcs. The balance of life and death hangs precariously and THIS matters. The fight and the virtuous warriors have meaning.

Well they do when I read. I even read aloud and do the voices. My Smeagol vioice is different from the film version. Mine is raspier and deeper. I think his would have been what are your thoughts?

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not so much that they're fake, more than them just being friendly. Would you want to talk to a waitress who had a nasty attitude for whatever reason? It may appear overly-friendly, but being pleasant is a good trait for a waitress to have. I usually don't make conversation with waitresses or waiters, but it's nice to know that they're nice about things, even if it is just for their job. But, the down to earth ones are the ones that I like more myself. In any store or restaurant, I find myself talking to people more like that as opposed to bubbly people.

 

[Venetia]

I understand what you are saying. I feel like an outsider most of the time.